#i get like one of these a day!!! sometimes more!!!!
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it's true and I say this as an avid binge-watcher who in the stone age had to look up transcripts of episodes because I couldn't wait THREE ENTIRE DAYS OF MY LIFE FOR NETFLIX TO MAIL ME THE NEXT DVD
Seasons of TV released as one fat drop of 8-12 1-1.5hr episodes, literally being told THIS IS FOR YOU TO BINGE IN ONE INSANE SITTING is the exact definition of my dreams and desires.
......why are they no good??
I can definitely think of exceptions, but "both of them have too much time and not enough time for the characters to struggle and grow and change," as it's well-put above, does seem to be the rule more and more. But what does that phrase really mean??
I saw something recently weighing in on this and saying series in particular seem to think every single thing depicted on screen has to move the story forward, possibly because everything is angled to encourage "binging". It's funny because that sounds like it should do the opposite of making the story feel ponderous and pointless!! So what's going on?
Maybe it's because Real Life™ isn't constantly moving towards one plot resolution, so the more you write a story where that's true, the more impossible true immersion for the viewer becomes?
But also I think actively designing a series to be compulsively watched in one or two massive sittings is hurting them as stories. Maybe it's because bingeing, especially as it's understood in other contexts, is not about enjoying something massively good, at least not after the initial part.
We all know this, right? You don't binge on something because it's just sooooo good. Are there people out there who have never done any kind of binge? Maybe so, so I'll tell you because I surely have: it's inertia. A really scary kind, to be honest, that feels, after a while of getting acclimated to nonstop-consuming the thing, like an absolute involuntary need. Because the second I stop eating the family sized bag of chips, stop taking another drink, stop lighting another smoke, reality will come rushing back in place of the comfort-stimulus. And in reality I am not experiencing joy or even pleasure, I am experiencing the kind of existential horror you get when you try to convince yourself you don't actually have to deal with your own mind. This 100% applies to letting the next episode autoplay after 5 hours of watching one story unfold.
Sorry I got kinda dark there, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is that I don't think you NEED a GOOD PRODUCT in order to get people to binge. And, well, that shows more and more with this "content" streaming services are releasing.
True Blood was a hot mess in so many ways and my mental health sure as shit was too but holy shit watching that obsessively years back was so FUN. That show and other story-loves of mine feel different from stuff getting released in full-season streaming dumps right now, and I don't think it's quality of writing or acting or effects or anything else making the difference as much as whether a show seems to genuinely LIKE itself, or whether it's counting on you finding it preferable enough to reality to let the next episode play and thus get good stats.
we need 15-20 episode seasons again these limited series have the worst pacing in the world and none of the character decisions hold any weight
#i just think it's so funny that someone can say their hobby is binge-watching series because of how much that doesn't apply to other things?#“I just love bingeing on vodka lol it's all I do on my days off”#“my guilty pleasure is...binge eating 🤭”#I get that it's not the exact same thing#tv is not meth#i got a little distracted ranting but my point remains#there's not enough pressure to make something the creators actually fucking LIKE in this era of the cursed term 'content'#back in the days of 90 min movies and long seasons of 20-min eps#I think we got to have STORY OH SHIT PLOT EVENTS on the one hand#and 'I'M OBSESSED WITH THESE CHARACTERS sometimes they do Plot but sometimes they have parent-teacher conference day' on the other#and it was ...gooder?#more enjoyabler?#tell me your thoughts on the off chance you made it to the end of this lmao
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Professional Hazard (And Blue Tongues)
Karina x Male Reader
9k words
18+ smut
'I expected you to have...'
'Grey hair? Glasses thick as tank armor?' You lean back. 'Let me guess—ancient and decrepit?'
'Something like that.' She toys with her iced americano, ice cubes clinking.
'Get that more than you'd think.'
'Can't imagine why.'
'Sure you can't.'
She straightens in her chair. 'Well? Are you going to ask your questions or what?'
'Did you have something specific in mind?'
'I thought you'd at least come prepared.' The sharp edge in her voice softens, adapting. 'After that email you sent.'
'I am prepared.'
'Do you know who I am?'
'I know you're Karina. I know you agreed to fund my little Italian vacation.' You keep your voice flat, unimpressed.
She laughs, short and sharp. 'They really sent someone who knows nothing.'
'Biographers aren't exactly growing on trees these days. Most of them are busy dying off.' [1]
'That's comforting.'
'About as comforting as your enthusiastic response to my email.'
'Ah.' She smirks. 'My monument to hubris?'
'Your words, not mine.'
'Christ, you're not exactly sunshine and roses, are you?'
'If only you knew.'
'Oh, I think I do.' She leans forward. 'People like me—we're your bread and butter. Desperate enough to take the abuse just to get that book written.'
'Quick study.'
'Experience, darling.' She draws out the last word like stretched taffy.
'If immortality's what you're after, we're off to a rocky start.'
'Not even grateful for the Italian holiday?'
You meet her eyes. 'Bribery's nothing new. Don't expect it to polish your image.'
'Tough nut to crack, aren't you?'
'I have what I need.'
'Meaning?'
'Let me put this delicately: my last subject bought me a year at New York's finest.' [2]
'Fantastic.' She rattles her ice cubes harder.
'You know what I think?' She sets down her drink with deliberate care.
'Enlighten me.'
'I think you enjoy this. The whole "unimpressed biographer" act.'
You pull out your notebook, unhurried. 'That'd make a great chapter one. "Local girl psychoanalyzes writer, lives to regret it."'
'There it is again.' Her smile doesn't reach her eyes. 'Tell me, do your subjects usually last long enough for chapter two?'
'The interesting ones do.'
'And the boring ones?'
You flip open to a blank page. 'They get a lovely rejection letter.'
'Which I didn't.'
'Yet.'
She leans back, studying you. The late afternoon sun catches the edge of her glass, throwing prismatic shapes across the table. 'You really don't care that I could walk away right now.'
'The door's right there.' You click your pen. 'But we both know you won't.'
'Because?'
'Because you didn't spend three months negotiating with my publisher just to storm off over hurt feelings.'
'Maybe I just like wasting time.'
'Maybe.' You meet her gaze. 'But people who like wasting time don't usually have a dozen designer brand sponsorships.'
Something shifts in her expression—surprise, maybe, or respect. 'So you did do your homework.'
'I always do.' You position your pen over the blank page. 'Now, shall we begin with the real questions?'
'Shoot.' She shifts in her chair, the late afternoon sun warming the cafe corner we've claimed.
'Tell me about your sister.'
Her eyebrows lift slightly. 'Not starting with the obvious questions?'
'Would you prefer those?'
'No.' She smiles, genuine this time. 'She's a nurse. Like our mom.'
'Close?'
'Very. She's the only person who still calls me Jimin.' She stirs her americano. 'Probably the only person who can get away with it, too.'
'Why's that?'
'Because she knew me when I was just the quiet kid who'd rather read in corners than talk to anyone. Before all of...' She waves her hand vaguely. 'This.'
'Still prefer corners?'
'Sometimes.' She considers the question. 'There's this tiny bookstore in Seongnam. When I go home, I still visit. They have this perfect spot by the window.'
'What do you read?'
'Whatever catches my eye. Last week it was about sharks.'
You raise an eyebrow. 'Sharks?'
'Don't look so surprised.' She laughs. 'They're fascinating. Everyone thinks they know them, but they don't, not really.'
'Speaking from experience?'
She takes a long sip of her drink instead of answering.
'You don't have to do that, you know.' You set your pen down.
'Do what?'
'Deflect. Turn everything into a metaphor.'
She meets your eyes for a long moment. 'Force of habit.'
'Bad one.'
'Says the person who's been matching my deflections word for word.' A half-smile plays at her lips. 'We're quite the pair, aren't we?'
'Difference is, I'm paid to be difficult.'
'And I was raised to be.' The words slip out before she can catch them. Her fingers tighten around her glass.
You wait.
'You're good at this,' she says quietly.
'At what?'
'Making silence comfortable.' She looks out the window. 'Most people try to fill it.'
'Most people aren't trying to understand.'
She turns back to you, something shifting in her expression. 'Is that what you're trying to do? Understand?'
'Would that be so terrible?'
'No,' she says.
'Progress.' You pick up your pen again. 'Though I've just realized something deeply troubling.'
'What's that?'
'Your americano's been empty for ten minutes, and you're still pretending to drink it.'
She glances at her glass, caught. 'Method acting.'
'Ah yes, the classic "I'm too invested in this conversation to pause for a refill" performance.' You wave to catch the barista's eye. 'Oscar-worthy.'
'Says the person who hasn't touched their...' She leans forward to peek at your cup. 'What even is that?'
'Green tea.'
'Pretentious.'
'Says the person who ordered an iced americano in winter.'
'It's barely spring.'
'Case in point.'
The barista arrives with fresh drinks. Karina raises an eyebrow at your cup. 'Still green tea?'
'I'm consistent.'
'Boring.'
'Strategic.' You take a deliberate sip. 'Can't blame caffeine jitters for whatever honesty slips out.'
'Sneaky.'
'Professional.'
'Same thing.' She stirs her new drink, ice cubes clinking. 'So what's next in your strategic interrogation?'
'Thought we agreed to drop the deflection thing.'
'Old habits. Ten seconds at a time.'
'That's oddly specific.'
'It's how I learned to swim.' At your questioning look, she continues, 'Ten seconds of courage. Then you can panic all you want.'
'Does that work?'
'Got me here, didn't it?' She gestures between you two. 'Letting a stranger with a notebook and suspiciously consistent beverage choices pick apart my life.'
'You could always run.'
'To where? Croatia?' She laughs at your surprised expression. 'What? I have dreams.'
'Of Croatia specifically?'
'Of anywhere that doesn't know my name.'
'That's rather poetic for someone who just called me pretentious.'
'I contain multitudes.' She mock-bows in her seat.
'Walt Whitman now?'
'See? You're not the only one who can be insufferably well-read.'
You make a show of writing something down.
You flip to a fresh page. 'Tell me about Croatia.'
'Nothing to tell. Just a place.'
'There are plenty of places that don't know your name. Why that one?'
She traces the rim of her glass again, a habit you've started to recognize as her thinking gesture. 'Have you ever seen those old coastal towns? The ones with narrow streets and buildings that look like they're having conversations with each other?'
'Been to a few.'
'I want to get lost in one.' She looks up. 'Properly lost. No GPS, no itinerary. Just... walking until my feet decide to stop.'
'Most people want to be found.'
'Most people haven't spent years being findable.' The sharpness in her voice surprises both of you. She softens it with a smile. 'Sorry. That sounded more dramatic than intended.'
'Don't apologize. It's the first time you've stopped performing since we sat down.'
'I haven't been—' She stops. Laughs. 'Okay. Point taken.'
'Progress. Again.'
'You're keeping score?'
'Always.' You tap your notebook. 'It's kind of the whole point.'
'And how am I doing?'
'In being honest or deflecting?'
'Both.'
'You're averaging about fifty-fifty.'
'Generous scoring.'
'Strategic encouragement.'
'You're good at that.' She stretches slightly. 'Making people think they're in control of the conversation.'
'Are you not?'
'Please. We both know you've been steering this ship since you sat down.' She pauses. 'Though I will say, you're the first interviewer who hasn't asked about my routine yet.'
'Your routine?'
'You know. "What time do you wake up? What's your skincare regimen? How many hours do you practice?" That whole song and dance.'
'Would you like me to ask?'
'God no.' She grins. 'But I'm curious why you haven't.'
'Because routines are what people do. I'm more interested in who they are.'
'And who am I?'
'Still figuring that out. But I know you crack your knuckles when you're nervous.'
She stops mid-crack, caught. 'Observant.'
'Professional hazard.' You lean forward. 'Tell me something real. Not about routines or schedules or practices.'
'Like what?'
'Like what you think about at three AM when you can't sleep.'
She's quiet for a long moment. 'Sometimes I forget what my natural speaking voice sounds like.'
'What do you mean?'
'You spend so many years modulating everything—your voice, your laugh, your reactions—until one day...' She shrugs. 'One day you catch yourself using your "public" voice to order coffee at 3 AM in an empty convenience store, and you realize you can't remember what you used to sound like.'
'And that bothers you.'
'Wouldn't it bother you? Losing something that fundamental without even noticing it was gone?'
'Is that why we're here? Trying to find it again?'
'Maybe.' She smiles, but it's different now. Unpolished. 'Or maybe I'm just tired of having "public" and "private" versions of everything.'
'Including your voice.'
'Including my entire existence.'
'Right.' You snap your notebook shut. 'We're getting gelato.'
—
[1] The suspicious rate at which biographers are "dying off" has become something of an industry joke. Three prominent biographers mysteriously retired after attempting to write about a certain K-pop company's CEO. Totally not suspicious.
[2] The Plaza Hotel, to be specific. Said subject was a tech billionaire whose autobiography mysteriously never made it to print. The hotel suite, however, maintains legendary status among New York's housekeeping staff for its impressive collection of empty green tea bottles and rejection letters.
—
She blinks. 'What?'
'We're walking.' You stand, gathering your things. 'Unless you have somewhere to be?'
'Are you actually asking, or is this another strategic move?'
'Both. Neither. Whatever. Does it matter if there's gelato involved?'
A genuine laugh escapes her. 'Fair point.'
The early evening air hits your faces as you step outside. She pulls on a cap—more habit than disguise.
'Left or right?' you ask.
'You're the one who lives here.'
'Technically, I've been here three days.'
'And you already know where to get gelato?'
'First thing I do in any city. Professional secret.'
'Ah yes, the biographer's handbook. Chapter One: locate ice cream immediately.'
'Chapter Two: never reveal your sources.' You turn left. 'Unless they're wearing a questionably large cap and hiding from their own voice.'
'Low blow.' But she's grinning. 'Also, my cap is perfectly sized.'
'For what? Smuggling library books?'
'That's... oddly specific.'
'Says the person who just quoted Walt Whitman in a cafe.'
You find the gelato place tucked between a bookstore and a vintage shop. The owner, an elderly Italian woman, lights up at your approach.
'Due?' she asks.
'Sì,' you reply, then turn to Karina. 'What's your poison?'
She studies the flavors intently. 'What's the most unusual one?'
'Professional or personal answer?'
'There's a difference?'
'Professional would be something elegant. Personal...' You point to a vivid blue flavor. 'That one tastes like your childhood imaginary friend made a pact with a Smurf.'
She doesn't hesitate. 'Two scoops of that, please.'
'Really?'
'What?' She raises an eyebrow. 'Scared of a little blue tongue?'
'More scared of what my editor will say when the interview notes are stained cerulean.'
Ten minutes later, you're both leaning against a stone wall, gelato dripping in the warm evening air. Her tongue is, indeed, impressively blue.
'Yah! Why are you taking a picture?”
'Your tongue. I need photographic evidence for my editor.'
She complains, ‘self-respecting people would’ve walked a long time ago.’
‘And let me guess-’
‘Correct. Take a picture if you want.’
'Pulitzer worthy.' You take another bite of your considerably more dignified pistachio. 'So tell me about the sharks.'
'You're still on that?'
'You brought up marine biology in a cafe and then mysteriously changed the subject. I'm invested now.'
'There's nothing mysterious about it.' She licks a drop of blue from her knuckle. 'I just think they're neat.'
'That's the worst deflection yet.'
'Fine.' She pushes off the wall, starting to walk. 'When I was younger, I used to think they were lonely.'
You fall into step beside her. 'Sharks?'
'Mm. Always swimming, never stopping. Everyone afraid of them.' She shrugs. 'Stupid kid logic.'
'And now?'
'Now I think they're just... misunderstood.' She grins. 'That was terrible, wasn't it? Like a bad movie line.'
'Terrible. But honest.'
'You and your honesty fetish.'
'Says the person who just admitted to emotionally relating to sharks.'
She snorts, nearly dropping her cone. 'When you put it that way—'
'Oh, I'm definitely putting it that way. It's going in the book.'
'Absolutely not.'
'Chapter title: "The Shark Whisperer”. I can see it already'
She tries to hip-check you, but you dodge, protecting your gelato. 'I'm revoking your creative license.'
'Too late. The mental image of baby Jimin crying over shark documentaries is seared into my brain.'
'I did not cry over—' She stops. 'Okay, maybe once. But it was a very sad documentary.' [1]
The sun is setting now, painting the cobblestones gold. You pass a street musician playing something soft and acoustic.
'Your sister know about the sharks?'
'Of course. She bought me the books.' Her smile turns fond. 'Still does, actually. Sends them to me randomly.'
'Recent ones?'
'Last week.' She finishes her cone. 'She has... interesting timing.'
'Interesting timing?'
'Mm.' She wipes her hands on a napkin. 'Right after I told her about the interview. She sent me one about great whites. Said something about facing fears.'
'Subtle.'
'About as subtle as your interview techniques.' She eyes your notebook, still tucked away. 'Not writing anymore?'
'Memory's better when I'm walking.' You tap your temple. 'Also, harder to write about blue tongues while walking.'
'Still blue?'
'Devastatingly so.'
She sticks her tongue out at a passing window, checking her reflection. 'Oh god, it's worse than I thought.'
'Crisis?'
'Please. I once had to perform with my hair half-green because of a dye mishap. This?' She gestures to her mouth. 'This is nothing.'
'Half-green?'
'Not going in the book.'
'Already mentally drafting the chapter.'
She groans. 'I'm starting to regret this whole walking thing.'
'Because of the blackmail material or the exercise?'
'Both. Neither.' She pauses by a small fountain. 'It's just... nice.'
'Nice?'
'Yeah.' She sits on the fountain's edge. 'No schedule. No plan. Just... walking and talking and eating questionably colored gelato with a stranger who probably thinks I'm having a quarter-life crisis.'
'Are you?'
'Having a crisis or eating gelato?'
'Now who's deflecting?'
And she pauses again, caught.
She dips her fingers in the fountain water, watching the ripples. 'Maybe I just wanted one normal evening. One conversation that wasn't prepackaged and pre-approved.'
'Mission accomplished, I'd say. Your tongue is literally blue.'
That startles a laugh out of her. 'You're never letting that go, are you?'
'It's going to be a running metaphor throughout the book. Deep, meaningful parallels between blue gelato and the human condition.'
'You're terrible at your job.'
'I'm excellent at my job. I got you to walk around Rome with blue teeth.'
'Is that the measure of success?'
'For this chapter? Absolutely.'
The street lamps are starting to flicker on, and the air has that peculiar Roman evening warmth that begs for a drink.
'Know any good bars?' she asks, as if reading your mind.
'Thought you'd never ask[2]. Fair warning though—my Italian's terrible.'
'Better or worse than your interview skills?'
'Much worse. But I can order Aperol Spritz in seventeen different ways.'
'Useful life skill.'
'More useful than relating to sharks.'
She shoves your shoulder lightly. 'One more shark joke and I'm leaving.'
'No, you're not.'
'No, I'm not.' She grins. 'Lead the way, worst Italian speaker.'
You find a tiny place tucked away from the main streets. The kind tourists don't know about, with mismatched chairs and a bartender who looks old enough to have served Caesar himself.
'Due aperol spritz, per favore.' You ask.
The bartender raises an eyebrow. 'Americano? Il tuo italiano è buono!' (your Italian was… apparently… good.)
'Peggio,' you say. 'Giornalista'
(‘Worse. Journalist.’)
He laughs, already reaching for glasses. Karina slides onto a barstool, looking around with genuine curiosity.
‘He seems pretty impressed by your Italian.’
‘Oh trust me—he wasn’t. He just wanted to be nice. That’s all. The inflections are quite easy to catch.’
‘Alright, whatever you say. Giornalista—.'
You grin at her cute prod.
'How'd you find this place?' She asks; needless to say, she likes it here.
'Got lost my first night here––five years ago. It was either come in or keep pretending I knew where my hotel was.'
'And?'
'Woke up knowing exactly where my hotel was. And how to say "I'm sorry" in Italian.'
She laughs. 'That bad?'
'Let's just say there's a reason I stick to green tea now.'
The drinks arrive, vivid orange against the dark wood of the bar.
'To blue tongues,' you raise your glass.
'And bad Italian,' she clinks hers against it.
—
[1] The documentary in question was "Blue Planet II." Her sister still has the receipt for three boxes of tissues and a plush shark from the aquarium gift shop. The plush shark now sits in her studio, wearing a tiny version of her debut outfit. Her company has tried to mass-produce it twice. She's vetoed it both times.
[2] You were never this humble about your Italian until you talked to an Italian nonna. "Qui giace la dignità di un giornalista" (Here lies a journalist's dignity).
—
'Speaking of bad decisions—'
'We weren't.'
'We are now. Tell me about the green hair incident.'
'Absolutely not.' She takes another sip of her spritz. 'Some secrets I'm taking to my grave.'
'Come on. Half-green hair? There's got to be a story there.'
'There is. A great one. You're still not hearing it.'
'I'll trade you.'
'Oh?' She turns on her stool to face you fully. 'What could you possibly have that's worth my green hair story?'
'Remember when I said I learned to say sorry in Italian?'
'The plot thickens.'
'Let's just say it involved a fountain, three angry nuns, and a very patient carabinieri.'
She nearly chokes on her drink. 'You're making that up.'
'Want to bet your green hair story on it?'
'You know what?' She signals the bartender for another round. 'Fine. But if you're lying, you're buying drinks for the rest of the night.'
'Deal.'
'And no taking notes.'
'Now that's just cruel.'
'Professional hazard,' she mimics your earlier tone, then grins. 'Okay, storyteller. Dazzle me.'
The bartender sets down fresh drinks, and you lean in conspiratorially. 'So picture this: my first night in Rome, about five years ago...'
'Wait.' She holds up a hand. 'We need to establish stakes. If this story doesn't involve all three elements—fountain, nuns, and police—you're not only buying drinks, you're telling me where you actually learned to say sorry in Italian.'
'Counter-offer. If my story checks out, I get the green hair story plus whatever happened at that music show in Busan.'
Her eyes narrow. 'What music show in Busan?'
'The one you just reacted to.'
'That's... that's actually impressive.'
'Five years of professional nosiness at work. Deal?'
She clinks her glass against yours. 'Deal. Now stop stalling.'
'Right. So. Five years ago. I'd just finished an interview with this ancient countess at the bar. I mean, it’s the bar. Who else gets to interview a countess at a bar? That’s like crazy Bourdain-level shit right there.’
She nods along. 'Of course you did.'
'Anyway, she invited me to this wine cellar...'
'Oh no.'
'Oh yes. And mind you, I was already quite drunk. And she was very, very insistent about hospitality...'
Twenty minutes and much laughter later, you finish: '...and that's why you should never trust Google Translate to help you apologize to Italian law enforcement.'
She's wiping tears from her eyes. 'The part with the cat—'
'Hand to god. Still have the scars.'
'Okay.' She catches her breath. 'Okay, you win. That was worth it.'
'Time to pay up. Green hair. Spill.'
'Can I have one more drink first?'
'For courage?'
'So I can blame it on the drink.' She waves at the bartender. 'I still can't believe you showed those nuns your interview notes to prove you weren't a street performer.'
'Desperate times.'
'Speaking of desperate...' She takes a fortifying sip of her fresh spritz. 'Ever tried to fix green hair with grape juice?'
'No.'
'Don't.'
'There has to be more to this story than grape juice.'
'Oh, there's so much more.' She settles into her seat. 'Picture this: it's two hours before a live broadcast. I'm sitting in the makeup chair, feeling pretty good about life. You know, like that particular moment where your face just… shines. Then my stylist walks in, takes one look at my hair, and just... screams.'
'Screams?'
'Full horror movie scream. Turns out the hair dye we used was... let's say "not exactly approved by management."'
'Let me guess. DIY job?'
'Worse. My sister's friend's cousin who "totally went to beauty school."'
'Oh no.' You snort, taking a hefty drink of the remaining spritz.
'Oh yes. So there I am, one side of my head this bizarre shade of swamp-thing green, and everyone's running around like it's the end of the world.'
'Which is when someone suggested grape juice?'
'Actually, that was my idea.' She grimaces. 'I'd read somewhere that grape juice could neutralize green tones. What they failed to mention was that this works for swimming pools, not hair.' [1]
'So what happened?'
'Picture a very expensive wig, three cans of dry shampoo, and me trying to explain to the camera director why I couldn't turn my head to the left.'
'Did it work?'
'Define "work."' She takes another sip. 'If by "work" you mean "did I make it through the broadcast without anyone seeing the grape-juice-tinged disaster," then yes. If by "work" you mean "did I maintain any dignity," then absolutely not.'
'The fans never found out?'
'Oh, they did. Someone leaked a backstage photo three months later.' She grins. 'By then I'd managed to fix it. Mostly.'
'Mostly?'
'My sister still has a strand of green hair she saved. Threatens to post it whenever I don't answer her calls.'
'Effective.'
'Terrifying.' She raises her glass. 'Your turn again. What's the worst interview you've ever done?'
'Besides this one?'
She kicks your chair. 'I'm delightful and you know it.'
'You're something, all right.'
Three drinks in, and the bar's emptied enough that her laugh echoes a little too loudly. She covers her mouth, but it's too late – the old bartender shoots them an amused look.
'Sorry,' she stage-whispers.
'For what? The laugh or the fact that it just shattered three ancient Roman wine glasses?'
'Shut up.' She kicks your chair again. 'I don't always laugh like that.'
'Let me guess – there's a public laugh and a private laugh?'
'There's a whole taxonomy.' She sits up straighter, counting on her fingers. 'Interview laugh, variety show laugh, fan meeting laugh, oh-that's-not-actually-funny-but-you're-my-sunbae laugh—'
'Please tell me you're joking.'
'I wish.' She slumps forward, head on her arms. 'I once had to attend a laughing seminar.'
'A what now?'
'A laughing seminar. Professional instruction on the art of the public giggle.' Her voice is muffled against her sleeve. 'There was a PowerPoint and everything.'
'You're making this up.'
She lifts her head. 'I spent three hours learning about laugh-adjacent breathing techniques while a woman named Mrs. Kim hit a triangle every time someone laughed "inappropriately."'
You stare at her. She stares back.
'That's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard,' you say finally.
'I know.' She dissolves into another too-loud laugh, this one definitely not seminar-approved. 'God, I can still hear that triangle.'
'Is that why you're here?'
'Getting drunk with a biographer in Rome? No, that's just poor life choices.'
'Speaking honest truths to a stranger?'
'Oh.' She straightens up, but there's still something loose in her smile. 'Maybe. Or maybe I just really needed to tell someone about Mrs. Kim and her triangle of terror.'
'Triangle of terror.' You shake your head. 'That's going in the book.'
'Along with the blue tongue and green hair? You're really painting a picture here.'
'It's called character development.'
'It's called character assassination.' She signals for water. 'What else are you putting in there?'
'Wouldn't you like to know.'
'Actually, yes. That's literally why I'm asking.'
'Fine.' You pretend to flip through your mental notes. 'Chapter One: Sharks and Empathy—'
'Oh my god.'
'Chapter Two: The Grape Juice Incident—'
'I'm starting to regret everything.'
'Chapter Three: Laugh Taxonomies by Aespa’s Karina—'
'I hate you.'
'Chapter Four: Why Romans Don't Trust Her With Fountains Anymore—'
'That was you! That was literally your story!'
'Was it? Everything's getting a bit fuzzy.' You tap your temple. 'Must be all that professional memory I was bragging about earlier.'
She throws an olive at you. The bartender clears his throat.
'Sorry,' you both say in unison, then look at each other and start laughing again.
'You know what's really funny?' she says, once you've both contained yourselves.
'Mrs. Kim's triangle?'
'Besides that.' She accepts the water from the bartender. 'This is probably the worst interview you've ever done.'
'Oh, definitely.'
'And yet...'
'And yet?'
'It's the most honest one I've given.' She pauses. 'God, that sounded way less cheesy in my head. Must be the spritz talking.'
'Blame it on the altitude.'
'We're at sea level.'
'Blame it on the sea level.'
'You're ridiculous.' She's grinning though. 'Is this how all your interviews go?'
'Usually there's less gelato. More gravitas.'
'Gravitas is overrated.'
'Says the woman who attended a laughing seminar.'
'Hey, I'll have you know my triangle-approved giggle is very dignified.'
'Prove it.'
She sits up straighter, arranges her features into something serene, and lets out the most artificial laugh you've ever heard. It's so pristine it's almost disturbing.
'That was horrifying.'
'That was three hours of professional training.'
'I'm concerned about your profession.'
'Join the club.' She relaxes back into her natural posture. 'We have meetings every Tuesday. Bring your own triangle.'
The bartender slides over the check with a knowing look. Last call came and went without either of you noticing.
'Well,' you say, reaching for your wallet. 'I suppose this is—'
'Wait.' She puts her hand on your arm. 'I have a confession.'
'Another one? The green hair wasn't enough?'
'I read your book.'
'Which one?'
'The one about the ballet dancer who quit to become a motorcycle mechanic.'
'Ah.' You sit back. 'And?'
'And I maybe, possibly, completely changed my mind about this whole interview when I read it.'
'Because?'
'Because...' She fidgets with her empty glass. 'You made her sound so... human.'
'As opposed to?'
'A story. A headline.' She traces a pattern on the bar top. 'Most people would've written about the scandal, the career she "threw away." But you wrote about how she names each motorcycle she fixes. How she still dances in her garage at midnight.'
'Ah. That.'
'That.' She looks up. 'Is that why you haven't asked me about any of it?'
'Any of what?'
'Don't play dumb. The headlines. The speculation. The—'
'The triangle-approved responses you've probably rehearsed?'
She laughs, caught. 'Something like that.'
'Here's the thing about headlines.' You start gathering your things. 'They're usually more interesting than the truth.'
'And what's the truth?'
'That sometimes people just want to eat blue gelato and tell embarrassing stories in a bar and talk a biographer’s ears off.'
She kicks your chair again, barely noticeable. 'Even if those stories end up in a book?'
'Especially then.' You stand, offering her jacket. 'Though I might need you to sign a waiver about the grape juice incident.'
'I knew it! You are using it!'
'Chapter title: "The Perils of Amateur Chemistry: A Cautionary Tale."'
She shrugs on her jacket, shaking her head. 'You're impossible. That AI flair was so intentional'
'Says the woman who legitimately attended a laughing seminar.'
'I'm never living that down, am I?'
'Not as long as I have a functioning memory and a publishing contract.'
The Roman night is warm as you both step out of the bar. She stumbles slightly on the cobblestones.
You offer a hand which she quickly grabs.
'Don't you dare put that in the book,' she warns.
'Put what? The graceful interpretation of contemporary dance you just performed?'
'These streets are rigged.' She steadies herself. 'Also, your hotel's this way.'
'How do you know where my hotel is?' You’re not exactly one to remember locations, probably the reason you were able to gain such a repository of ridiculous stories.
'Because it's my hotel.' She grins at your expression. 'What? You think you're the only one who does research?'
'I'm concerned about your stalking tendencies.'
'Says the person who somehow knew about the Busan incident.'
'Professional hazard.'
'You really need new catchphrases.'
The walk is quiet, comfortable. Rome at night feels like a different city—all golden lights and shadow play. A cat watches you pass from its perch on a window sill.
'Don't even think about it,' she says.
'About what?'
'Making some poetic comparison between me and that cat.'
'Please. I'm a much better writer than that.'
'Sure you are, shark whisperer.'
You reach the hotel entrance. She pauses.
'Well,' she says. 'This has been...'
'Professionally catastrophic?'
'I was going to say enlightening.'
'That too.'
The hotel lobby is all marble and soft lighting. Your footsteps echo slightly.
'I have a balcony,' she says suddenly. 'And a really pretentious coffee machine I can't figure out.'
'Is this a cry for help with appliances?'
'This is...' She fidgets with her room key. 'This is me not wanting the interview to end yet.'
'The interview ended somewhere between blue gelato and the triangle story.'
'Then what's this?'
‘Believe or not, some people just like having fun on their Italian vacation.’
‘Haha. Very funny.’
'This is...' You pretend to consider. 'Two people who might be friends if one of them wasn't writing a book about the other.'
'Complicated.'
'Professional hazard.'
'There's that phrase again.' She presses the elevator button. 'Come on. I'll teach you how to laugh properly.'
'With or without the triangle?'
She steps into the elevator. 'Depends on how good you are at making coffee.'
'Now who's the impossible one?'
The doors start to close. She holds them.
'Coming?'
You join her in the elevator. 'For the record, I'm excellent at coffee.'
'For the record,' she mimics your tone, 'that's going in the book.'
Her room is on the top floor, with a view that makes you understand why people write poetry about Rome.
'So,' she says, fighting with the coffee machine. 'This button makes it angry, and this one makes it hiss.'
'Move over, amateur.' You reach around her to press a combination of buttons. The machine purrs to life.
'Show off.' But she's smiling as she heads for the balcony. 'Bring your coffee wizardry out here when it's ready.'
The balcony is small, just enough room for two chairs and all of Rome spread out below. She's curled up in one chair, shoes off, looking more real than she has all day.
'Your professional opinion,' she says as you hand her a cup. 'Is this going to be a good book?'
'Depends.'
'On?'
'On whether you let me keep the shark metaphors.'
She laughs into her coffee. 'You're never letting that go.'
'Never.' You take the other chair. 'Though I might be willing to negotiate.'
'Terms?'
'Tell me something nobody knows. Something that won't make the book.'
She's quiet for a moment, looking out at the city lights. 'I sing in the shower.'
'Everybody knows that.'
'No, I mean...' She turns to face you. 'I sing the old songs. The ones I used to practice when I was just some kid in Bundang with a dream too big for my voice.'
'And?'
'And sometimes I still feel like her. That kid. Especially at night, in foreign hotels, when the city feels like it belongs to someone else.'
'Especially at night, in foreign hotels, when the city feels like it belongs to someone else.'
'Wow.' You let out a low whistle. 'That was incredibly profound.'
She groans, covering her face. 'I know. I'm sorry. That was straight out of a drama script.'
'I was thinking more indie movie. You know, the kind where people have deep conversations on balconies in Rome at—' you check your watch, '—one in the morning.'
'Oh god, we're living a cliché.'
'Complete with coffee and two chairs overlooking Rome.'
'Quick,' she straightens up, 'say something unprofound. Save us from ourselves.'
'My tongue is still kind of blue.'
She peeks at you over her coffee cup. 'Mine too.'
'Better?'
'Much better.' She slouches back in her chair. 'Though now I'm thinking about how this would look in your book. "Two idiots with blue tongues have existential crisis on expensive balcony."'
'Don't forget the part where one of them somehow charmed a coffee machine.'
'And the other one used to sing in her shower.'
'Still,' you correct. 'Present tense.'
'Still,' she admits. 'But if you put that in your book, I'll have to tell everyone about your fountain incident.'
'Mutually assured destruction. I like it.'
She yawns, then looks embarrassed. 'Sorry. It's not the company, it's—'
'The five Aperol Spritzes?'
'That. And the emotional toll of remembering Mrs. Kim's triangle.'
'Tragic backstory,' you nod solemnly. 'Very character-building.'
'Speaking of character-building...' She sets down her empty cup, turns to face you fully. 'This is usually the part in your books where something significant happens.'
'Is it?'
'Mm. Chapter twelve. Always a turning point.'
'You really did read my books.'
'I told you that already.' She's closer now, somehow. 'What I didn't mention was that I figured out your pattern.'
'My pattern?'
'The way you write moments like this.' Her voice is soft. 'When everything gets quiet, and the city's just background noise, and someone's about to do something...'
'Inadvisable?'
'I was going to say brave.'
'Brave is just inadvisable with better PR.'
She laughs, barely a whisper. 'You're deflecting again.'
'Professional—'
'If you say "hazard" right now,' she cuts in, 'I'm going to throw you off this balcony.'
'That would be...'
'Inadvisable?'
'I was going to say "terrible for my book sales."'
She's definitely closer now. 'Your book sales are about to be the least of your problems.'
'Because you're going to kiss me or throw me off the balcony?'
'I haven't decided yet.'
'Well,' you murmur, 'for what it's worth, one of those options would make a much better chapter twelve.'
She closes the distance between you, smiling against your lips. 'Professional hazard.'
You and Karina shared an instant spark that neither of you had experienced. Ever. The moment that first tease left your mouth, it was over.
—
[1] The sentiment of grape juice being able to eliminate green tones turned out to be completely unfounded. Despite this, wine sommeliers around the world have complained about Koreans with their distinct accent asking about grape juice’s ability to change colors.
—
The kiss tastes like coffee and Aperol and something sweet—probably the remnants of that ridiculous blue gelato. It's soft and quiet and perfect, the kind of moment that would sound made up in a book.
She pulls back slightly. 'Your editor's going to hate this.'
'Definitely.' You tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. 'Completely unprofessional.'
'Thoroughly inadvisable.'
'Absolutely perfect for chapter twelve.'
She kisses you again, and Rome keeps existing below, indifferent to your small moment of magic. Somewhere in the distance, a church bell chimes twice.
'You know,' she whispers, 'this is usually where you'd write something profound about the city of love.'
'That's Paris.'
'Now who's deflecting?'
'Still you. But I'm starting not to mind.'
She laughs, soft and real—definitely not triangle-approved—and rests her forehead against yours, your breaths intermixing, plenty of intimate eye contact. 'Is this going in the book?'
'What do you think?'
'I think...' Her fingers find yours. 'I think some stories we get to keep for ourselves.'
'I think some stories we get to keep for ourselves.'
'Even after I charmed your coffee machine? That's cold.'
She makes a face. 'You're really bringing up coffee machine prowess right after—'
'Right after you thoroughly compromised my journalistic integrity? Yes.'
'Your journalistic integrity was compromised the moment you let me eat blue gelato.'
'My journalistic integrity was compromised the moment I saw you.' You run your thumb across her knuckles.
Her eye contact wavers and her voice falters, ‘Gosh, you’re such a player.’
‘Flirting has never come so easily before.’ You whisper against her mouth.
'Oh really?'
'Obviously.'
'Which was?'
'Stare at that blue tongue some more.’'
She shoves you lightly. 'You're terrible.'
'And yet.'
'And yet.' She settles on your lap, the forehead to forehead more natural now. 'So what happens now?'
'Well, traditionally, this is where I'd write something about dawn breaking over the eternal city—'
'Please don't.'
'—with golden light catching on ancient stones—'
'I'm begging you to stop.'
'—as two souls find each other under the Roman sky—'
She claps a hand over your mouth. 'I will literally pay you to not finish that sentence.'
You kiss her palm before she pulls it away. 'Isn't that technically bribery?'
'Add it to the list. Right after "compromised journalistic integrity" and "suspicious coffee machine expertise."'
'Speaking of compromising situations...' You glance at your watch. 'It's almost three AM.'
'Worried about your reputation?'
'Worried about your triangle-approved schedule.'
'Bold of you to assume I ever sleep.' She stands, stretching. 'Want to order terrible room service and you can tell me about all the other journalists you've scandalized?'
'That's a very short list. Very enticing regardless.’
'Good.' She holds out her hand.
The night air has turned cooler, carrying the faint scent of jasmine from somewhere below. Her fingers trace the collar of your shirt, hesitant but deliberate.
'What happened to room service?' you murmur.
'It can wait.' Her eyes meet yours, playful but wanting. 'I'm conducting my own interview first.'
This kiss is different from the first. Slower, more certain. The city hums below, a distant lullaby of late-night cars and echoing footsteps. When she sighs into the kiss, it's the softest sound you've ever heard. When she falters against your forceful touches, it’s the softest you’ve ever felt a woman.
She pulls back just enough to breathe, her forehead resting against yours. Her heartbeat is quick under your palm.
'Better than chapter twelve?' she whispers.
You catch her lips again in answer, feeling her smile. The wind stirs her hair, sending strands brushing against your cheek. Everything smells like jasmine and coffee and her perfume—something subtle and expensive that you'll probably spend the rest of your life over-romanticizing.
Because that’s what Karina deserves.
Rome stretches out endless and ancient around you, but all you can focus on is how perfectly she fits against you, how real she feels away from cameras and crowds.
Your lips find hers in the dark, soft and certain now. Her fingers trail up your neck, threading through your hair, pulling you closer. There's an art to the way she kisses—deliberate yet desperate, like she's trying to memorize the moment. Your hands settle at her waist, and she makes a small sound that you know you'll remember forever.
Her lips part against yours, deepening the kiss until you're both breathless. The balcony railing presses into your back—when did that happen?—and her body is warm against yours, fitting perfectly in all the spaces between.
Her teeth graze your bottom lip, teasing. You respond by trailing kisses along her jaw, feeling her pulse jump under your lips. When you find that sensitive spot just below her ear, her sharp intake of breath makes you smile against her skin.
She pulls back just enough to meet your eyes. Her lips are slightly swollen, her careful composure beautifully undone––hair spread everywhere, but just so that she looks ethereal rather than messy. You brush your thumb across her lower lip, and she catches it with her teeth, playful even now.
‘Still planning to put this in chapter twelve?’ she whispers, breathless.
Your answer gets lost somewhere between her lips and… her lips.
Her laugh vibrates against your lips when you finally break apart. ‘We should probably—’
‘Go inside?’ Your lips find the curve of her neck again.
‘I was going to say breathe.’ But her head tilts back, giving you better access. Her pulse flutters under your kiss like a trapped bird. ‘Though inside works too.’
You pull back just enough to look at her. Hair mussed, eyes bright, that perfect composure completely undone. She's never looked more beautiful than she does right now, with the city lights catching in her eyes and her professional smile nowhere to be found.
‘What?’ she asks, suddenly self-conscious.
‘Just thinking.’
‘About?’
‘How this definitely isn't going in the book.’
Her smile turns mischievous. ‘No?’ Her fingers trace patterns on your chest. ‘Not even a little mention of how you completely forgot about journalistic integrity the moment I—’
‘Then chapter 12 would entirely consist of me betraying my profession in order to catch your lips with my teeth.’
‘Wow. You’re bad. Like, real bad.’
‘You have no idea.’
You cut her off with another kiss, swallowing her laugh. Her hands slide up your chest, around your neck, pulling you impossibly closer. The world narrows to just this: her lips on yours, her body pressed against you, the soft sounds she makes when you run your fingers down her spine.
‘Inside,’ she murmurs against your mouth. ‘Before we really give Rome something to talk about.’
You let her lead you through the balcony doors, both of you stumbling slightly, unwilling to break contact. She tastes like promises now, like stories yet to be written. Her hands are everywhere—your hair, your chest, your face – like she's trying to read you by touch alone.
‘Wait,’ you manage, as her lips find that spot below your ear that makes thinking difficult. ‘What about—’
‘If you mention room service right now,’ she warns, ‘I'm going back to my original plan of throwing you off the balcony.’
‘I was going to say 'what about your triangle-approved image?'’
She pulls back, eyes dancing. ‘Oh, that?’ Her lips brush yours, teasing. ‘I think we thoroughly compromised that at the first meeting.’
"Professional hazard?"
"Shut up," she whispers, and kisses you again.
She sighs into your mouth, a soft, vulnerable sound that makes your heart stutter.
Her fingers tangle in your hair, nails scraping lightly against your scalp, sending shivers down your spine. You walk her backward until she's pressed against the wall, her body arching into yours.
You trail kisses down her neck, learning her— the spot beneath her jaw that makes her gasp, the curve where neck meets shoulder that makes her fingers tighten in your hair. Her pulse races under your lips, a rapid drumbeat that matches your own. When you find a particularly sensitive spot, her sharp intake of breath is the sweetest sound you've ever heard.
She tugs you back up to her mouth, kissing you like she's trying to tell you something words can't capture. Her lips are soft but insistent, moving against yours with a rhythm that makes you dizzy. One of her legs hooks around yours, pulling you even closer, and you groan into her mouth.
Her hands frame your face now, thumbs stroking your cheeks as she kisses you deeper, slower, like she's trying to memorize every second. You respond in kind, pouring everything you can't say into the kiss—how beautiful she is like this, how real, how perfectly she fits against you.
When you finally break apart, you're both breathing hard. Her lips are swollen. You rest your forehead against hers, sharing the same air, neither of you willing to move away.
"Still thinking about the book?" she murmurs, voice husky.
You answer by catching her lower lip between your teeth, gentle but playful, and feel her smile against your mouth.
Her smile against your mouth turns into a soft laugh. "I'll take that as a no."
‘Take it as whatever you want.’ Your lips find her temple, her cheek, the corner of her mouth. ‘I stopped thinking about the book long ago.’
She hums contentedly, her fingers tracing patterns on the nape of your neck. ‘Good.’ Her other hand is still tangled in your shirt, keeping you close. ‘Because I have a confession.’
‘Another one?’
Instead of answering, she kisses you again, slow and deep. Her tongue traces your lower lip, and you respond by pressing her further into the wall, swallowing the small sound she makes. One of her legs is still hooked around yours, and when she shifts slightly, the new angle makes you both gasp.
‘That wasn't a confession,’ you murmur against her lips.
‘No?’ Her teeth graze your earlobe. ‘I thought I was being pretty clear.’
Your hands slide to her waist, steadying her. She's intoxicating like this, all careful control abandoned, her public persona nowhere to be found.
‘Jimin,’ you breathe, and feel her shiver at the sound of her real name.
Her response is to pull you closer, kissing you like she's trying to say everything without words. Her lips are soft but certain against yours, and you lose yourself in the feeling—the warmth of her body, the subtle scent of her perfume.
The city continues its nighttime symphony outside, but in here, the only sound is your shared breathing and the soft, desperate noises she makes when you find that sensitive spot on her neck again.
She pulls back slightly, just enough to meet your eyes. In the dim light, her gaze is soft, unguarded. Her thumb traces your lower lip.
‘What?’ you ask, voice rough.
‘I'm trying to decide something.’
"Whether to throw me off the balcony? Because I thought we moved past—"
She cuts you off with another kiss. Her hands cup your face, holding you there as she explores your mouth with a thoroughness that makes you dizzy. You respond by feeling her firm and perky ass.
‘No—,’ she moans when you break apart for air. ‘I'm trying to decide if this is real.’
Instead of answering, you trail kisses down her neck, feeling her pulse jump under your lips. Her head falls back against the wall, giving you better access. When you reach her collarbone, she makes a sound that's half-sigh, half-moan.
‘Feels real enough,’ you murmur against her skin.
Her laugh is breathy, unsteady. ‘I meant—’ She gasps as you find a particularly sensitive spot. ‘I meant this. Us. This whole night.’
You lift your head to look at her. Her lips are swollen from kissing, her carefully styled hair a mess from your fingers. She's never looked more beautiful.
‘If you think I did all of this for the fun of it, you’re clearly missing something.’
‘A gear in the head?’
‘Definitely—’
‘Gosh, how do I allow this sort of petulance?’
‘Because it’s me.’
‘You’re a player.’
‘Only for you.’ You catch her lips, even more wanting—and she forfeits it all.
You pick her up, mussing up her perfect outfit, mussing up her perfect lips. And you finally throw her against the bed.
‘You’re really roughing up Prada’s global ambassador.’
‘And ambassador to a dozen other brands worth billions—couldn’t care less.’’
She smirks, and her arms open, waiting, pliant, obedient.
You rip off your buttoned shirt, tear off your pants; now, there’s truly no way of going back.
‘Wow. That scar is a lot larger than I imagined.’ She’s referring back to the scar that you received during that drunk haze of a night.
‘It was dark. Might’ve even been a lion.’
‘Mm. Heroic. Come here.’
Now, who could ever resist that?
You rip off her clothes, each layer even more decadent than the other. And then, she was there. bra barely containing her breasts, and a layer of dampness along her sexy panties.
‘That was expensive, by the way.’
‘I’ve got a payment plan on course.’
‘Mm. Enlighten me.’
You pull her panties to the side.
She’s dripping wet, nectar spooling right on her pink core. A glorious sheen that makes you stare far longer than you should’ve. She’s red-faced at this point, and her forearms cover most of her sight, and yet, she doesn’t move, doesn’t retreat.
The first lick you place, just a brush against her engorged clit, crumbles every self-regulated triangle-approved behavior she has. Two pants turn fifty, one lick crumbles everything. Her hips coax you in ways gymnasts can’t even replicate, and of course, you oblige.
Soft licks, teases around her outer lips, swollen from all the anticipation and arousal; tonguing at her inner lips, just at the crux of her clit, gets her screaming in ways her deep voice would never register; and above all, she’s orgasming, squirting, losing every pretense in favor of her built up lust.
‘Oh~fuck—’
Her fingers find purchase in your hair, and she softly pulls you in—rides your face like it was all that she ever desired: her eternal wish.
‘Ohmygod! Imcumming!’ Her voice turns mousy, and her pupils go back in pure pleasure, coupled with hip movements thought impossible: this was the greatest pleasure of her life.
You grab her chin, squeeze softly, her cheeks molding to your grasp, and you press a soft kiss right on her kiss-bruised lips. You let her taste herself on your tongue.
‘Good. Right?’
And she nods. A complete personality switch from the playfulness she displayed earlier. Delicate.
Her hands land on your boxers as she melted into your kiss. Once you felt her palm your cock, you groaned right in her ear. She starts softly, stroking. But her strokes grow more all-encompassing as you press harder into the kiss.
‘Fuck. You’re so good for me.’
She mewls back, on the gradient slide of unadulterated pleasure.
Softly, you release your shaft from the boxer. And you press your cock right on her core. Feeling the wet heat, the sticky nectar that pooled to a mindbreaking degree.
‘It goes without saying.’
‘That I’m head over heels for you?’
You grin, ‘Well, that too, but you’re hopeless.’
‘Maybe if we weren’t so compatible.’
You grab a breast, palming it, ‘Well that, that too, goes without saying.’
She smiles, so warmly, every trace of everything else melted off her face––the sort of smile you’d never forget, and the sort of smile you’d want to wake up to… forever.
Finally, you press into her, and her wet heat envelops you, enough to make you groan, enough to make her moan like there’s no greater pleasure––because really, there’s nothing else.
Her pussy clings onto you, a wet suction that is immeasurably soft and yet, a vacuum-seal-like tightness that gets you groaning after every thrust.
Her arms cling to you, and her eyebrows knit, her small face full of emotion—all of it processing how good you fuck her.
‘Oh god. Would it be bad that I want you to declare to the world that you own me?”
‘Chapter 12—’
She cuts you off, ‘Something along the lines of: “Chapter 12: Karina is my fuckslut”’
‘I don’t tolerate Karina disrespect.’ You say, truthfully.
‘Even if it’s by myself?’
‘Especially for that case, sweetheart.’
‘Oh… you’re too good.’
‘You’re blind.’
Most popular idol in the world, and… she’s hopelessly down bad for you.
‘If I’m blind. Then you don’t have eyes—complete darkness.’
‘We’re two of the same.’
‘I’m your biggest fan.’
‘We’re two of the same.’
‘I love you.’
‘You have a way with words, Karina.’ You reply, pressing soft kisses along her jaw, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, thrusting into her harder, sharing breaths.
‘You’ve inspired me.’
And you lock lips with her, the thrusts were becoming a blur, and her moans music to your ears—it was all just… heaven.
There was no technique. Nothing too purposeful. It was all just pure affection, pure love guiding all your actions. And the fact that she’s cumming again was no coincidence.
‘Oh. My. Fucking. God!’ Her head goes back deep into the pillow and you follow suit. Pressing soft kisses that covered every square centimeter of her beauty, kisses that made her giggle even in her most orgasmic moment of her life.
‘If I knew anything that felt like this… I’d be doing it constantly.’
‘Well—’
‘That’s right,’ Karina gives a soft peck, ‘I have you now.’
You could feel her heartbeat, her skin precipitate, and her cunt pulse—it’s just heaven at this point.
‘Are you trying to convince me to follow you?’
‘2 years, finest in New York.’
‘Deal. Though you overbid a little.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Means anything you want, dear.’
The soft slick of her cunt made it nearly frictionless, just pure pleasure for both parties. Her hips gave way every time, an identity of its own, retreating when you thrust too hard, giving in when softer.’
‘Is this like a sugar mommy situation?’
‘Two words I never expected you to say.’ You both share a laugh.
‘I mean that’s what it is right?’
‘A power imbalance? Please. I can get you to buy a New York penthouse for me at this point.’
‘Well. You’re right. But—’
You bring your cock to the hilt inside of her, whilst stealing her lips for a deep kiss. She moans and mewls and gasps—music to your ears. You change positions. You bring her legs to your shoulders, and you begin kissing along her ankle while thrusting inside of her.
This time, you can see the full view. How her breasts bounce against the thrusts, how her slick has completely covered your entire length at this point, and how beautifully her face is framed between it all.
Her mouth’s agape, moaning, giggling intermittently with the jokes shared through eye contact. You bite softly at her ankle then down her legs, to her calves, then releasing her legs altogether to kiss her again.
She fits perfectly against you, small and delicate but the perfect puzzle piece under you. She’s absorbent, aware of your needs, placing soft kisses along the ridges of your eyebrows, rubbing away the day’s fatigue along your jaw and temple.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
‘I didn’t hear.’
You press against her, feeling her breasts spool against your chest, bring your thrust to the hilt, the wetness of her loins pressed against yours, all of them vividly apparent. ‘I love your beauty. I love your humor. I love how clever you are. I love how authentic you are. And I could continue on and on but I’m about to cum.’
Karina sniffled, ‘God, I was about to cry and then you say that.’ She softly smacks your shoulder, ‘just cum inside me and let’s cuddle.’
You oblige, the thrusts turn into a haze of pure pleasure, a desperate moment chasing the local maxima, and finally, you burst inside of her. Cum spooled, all inside her, and she moaned so gracefully, staring at you with all the affection in the world.
‘We can worry about this tomorrow.’ She palmed your jaw.
‘Of course.’ You fall onto her, cuddling her.
Both of you are a mess, gross, bodily fluid spread everywhere, and yet, the both of you fell into a deep slumber.
A/N: I'd like to apologize for switching up styles so much (But if you enjoyed this dialogue-heavy work, then lmk!)
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MUAY THAI - PART 2
Nayeon x M/Reader
Continuation of Jihyo’s Chapter
Proofread by @vorrentis, big thanks for some ideations by @authorhjk1
Word counts : 7805 words
All works are fiction
ENJOY !
“Music playing”
Kangnam : “ That’s a wrap! Yayy! Thanks for being here Nayeon and Jihyo! Your voices are a-ma-zing!"
Nayeon: "Ohh you’re very welcome Kangnam-Sunbaenim! We really enjoyed this recording!”
Jihyo: "I hope we can collab again soon!"
Kangnam: "I'm looking forward to that! See you later girls!"
Jihyo and Nayeon walk back to their dressing room
Jihyo : “ whew that was long, at least it’s done for the day”
Nayeon: "Yeah I'm hungry now, I wanna go home and watch Arcane, Kookeu is waiting for me at home too, I miss my little baby”
Jihyo: "Yeah right Unnie, you always miss Kookeu lol. But anyway, come by my house tomorrow, I have something to show you”
Nayeon: "What? It’s weekend! I just wanna lay in bed and sleep! It’s been a while I have a weekend off!”
Jihyo: "Trust me unnie, this “souvenir” of mine won’t let you down hehe”
Nayeon: "Ughhhh, fine, better be something good, if not I'm gonna take your stuffs as compensation!”
Jihyo: "See ya tomorrow unnie, and be one time okay, don’t leave me hanging!"
THE NEXT DAY
DING DONG
.
.
SQUEAK
Jihyo: “Well look who’s finally here, it’s cool, you’re only late for like two hours in a half. What took you so long?"
Nayeon: “I got up late, I accidentally bump myself to Kookeu’s plate, he made a mess, I gotta clean it, then I had to change, eat my food and...“
Jihyo: "Okay okay, sheesh unnie, you’re like a kid sometimes, gotta be more careful with your stuffs, I can’t believe we used to live in the same dorm back then”
Nayeon: "Oh my god MOM, stop nagging and let me in, I got you pizzas, ain’t that enough?"
Jihyo: "Seriously unnie, you’re a handful, come on in, don’t want you to make more noises outside”
Jihyo and Nayeon set up their picnic table and turning on Netflix, Nayeon wants keep binging Arcane but Jihyo wants to watch REAL STEEL, but they end up choosing Transformers instead.
Halfway through the movie, both of them already finished their food, Jihyo is sitting down on the floor while Nayeon is lying on the sofa, but suddenly jihyo pauses the movie and turns to Nayeon.
Nayeon: “Hey? What happened? We’re about to see those Deceptive...whatever those guys name are!”
Jihyo: "You wanna see the “souvenir“ I wanna show you unnie? It’s gonna turn things up a notch hehe.“
Nayeon: "Whatever Jihyo, show it to me quick so I can keep watching fighting robots!"
Jihyo: "Gimme a sec, you’ll love it hehe~”
Jihyo walks fast to her room and pull out her Ipad, and then walks back again to Nayeon where she lazily gets up from the sofa
Nayeon: "Don’t tell me you’re gonna show me that episode of Seobja. I watched it already.”
Jihyo: "Oh no, this is wayyy better than that, just open the video and see for yourself“ Jihyo said while smiling wide.
The clip starts and Nayeon leaned back in the cushion.
Nayeon: "Hey wait a minute, is this some sort of...what is it .. oh yeah Muay Thai training? Why are those guys...half naked? And why are you in the middle of those four?"
Jihyo: "Keep watching unnie.”
Nayeon and Jihyo keep on watching.
The clips recorded Jihyo’s entire “training” with the four guys, each of them fucking her holes out while Nayeon gasping, her hearts beating fast each second seeing Jihyo being ravaged in many positions.
The clip ends with Nayeon, eyes widening, still quite shocked from what she just watched Nayeon: "So...you’re telling me...that delays you told us was a lie? And you got fucked? By all those guys? Even that cameraman?"
Jihyo: "Yep! All my holes were filled! I accidentally kicked the trainer in the nuts and blew him out first for compensation, the other guys joined and yeh, all my holes were wrecked and filled. My body smelled like cum walking out that facility that day, I was goddamn sore too but it was worth it hehe.”
Nayeon: "Isn’t that why you said you’re “extra happy” finishing the filming over there and somewhat “high adrenaline“.
Jihyo: “Yup! Don’t you see, those guys are so buff and high stamina they kept fucking me for rounds lol I didn’t even want them to stop but we had to wrap up and they all K.Oed after that last bit, so I had to leave right after. But I got their numbers.“
Nayeon: "Their numbers?"
Jihyo : “Yeh, I still chat to them once in a while, they’re cool dudes, fuck good, nice personality, so why not hehe. Aren’t you jealous I got to spend time with some buff dudes stretching my holes out? (Giggles)”
Nayeon: "No I'm nottt !! But well yeh I do, I haven’t fucked in a while now, comebacks and all...you make me feel horny !!"
Jihyo: "Oh I know you’re always horny for buff guys, but I don’t think you can handle these ones, you’re so...soft~”
Nayeon: "Excuse me! I can handle dicks okay, you’re not the only one who does workout regularly, I'm tough too ya know! Don’t you see how well maintained I was during comebacks, and I still am okay!”
Jihyo: "Well alright then, you wanna compete? Whoever has a better sex tape gets to pay the other person’s rents for three months! I bet ya won’t even last that long with those guys let alone being fucked in all your holes.”
Nayeon: “Oh yeah? You’re on! Gimme their location and I'll prove you soooo wrong !! You’re gonna regret challenging Im Nayeon for this !!!”
Jihyo: “DEAL!"
LATER THAT NIGHT
Jihyo (texting) “ hey guys what’s up!"
Anurak: "Well isn’t it our “friend” Twice Jihyo! What’s up!"
Chakan: "Are you gonna “ visiting” us again?"
Chalerm: "please?"
Jihyo: "lol no, I have bad news for you. I won’t go there this time, got some schedules coming up “
Anurak: "Oh..ok..”
Chalerm : sad icon
Chakan : crying icon
Jihyo: "But I also have some good news, you know Nayeon right?"
Anurak: "Yes of course! What about her?”
Jihyo: "I gave her your address, she’ll be coming over there around the end of this month”
Chakan: "the IM Nayeon is coming here?"
Chalerm: "Wtf, is it for real? We love her !! Her latest comeback was hot.“
Jihyo: "Ohhh really ???? Well then, I guess I hope you guys will treat her well then hehe”
Anurak: "What do you mean by treat? Like help her practice? For a new show? Or something else?"
Jihyo: ""Something“ else, if you guys know what I mean, and I want you to give her the best “ training session “ you can come up with hehe”
Chakan: "Oh yehhhhhh we will, we’ll “ treat” her very very well for sure “
Chalerm: "We’ll show her some "moves” she’ll never forget”
Jihyo: "lol you horny boys, well then, have funnnnnn”
2 weeks later
Nayeon got off the plane and did her best to call the taxi, finally getting to her hotel.
She dosed off right at the moment her body hits the bed.
3 hours later
Nayeon: "Okay let’s see, this facility isn’t too far I guess, hopefully Jihyo didn’t troll me on this if not I'm gonna wreck her, but first gotta cover myself up, don’t wanna attract too many attention around here.”
Despite the hot weather, Nayeon manages to cover herself enough with a huge sunglasses and dress, calls a taxi and ready to go for the facility.
20 min later
Nayeon: "Oh my god that was longer than I thought, sheesh, in this hot weather I might melt like an ice cream. Thanks for not warning me Jihyo.”
Nayeon slowly walks to the door of the facility and walks up the stairs, suddenly a loud noise startle her.
"BAM” "WHACK” “POW”
“1-2-3 COMBO!"“ KNEE STRIKES!""ELBOW STRIKES!” KICK! ANOTHER KICK!”
Nayeon calms herself a bit, slowly removing her sunglasses, steps onto the mat and accidentally slips on the skipping rope.
"Ouch” - Nayeon blurts out
Anurak, surprised by her voice, stops his other two subordinates : "Excuse me miss? Who are you? Are you here for training sessions ? We’re closing early today so you might have to come back tomorrow. Very sorry about that.”
Nayeon, speaks in a shy voice “ Hi.. uh...my friend...Jihyo, introduced me to the place and said I can give it a try with Muay Thai here...am i...interrupting you?"
Chakan: "Oh no miss, we’re ending our session soon too, so you’re not interrupting “
Chalerm: "Are you a friend of Jihyo? We knew her from her last traveling show. Are you here for that as well?"
Nayeon: "Oh no no! I'm just a visitor, I don’t go here for any show at all, just wanna visit the place since Jihyo talked about it A LOT...I'm Nayeon btw, nice to meet you!"
Anurak: "Ohhhhhhh, you’re Nayeon ???? Like Im Nayeon of Twice??"
Chakan and Chalerm, can’t hide their excitement, speaks out loud in Thai: "She’s here !!"
Nayeon: "I'm sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier, I only want to go on this trip on my own so I had to...you know .. remain quite secretive a bit!"
Anurak: "Well now you’re here !! We three are your fans and you’re our big bias since the beginning, and we love your recent comebacks !!!”
Nayeon blush, shyly reply: "Well thank you! But since you’re closing doors soon, I guess I have to come back tomorrow then? I'm sorry I was late, quite a long flight and hot weather made me fell asleep “
Anurak: "Oh no no, we will still close the doors, but we can give you some extra time! Anything for our fav Twice member!”
Nayeon: "Oh sweet !! But...I don’t have any gears and such...only my sports clothes...is that ok...“ Anurak: "Oh that won’t be a problem, we have everything here! And we have some spare clean trousers for beginners too! If you buy two get 1 free!"
Nayeon: "Oh okay then! I'm gonna go change myself! See you in a bit !
While Nayeon goes to the lockers, the three fighters whisper in Thai
Anurak: "Fuck, she’s hot! She’s even prettier outside than on youtube!”
Chakan: "Yehhhh coach !!! I nearly got a boner hearing her sweet voice let alone seeing her in gears!”
Chalerm: "What should we do now coach, we’ll just “train” her like how we did it with Jihyo?"
Anurak: "just do that first, and we’ll see how it goes hehe. After all, we have ALL NIGHT with her “
The three giggle while Nayeon walking out, in her sport bra and black trouser, ready for action.
Nayeon then goes through the same training routine like Jihyo, but unlike Jihyo, she’s rather sloppy and a slow learner, and it takes her a while for the basics.
Nayeon :” uh .. coach ? Which leg comes in front ..? Uh .. is it this leg .. or this one ?” Nayeon keeps asking while her body shakes in confusions.
Anurak :” oh left leg in front and right leg behind ! Strong stance ok Nayeon ? Don’t twist your body too much . Yes that’s it , now you’re ready for some punches ?”
Nayeon :” uh .. yes coach ..!”
Anurak :” let’s go ! Gives me the hardest one you can go ! “
But even her strikes are quite weak compared to Jihyo.
WHACK
Anurak : "Harder ! Jab straight to the pad !"
THUMP WHACK THUMP
Nayeon : " omg oww !!"
Anurak : " Time for Knee strikes ! Go now !"
Nayeon : " Ok ok I'm trying !!"
THUMP
Anurak : " Faster ! Don't loose your balance ! One more time !"
THUMP
Nayeon : " omg my knee !"
Anurak : " Now give me your kicks ! "
WHACK
Nayeon, after her kick, slips herself to the ring floor : " ouchhhh!"
Anurak : " You're ok ?"
Nayeon : " uh .... coachhhhh !! It's too hard !! Can we please go ... very light & slow ? My body is still shaking from the punches ... "
Anurak :" oh ok. Well then we'll just go very light next round then. Take 5 and we'll continue !"
Nayeon : " uggghhhh... ok coach ..."
Anurak (thinking) : " Man, she is surely different, this is gonna take a while."
An hour passed by Nayeon (talks while panting): "Hey coach, can we...stop and...call it a day? I think...my entire body...is sore now, I didn’t know...Muay Thai...is this taxing…”
Anurak: "Oh sure, I think you’re already had most of the basics already, but it’s a tough sport! Not everyone can do this! Took us a while to get to this level!"
Nayeon: "Well then...You mind...if i...go to the lockers...i need to...catch my breath...and put on...some salonpas”
Anurak: "Sure Nayeon, we’ll clean up the place and wait for you out here, take your time!"
Chakan ( in thai): "Damn man she’s weak, no wonder Jihyo kept teasing her in our chats”
Chalerm (in thai) : “Yeh dude, not sure if she even last let alone...having that “session” with us, unlike Jihyo”
Anurak (in thai): "You two wait here, I'll go in and check if she needs anything, go clean up the gears and wait for us”
Meanwhile, Nayeon sits down on the bench panting: "Goddamn it Jihyo, you didn’t tell me this thing is that draining, how the fuck am I gonna spend...that other session with those three, my body so sore now I can barely move”
Knock knock
Nayeon: ”who’s there? I'm okay no worries!”
Anurak: "Oh it’s me Anurak, just wanna check if anything okay? May I come in?"
Nayeon: "Oh yeh sure...I'm okay...just sore that’s all.. but I got some water and rested a bit...so I feel a bit better now...but my arms and legs are sore ..”
Anurak: ”oh really? Hmmm? You mind if I check if you have any injuries? Beginners tend to have small injuries that they don’t know yet until the next few days so just wanna make sure? Would you mind if I do that for you?"
Nayeon (thinking): "Oh shit, she’s gonna examine my body, but...oh well...I'm too sore to do anything anw...a checkup won’t hurt...don’t wanna spend the next days with broken limbs “
Nayeon: "Okay, if you say so, please do, and please be gentle, I'm very sore”
Anurak: "Absolutely! Now how about you lay yourself face down on this massage bench and I'll take a look okay?"
Nayeon then lying down on the massage table, face down, relaxing herself, while Anurak taking some plastic gloves to start checking, moving his hands to her back and shoulders
Anurak: "Okay let’s see, shoulders are fine, no sign of injuries, also the traps and back muscles, pretty much tense, but no sign of heavy damage”
Nayeon (thinking): "Whew, at least that part done, but omg his hands are big and rough, but...why do I feel .. good letting him touching me...holy shit .. is this the adrenaline thing Jihyo talks about?"
Anurak, slowly moving his hands down to her pelvis, smoothly checking her lumbar spines, then moves slowly to her hamstrings and butt cheeks, feeling her soft pale skin, down to her calves. He does it slowly like he’s treating a national treasure, moving his hand on her slim frame just to make sure he doesn’t miss anything
Anurak: “Okay so, hamstrings are okay, tense but no tear whatsoever, same with calves, firm .. sorry, tense but no damage, nothing much beside tense muscles, I think this side of yours are FINE Nayeon”
Anurak(thinking) : “Damn fine too, fuck, I might have a huge boner touching her like this, her ass and skin are fuckin hot”
Anurak: “would you mind if I check your front too Nayeon? Would be good if I can touch...i mean check on if there’s any injuries?"
Nayeon: "Oh .. sure...you can touch...i mean check my front too, please”
Nayeon (thinking): "Holy fuck, my heart is racing, only his hands already made me feel like this, shit, no wonder Jihyo let them fuck her all the way, and I'm not gonna lose to her. Fuck, I think I can handle this.”
Nayeon rolls to the front, and Anurak continues with his "Checkup” by moving his hands slowly from her neck lines, and then to her skinny biceps, and lastly, to her meaty thighs. Each parts Anurak takes his time to savor the fairness of her skin while...doing his best to control his huge boner.
Anurak (thinking): "At this rate I might as well fuck her for real, just like how Jihyo did, but I can’t let it be too obvious, gotta stay calm.”
Anurak: "Okay Nayeon, can you lift your legs up and bend your knees? So I can check if you have any tear in your meniscus and such?"
Nayeon: "Okay sure”.
She slowly does it, exposing the curvy underside of her legs, making Anurak’s eyes drooling with lust
Nayeon: "Am I all good? Did I tear anything?”
Anurak, snaps back to his reality: "oh yes.. I mean No, nothing serious Nayeon, you’re only having tense muscles that’s all, no sign of injuries or anything too serious, if you rest up a few days you’ll be good”
Nayeon: "Okay, phew, I thought that training nearly drained the hell out of me, but I'm feeling better hearing that. Thanks Anurak”
But suddenly, Nayeon’s palm, while trying to get up, grab onto something that is both soft and hard at the same time. She turns to her left, her tiny palm is on top of Anurak’s bulge, and it’s getting bigger the more she holds it
Nayeon: "Oh shit, sorry Anurak I didn’t mean to!”
Anurak: "It’s okay Nayeon !! It’s an accident, no need to be shame about it ,it’s not that you INTENTIONALLY touch it”
Nayeon: "What should I do, sheesh my clumsy hands, I'll make it up to you then, this is awkward!”
Nayeon keeps talking while Anurak’s bulge are gettin bigger
Anurak: "Well, there’s this “ exercises “
Nayeon: "Will that help you to, you know, calm down? If so I'm gladly to help, you helped me checking up on my body, it’s my turn to return the favor”
Anurak: "Sure Nayeon, we can start...with you helping me removing my trouser”
Nayeon ( thinking): "Hell yeh, let’s see how big his dick is, I'm dying to see it like forever now” Nayeon and Anurak slowly move to the locker bench, and in one sweep she removed his trousers easily, making his dick pop out, tapping her face a bit, making her giggles cutely
Anurak, using his best to speak calmly: "Okay Nayeon, now what I want you to do is to use your palm and move slowly along my dick, it will "help” me calm down and I will ease up from the bone...tense here.”
Nayeon (thinking): "this guy lol, he thinks idk how to stroke a dick? Ain’t the first time I'm doing this, especially in lockers, alright then, I'm gonna give him the real POP of his life”.
Then, not wasting any time, Nayeon moves her palm slowly along his dick, at first gentle, back and forth, touching his balls along the way, but in time, she picks up the pace, forcefully bobbing her head up & down.
Anurak: “Fuck Nayeon, holy shit, did you try this technique before? Or are you just being a quick learner?”
Nayeon: "Oh I know this technique coach, I already did this MANY times.”
Anurak: "Well then, I guess you...know what to do next? It would help A LOT more.”
Nayeon: "Oh sureeeee, I'll help you eaaaaasseee up your tenseness, you will love itt!!!”
Suddenly, Nayeon, in a quick succession, open her mouth and starts wrapping her sexy lips onto his big cock, moving her head in and out to his crotch, sucking deep strokes to the base of his dicks, deep throating herself while looking up to Anurak’s pleasure filled face
Anurak (thinking ): "Fuck, holy shit she’s good, she’s too good, could be even better than Jihyo, holy fuck I don’t think I'll last long, she’s too good at this”
Nayeon, continues her blows, teasing Anurak by slowly pulling out from his dick, then suck it straight in again. She does it so quickly that Anurak starts to moan out loud in his own language
Anurak: "Fuccck Nayeon, I'm gonna .. I'm gonna cum...can’t hold it much longer...fuckkk ..!!” And in blink of an eye, Anurak pulls out his dick, stroking himself heavily, cumming hard onto Nayeon’s beautiful face, onto her nose, cheeks and onto her opening tongue, leaving huge blobs of cum onto Twice’s center.
Nayeon, taking her fingers and taste the cum on her face: "Oooh, you taste good coach !! I like itttt! Did it help you to ease up your tenseness?"
Anurak, panting hard while dropping his butt straight down to the bench, speaks out: "Yess .. Nayeon .. omg...it’s too good...oh fuck.. you made me cum...very hard...how did...you do that..”
Nayeon: "I have my ways, and I definitely knows it better than Jihyo (laugh out loud)
“Then you wouldn’t mind try it on us too?"
Suddenly a voice coming up, it’s Chakan and Chalerm, standing over the far right lockers, with their hard dicks out in the air, trousers down to their ankles, stroking them hard with their hands
Nayeon: "Wait, you guys were here all this time? When?"
Chalerm: "We were standing here since coach knocked on the door to check you out, we just sneaked in and been staying behind these lockers”
Chakan: "You’re too hot Nayeon, you’re our bias and we‘ve been fanboying you hard since the beginning, seeing you coming through the doors just making us do horny for you! You’re too pretty and too hot in those gears”
Anurak, still panting, but speaks out slowly: "They’re right Nayeon...since the day...jihyo sent us notices .. that you’ll come here...We were too excited...we couldn’t train properly…. We couldn’t resist you...let alone...seeing you in here...training...while wearing those gears...”
Chakan: "Coach is right...we intentionally closing the facility sooner than usual just to let you spending time with us only, we don’t wanna miss this chance”
Nayeon: "So Jihyo already let you know about my flight? And my visit here? So you were just pretending to be surprised all this time without telling me?"
Chalerm: "We’re sorry, it just, you’re a big star and we don’t have time to travel to see you in concert, and we couldn’t spend that much money for front seats, so this might be our only chances seeing you...we’re very sorry we didn’t tell you”
Nayeon, stays quiet for a bit, the atmosphere in the room suddenly getting tense due to it, making the three fighters feeling awkward, but out of the sudden Nayeon giggles and then laugh out loud.
Nayeon: "Oh my gosh guys, you could’ve said it earlier!!! Sheesh, the reason why I got here was because I saw your vid fucking the hell out of jihyo in all her holes, fuck that was hard, I even asked her to let me save that clip so I can touch myself to if, you guys are buff and hot as fuck, definitely my types hehe~”
Anurak: "So you’re saying, you’re kinda knew this all along? But you’re also kinda go with the flow?"
Nayeon: "Duhhh! I was afraid those tense trainings gonna let me waste my time dragging my lazy self here, but then seein your dick and these two dicks making me wayyyyyyy better now !! Don’t you see how I suck your dick? I just wanna compete with Jihyo who’s gonna last and make the best out of this, therefore, don’t hide anything from me anymore got it?"
Chakan: "So...Nayeon .. will you...uh...you know...let us do the “training” with you the way we did with Jihyo?"
Nayeon: "Hell yeah!" I'm here to get fucked, and I won’t leave the place until my holes are FUCKED properly, so yeh, do your best, I'm gonna stay as much as I want to here”
Chalerm: "Wooooaaaaa,fuckk yeahhh””
Nayeon: "But first, you guys have a shower here? I wanna get out of this mess, and it’s fuckin hot, so I'm gonna really need that shower, asap”
Anurak: "Sure! There’s a shower next to the lockers, right on your left, we’ll let you go clean up and...”
Nayeon, cut his words by putting her fingers onto his mouth, smiling widely: "I didn’t say I'll go alone did i? So...don’t you wanna join me?"
All three together: "FUCK YEAH”
Nayeon laugh a bit, and then rises up walking fast towards the shower, intentionally wiggling her ass for the three guys to see, trying to partially do her ABCD dance, albeit more lewd and sexually teasing.
Nayeon then removing her sports bra, turning her head back a bit to blow an air kiss to the guys, taking her left hand to cover her tits, with her fingers making signs for the three to follow.
The three guys, getting too horny, ripping out their clothes and following her straight to the shower, where Nayeon standing there, trousers down to her feet and starting to removing her underpants, showing them her entire naked body, with her fair skin "Decorated “ by the water running all over from head to toes, her round tits showing, her sexy tummy and her pussy lips baring, and her plump cheeks are waiting to be fucked.
The three guys are getting too horny, rip out their clothes and follow her straight to the shower, where Nayeon is standing there, trousers down to her feet and starting to removing her underpants, showing them her entire naked body, with her fair skin "Decorated “ by the water running all over from head to toes, her round tits showing, her sexy tummy and her pussy lips baring, and her plump cheeks are waiting to be fucked.
As Nayeon turns on the the water knob for some cold water, since it helps to ease up the muscle soreness, she turns back, bare all naked in front of the guys, asking them : “The water is quite cold, don’t you guys wanna "Heat “ it up with me? Don’t leave a girl waiting !!”
The three, can’t control their bodies, starting to reach their hands out to Nayeon body, groping her juicy thighs, moving their large palms to her tits and groping them, while some other hands moving along her back, straight to her abs and waist.
Another pair of hands, kneading her plump butt cheeks, while moving down to her soft pussy, somewhat fingering the her entrance, and of course, that tiny anus of her, even with the slippery water their hands don’t seem to have any troubles grabbing her body parts, making Nayeon moans.
Nayeon (thinking): "Omg, their hands are groping me...so good...they’re gonna fuck me hard and I want i...you wait jihyo...I'm gonna drain these guys as hard as you do.. BUT BETTER”
Nayeon then suddenly drops down to her knees, with water keep pouring onto her body, looking at the three hard dicks in front of her and sharing a smile.
With that, she starts using her tiny palms to touch each of the shafts simultaneously, with her fingers moving along the lengths, starting from the tip to the bases of their dicks, and she doesn’t forget grabbing their balls either, making the guys moans with each strokes.
Nayeon, with the best of her abilities, opens her mouth widely and wraps to a dick on her left, sucking it in and out in long strokes, while her hands still massaging the other dicks to get them prepared.
After a few sec, she switches her mouth to the one in the middle, leaving no break time, doing the same thing from the first one, and lastly, the one on the other side. Their dicks are huge, but for Nayeon they are her treats, with her mouth is working tirelessly between the 3 , sucking long strokes and even let herself gagging on them.
Nayeon does her best to mimick Jihyo, not leaving any dicks behind, but since she loves oral sex, she just makes things even lewder, by not simply sucks one dick at a time and alternates between them, but, she opens her mouth as big as she can to suck two at the same time, making the guys shocked to their souls and shouting out: "Woooooaaaa Nayeon, you’re really the best! I...we...we don’t think...we could hold our cum...any longer...!!””
Nayeon, hearing their compliments, pulls out from their dicks and answers right away: "I know I am !! So, are you guys gonna give me, your bias huge loads of cum in her mouth and face or not hehe? I'm waiting!”
The three guys: "Fuckkkk yessss!!”
And with that, they reach their climaxes, starting with Chakan cum straight to Nayeon left cheek and a bit to her hair strands, following by Chalerm on the right side on her cheek and a bit to her forehead, finishing with Anurak going forward to her nose and opening lips
Nayeon, while bare opening her eyes due to the water and the cum, fulfilled her first task of today, even with the water kinda wash away the cum, she doesn’t mind a bit, since, this won’t be the last cum she’ll get for the day.
The three guys helping her standing up, still taking time to recover from their cum.
But then one guy turns Nayeon back to his front, slowly teasing his dick to her pussy.
Nayeon, guessing it’s Anurak ,asking out: "Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna put you big dick inside me?"
Anurak replies: "Yes Nayeon,I'm gonna fuck your beautiful pussy now!”
Nayeon blurts out loudly with no care in the world: "Then what are you guys waiting for?Lunar New Year ???? FUCK ME! RUIN MY HOLES! ALL OF IT! CUM INSIDE AND ON ME AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, I DON’T CARE, I WON’T LET YOU STOP UNTIL YOU FILL ALL MY HOLES AND I'M LEAVING THIS PLACE WITH A CUM FILLED BODY!!!”
Anurak then gives signs for his two men to set up a tripod with Nayeon’s phone, starting to film this entire sinful act that she and the guys will do, per her request.
Then, Anurak, with all his might, starts pounding Nayeon hard from behind, making her from small moans to loud scream, with the cold water pouring down all over the four of them.
Nayeon, in her messy state, screaming out “ HARDER! FUCK THAT PUSSY HARDER!"While trying to lean forward to grab the other two cocks, still stroking while being wrecked by their coach.
Then, Anurak, let Nayeon down to her knees, pushes her head down gently, ass up face down to the floor, put his cock into her hole again and keep on pounding.
Nayeon, feels full of pleasure, screaming out loudly.
Being fucked like this is even better than what she can imagine.
Anurak, getting close to his limit, tensing himself, cum straight into Nayeon’s hole, loudly and proudly.
Slaps her ass a few times, he slowly pulls out, his thick cum flowing out from her vagina, mixing with the water, letting Nayeon stays like this a bit while he backs himself to the wall resting.
Chakan and Chalerm, been waiting for their turns, pull Nayeon up to the middle of the shower place, dragging her slightly so she can walk a bit after the hard pounding.
Then, Chalerm, laying down flat to the watery floor, his dick stands straight up to the ceiling, along with with Chakan, guides Nayeon sits onto his cock, but this time, not into her pussy, straight to her anus, leaving Nayeon eyes rolling out and scream so loud :"FUCKKKKK !!! MY ASS! Fuck my ass !!! Now !!!"
Chakan with his horniness is reaching its peak, kneeling down to his knees, slowly pushes his big dick into her pussy.
At first it was quite hard with the position, but it’s getting easier as Nayeon relaxes herself a bit, and the two guys piston her wildly in tantrum, making Nayeon a mess between the two.
The two cocks keeps on pumping in and out, leaving Nayeon scream her lungs out, while Anurak is standing from the side, taking the camera closely to film their sinful acts together.
Chakan then stuffs his big lengthy dick inside Nayeon’s pussy, taking the advantage of being on top, keeps ramming in hardly, while Chalerm, with his dick inside Nayeon’s asshole, trying his very best to match his partner, moving his hips in and out to feel the warmth of her anus hole.
After a few moments of pumping, they blurt out together: “I’m cumming !!”
Nayeon: "YESS! Cummm in meee !!!!! Fucking fill meee!"
And the two cum straight in her pussy and her anus.
Her holes, tighten up during climax, squirting out and mixing with their juices.When the two fighters both pull out, water just mix everything together into a sinful mess of human fluids, leaking out from Nayeon’s sore holes.
Nayeon, in her messy but watery state, moans out loudly: "Heyyyy, we should continueeee !!! I want to get filled more !!! The water keeps washing away all your cumm leaking out from my holes !!! Keep goinggg, i’m not gonna be weak and losing to Jihyo on this oneeee !!”
Anurak: "Well then Nayeon, we will fuck your holes until we run dry, we will fill you as much as we can! Considering this another training!"
Nayeon, as she’s still sitting butt flat on the shower floor, suddenly being picked up, and the fucking just getting started.
From being pinned to the wall by Anurak, Nayeon is having her entire front being mashed to the walls, pussy being filled and rammed with Anurak’s dick, in and out hardly without any stops. Anurak is also making sure he’s “jabbing” deeply into her tight walls, full of forces and velocity, with his bias moans out his name in between thrusts.
For a moment later, with herself being on all four, Anurak slides in and out of Nayeon’s asshole, while she’s being deep throated by either Chakan or Chalerm in the front, hold on to her head and pump real fast to her mouth, spit-roasting her in cold water.
Being filled like this is exactly what she had in mind even before coming here, as Nayeon is somehow being able to shout out: ”Mppphmm… FUCKKKK… FUCK ME MORE!!! MY HOLES ARE DYING FOR MORE!!!
Even more so, they try to carry her slim frame up, double penetrating her while in the air, with Nayeon is fully panting hard and screaming the highest notes of her entire singing abilities.
Nayeon holds tight to one fighter, her entire body hovers up & down with water is splashing all over her face, while enjoying another dick pokes strongly through her anal hole. Her body doesn’t seem to have any problem with the slippery position, either moving by herself or letting the fighters “jab” straight up her holes.
Her entire vocal is echoing the entire shower room in the most lewd and erotic tone as possible: “FUCKKKKKK !!!! AHRRHRH YESSS !!!! FUCKKKK MEEEE!!!! MY HOLES FEEL SO GOOD!!!“
The three guys, lost count how many times they have spilled their juices inside and all over Nayeon, fucking her all the four surfaces wall in any position they can think of, even at one point their cum are so thick they keep spilling out from her no matter what she does, with Nayeon happily enjoys her fans "Worshiping “ her holes one way or another.
Nayeon’s horniness doesn’t seem to fade at all, but even rise up to a higher level.
Nayeon, somehow still maintains her abilities to collect her thoughts while being fucked, thinking: "Omfg, yess, fuck me you three,...Yess...fuck your beautiful bias hard...ravage my body...I’m winning...yesss...they will keep...fucking me...Until they’re all emptied...fuck...I feel...i feel like their queen now...fuckkk !!!”.
Some few moments later, all three guys, tired and drained all their cum inside Nayeon such, finally putting her down to the shower floor,, all wet and full of cum, sore but filled with orgasm.
The three fighters then walk of the shower, drag their own bodies out to the mat and lie down to it, all naked without any care.
Nayeon then wakes herself up from her entire ordeals, starts cleaning all the mess inside her holes, washes herself out and happily walks out with a towel along her body.
Even after being fucked without mercy inside the shower room, her body, her curves, and her facial expressions are still glowing as ever, making it a challenge to resist her charms.
But suddenly…
BANGGG
BOOM
…the sandbag on the side falls straight to some of the free weights, crashing on some of the equipment and part of the training mirrors, leaving a mess.
The three guys, like having electricity run through their bodies, wake up from their quick naps and ask out loud
"What the fuck was that !???? What the fuck happened?"
They look around, and see Nayeon, with a scared face, both hands are covering her mouth, walks back a bit.
It was Nayeon, in all her clumsiness, leaned onto the damaged sandbag and made the hooks fell off, created all this mess.
The entire room is panicked, with the three guys try their best to lift out the weights and remove the sand from it.
Anurak, in his angry voice, screams out loud: "WTF Nayeon! You should’ve been more careful! This is the last of our equipment here and they ain’t cheap! We’re not as rich as you you know?"
Nayeon, scared to her life, cries out: "I'm .. I'm so sorry…. I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean to .. I .. I didn’t know it was damaged...please...I'm scared...idk what to do...please don’t be angry…"
She’s meekly crying out while her body is shivering
Chakan and Chalerm have to calm down their coach: "Coach, it’s not her fault, we should’ve been more careful too to let her know about that shitty sandbag, it was an accident, look at least the weight are still there and we can replace that part of the mirror, the other equipment, I think we can ask our sponsors for it next month?"
Chakan tries to do his best to calm Anurak while Chalerm holding on to a weakened Nayeon, still crying her hearts out.
Anurak, as he calms down a bit, sit on the bench near there: "Well, sorry I was being sensitive, but it took me a long ass while to get these sponsors and those equipment, I even had to lower my salaries to buy some extra tools, that’s why I'm fucking pissed“
Nayeon, also calms down a bit, walks slowly to Anurak in her meek state: "I...I can...buy you back.. those equipment...I can repay you all that...I have money for those,...I didn’t mean to come here and made this mess...please, it’s a lesson for me to be more careful too...please don’t be angry with me...”
Anurak: "Well.. it’s hard to be angry for long seeing you like this, at least there are some compensations, but we might have to close the facility for a few days to clean up this mess, so there goes part of our salaries”
Nayeon: "I...I can pay for that too .. if you really need it...heck, I can pay your salaries in full month for you three, please .. lemme help, I'm sincerely do wanna make it up for you three .”
Anurak: "Well, that solves another problems, but here’s another thing...I'm angry and we had to do all those extra chores to clean the equipments, we’re all tense again, so...What do you say Nayeon? Any other techniques you wanna show us to?"
Nayeon, suddenly wipes off her tears, her smile is back again, saying it with a rather lewd voice: "Well why don’t you say it earlier? ( giggles) like I said, I'm “sincerely” wanna make it up for you three, any ways you want”
Anurak: ”Alright Nayeon, do it! Show us your last rounds! Take this as penalties for your violations of property damages, let’s get going!"
Nayeon: "right away coach! (Giggles)”.
She then stands straight, throws her towel away, leaving her bare naked again, in front of the mirror for everyone to see, gropes her tits and fingers her pussy to tease the guys.
Chalerm, already knows the signs, sets up the tripod again for another recording, then hurries himself joining the other two as they’re groping Nayeon’s body again, but this is where another fun starts.
Anurak, pulls Nayeon in front of the mirror, describes his rules: “Okay Nayeon, this will be your final lesson and also your penalties, you have to take all three of our dicks, AT THE SAME TIME, while keeping us not cum fast into you, but all over your face and body, got it?"
Nayeon, (pretends to be afraid) : “But coach, it’s too hard for me to hold your cum, let alone all three of you at the same time?"
Anurak: "It’s the rules Nayeon, it’s your challenge and also penalties, you made this mess right? And we already fucked all your holes back there, if you can do this I might really forgive you for your antics, you have to give us three rounds each hole for each of us”
Nayeon (keeps pretending to be afraid): "Okay coach...I'll...do my best.. I already promised...then I will do it!”
Nayeon ( thinking ): "Fuck yeah, that’s it, this IS the main even for today, they will fuck me at the same time while I'm pretending to be this meek self of mine. They’re gonna wreck all my holes, and I'm loving if, fuck, it makes me wanna cum just thinking about it”
Anurak: "Are you ready Nayeon? You’re ready to be stuffed in all your holes at the same time?"
Nayeon (still pretending): "Yes coach!”
Quickly, Chalerm, lays down flat to the floor again, guides Nayeon to face the mirror, then let her sit down straight to his dick in a cowgirl position, slowly pumping in and out of her to warm her up.
Anurak, gets to her back, starts kneading her butt cheeks while his thumb is spreading out her other hole, slowly lining his huge dick into hers.
Nayeon, while already pretty used to double penetrated from their last sessions, still feels so full and enamored with two cocks in her holes, as she’s breathing hard and blurts out "FUCKK”.
While chakan, pushes his dick straight to her mouth, leaving Nayeon finally being stuffed in all ends.
The three of them start moving, like training for their coordination, move in and out of Nayeon’s tight holes.
Nayeon, being stuffed all the way, moans out while keeping her mouth grips on to a cock in her throat.
All three guys are feeling euphoria, fucking their fav bias in all her holes, a dream they could never imagine comes true.
They keep moving hard in tandems, until Anurak gives signs for the other two to switch places, filling Nayeon again for round two with even harder thrusts.
Nayeon (thinking in her messy state) : “ fuck...all three...of them...filling me every holes...I'm full of cocks .. fuck...i need this .. this shit is too good.. I don’t...fuck .. don’t want them to stop at all...I'm feeling so good...can’t describe it...any longer .. I want their cum...so bad”
Round three is starting, with the three guys switch up again, but this time, the hardest they’ve been tonight, pouring their stamina into Twice’s center, all three muscular bodies is really attacking Nayeon’s slim but curvy frame, as if she’s being stuck in a traffic jam.
Nayeon can’t think anymore, just enjoying everything inside and out as her dream of being ravaged by multiple men is now a reality, and even better, being recorded on camera for hours.
Out of the sudden Anurak spills out: "Fuck .. gonna cum...”
Then chakan follows: "Me too.. gonna cum real soon”
And then chalerm: "Me three .. can’t.. hold it...anymore”
Anurak: “ fuck...let’s cum all over her, I wanna see her.. full on cum !!”The three quickly pulls out as they’re all setting Nayeon kneels down on her knees, waiting for the huge blasts of cum preparing for her.
Finally, with Chalerm cumming first, his spurts go straight to her hair, forehead and nose, following with Chakan, streams of cum fly to her cheeks, upper lips, and a bit to her neck.
And lastly, Anurak, spills his huge blast of cum to her mouth, lips, smearing the rest of his cum to her tits, with the other two doing the same.
Afterwards, all three of them just drop their entire bodies down to the mat, leaving a cum-covered Nayeon, all naked, with thick cum covered her entire face, dripping some to her tits, tummy, some on her lower body and to the mat below.
As Nayeon tries her best to remove some of the cum on her face, just barely enough for her to open her eyes, the other three are slowly getting to their sweet dream.
Nayeon, brings out a huge smile then remarks to herself while panting: "Well .. I guess .. this is enough...for my compensations”
A week later…
AT JIHYO’S PLACE
Video playing
"Oh fuckkkk, fuck my pussyyy, fuckkk my asss hard !! Fuckk !!”
Jihyo: "I guess I underestimated you, you really did drained them. Good job.”
Nayeon: "See? They even love me, I'm their bias and they really LOVE me all night, and my holes are just fully filled !!!”
Jihyo: "Well, yeh I get that, but I got fucked by FOUR GUYS and I still can walk around, therefore, I win yooooo!!!”
Nayeon: "What the, who said you win, those three fucked my ALL over their facility, and I even let them have my cum stained naked selfies! I win !!!”
Jihyo: "Nuh uh !! You only had that extra because somehow you got lucky enough they wanted to fuck your holes for compensations!! You were supposed to end at the shower, cheater !!”
Nayeon: "Ain’t no way I'm losing this !!!!!! You’re just jealous because they love fucking me more! I'm their queennn !!!"
Jihyo: "Gosh Unnie!!! You’re just troublesome !!!”
The two of them keep on arguing through the night, bragging about their “ achievements”, without knowing there’s a message appears on Nayeon’s phone.
Message: "Hi Nayeon Unnie, it’s me Karina from Aespa, I heard your stories from Winter, would you mind if we can chat? Thank you so much unnie ”
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Not a Need, but a Craving | Loser!Perv!SKZ
Warnings: Chris is lowkey a creep here lol, Perverted behavior; Panty stealing, slapping of tits/ass/face, hair pulling, up-the-skirt pics, one-sided masturbation, meandom?Jeongin Pairing: OT8 [individual] x Fem-implied!Reader Genre: Suggestive but not smut (well.. sort of. 18+) Notes: Based loosely off of this perv!skz post I did a while ago. <- read this first!
방찬
Relation: Trainees
❥ Chris tells himself he'll delete these pictures every time he takes them, but he always ends up adding them to the the album specifically curated towards you and your -- well, the panties he deemed so cute and so sexy, enough so that he needed the pictures on his phone or he'd die. It was the only thing that he could get off to at this point; Women just didn't ever seem to want to come home with him so he could actually get some pussy, so...
❥ He's almost... proud of himself with how slick he's gotten; Taking pictures up your dress at the club when you're dancing against him, sneaking a photo or two up your skirt on the train while you wait to get off, or even up your nightgown when you're in the kitchen making breakfast for him after he stayed the night because the ride home was hours long and you had too big of a heart to let him go so late in the night.
❥ And of course he knows you can never find out. You're pretty, popular amongst the trainees and he's -- yeah, he's been there a long chunk of time but he doesn't have a ton friends or go out with people like you do. If you found out, if anyone found out, he'd be kicked out of the company and he'd never see you - or your pretty pussy and cute lacy panties - ever again...
리노
Relation: College students
❥ Minho is always touching you. When he can, at least.
❥ It started all because you sat next to him when studying. He was there to help you, but you insisted on moving closer to look at the textbook he was gesturing to and the moment your thigh brushed against his own it was all over for him. He'd tensed up and choked on every word that tried to leave his throat, ears bright pink. He could even smell your perfume from where he sat.
❥ He knew almost immediately he needed more, so as he came over more often to help you with classwork - because that's all he was to you, a tutor - he would let you sit close or even ask you to come sit beside him instead of across the table so he could have you right there. He would think about it later, too; The way your hand lingered on his arm when you patted it and bid him goodbye that evening, the way your fingertips brushed over his own as you eyed the textbook together.
❥ Maybe he was a bigger loser than he thought, getting off just from the simple touch of a pretty girl he shares a class with. (Not that he'd ever admit to you that sometimes he comes in his pants when your thighs touch his own under the table...)
창빈
Relation: Gym buddies
❥ Changbin was... still shameless.
❥ But even less so, now. He'd begun asking you to come to the gym with him all three times of the week he went - his schedule a bit busier than normal these days - and every single time he would go home and right away hop in the shower to tug on his cock.
❥ He'd started doing this... thing. He swore it was so that at the end of the year, you could create a video that showed your progress over every day you spent together at the gym working hard - but really, Changbin took photos of you two together at the end of your workouts just so he could use them while he got off later that evening. The sight of your hair all messy, you in slightly damp workout leggings and a sports bra, skin shiny with a thin layer of sweat...
❥ He knew it was a little gross, using your body to get off like that. Especially when you were sweaty in all of the pictures - But he preferred it that way. He could hear your heavy breathing in his ears even hours after you'd parted ways, the way your chest bumped his arm as he flexed and you held up a playful peace sign and smile. Call him gross all you want - He knew what he liked, and what he liked was you.
현진
Relation: Friend of a friend
❥ The collection was growing day by day and Hyunjin was getting more and more bold with every move he made. He never got the real thing because girls just weren't interested in him with his long hair, glasses, and pretty round eyes; so this was the best he'd get.
❥ He'd started sleeping over more often, using Felix as a reason to even be there in the first place. You two were close, he was close with the Australian - so he was automatically invited too, right? Right! And when he was over at your house and you were distracted playing a game with Felix, well - what was Hyunjin to do but go through your drawers and find something to take home with him?
❥ He's got favorites, of course. Anything pink is by far at the top of his 'I want this' list, stealing a lacy pair the first time he came over - then two more pair, one set seamless and the other covered in cherries, the next time he visited. Luckily for you, he doesn't stay the night at your place too often, or you'd be running out of underwear constantly with how he's stealing them left and right.
❥ But Hyunjin swears he's seen you stealing glances at him here and there, so... maybe if you knew he was using them to jerk himself off every night or sleeping with them curled up near his face so he could rest with your scent right beside him, you'd be more open to just handing him a pair to keep.
❥ It's only a matter of time before he starts taking the used ones.
한
Relation: College Roommates
❥ Jisung can't help the way he's just so... submissive? Around you?
❥ Let me explain. Jisung's developed a real bad habit of acting like he needs help from you when you're around because if he needs help, you'll touch him. He'll eat messier than normal so you'll wipe his lips clean for him - and yes, he'll practically come in his pants at the feeling of your thumb so close to slipping in his mouth - or he'll almost act as if he doesn't know how to do something so you'll hold his hands while you explain or hold onto him as you help him learn how to do something. Even if he's just faking being a bit of a himbo so you'll help him.
❥ And one of the reasons he gets away with this ^ so easily? Is because he's a known loser around campus and he's constantly teased for it. And you..? Well, you're the pretty girl who takes pity on him.
❥ His favorite is when you come to check on him at night or peek in to see if he's sleeping before you shower. He'll hum out that his head hurts or that his back aches from training all day or working out - and you'll comb his hair through your fingers or rub your hands down his back until he's falling asleep under your touch. And while, yes, it does help him sleep in the long run - it also makes him rock hard. The moment you leave the room after he 'falls asleep' he's rutting his hips down against the mattress and whimpering your name into his pillow.
필릭스
Relation: Best friend's brother
❥ Felix is affectionate with everyone he's close to. But you -- you're beautiful, and soft, and your tits are just so...
❥ Call him a loser if you want - he knows it's what he is. A desperate, shy, sweet angel who's booksmart and tries way too hard to be cool, who hangs around the pretty, popular girl because she's his sister's best friend. Just the precious little brother who sees that gorgeous girl once or twice a week at his home and takes it as an opportunity to hang around her; Hugging onto you, burying his face in your neck, cuddling up close during movies.
❥ And you let him cling to you because 1) He's hot, and 2) You know it's the only touch from a woman he'll ever get. And you suppose you don't mind the way his hands wander over your body when he swears he's just cuddling close and getting comfortable. You're pretty sure he doesn't realize you know he's feeling you up and groping every curve of your body, but. Ignorance is bliss.~
승민
Relation:
❥ It starts as an accident.
❥ Seungmin's hand caught in your hair when he laid it on your back and as he pulled away, his ring caught and pulled. He'd moved away so fast it had been enough to make your head lull back, a gasp and yell of pain and laughter falling from your lips as you reach to push his arm away.
❥ And Seungmin... -- God. He's weak in the knees. He spots the way your mouth falls open, your nose crinkles and eyes close at the feeling of your hair being pulled. And he knows in that moment that he needs to see you like that again.
❥ So he does it as a joke; subtle and cautious about it at first. You'll play fight or bicker about anything and Seungmin will pull your hair, fingers fisted tight in the strands until his hand was so close to your scalp that he had full control of your head. On one instance he had pulled you close until his face was inches from yours, cocking a brow and listening to you whine about how tight he was holding onto your hair - and another, you'd dropped forward into his lap in laughter while he was still holding onto you and he swore he almost shot a load in his boxers. That was the closest a woman had ever been to his hips - And if you didn't feel the way his cock twitched against the side of your face, it would've been a miracle.
아이엔
Relation: Close friends
❥ Jeongin loves being a little mean to you because you're the only woman in his life who will let him get away with it.
❥ You're one of his closest friends, even if he's kind of lame and everyone looks down on him for being the youngest in his group - and you're the one who openly bickers with him, teases him, and he does it all back to you and you take it, which surprises him a little bit. You let him pull on you and wrestle with you or cling to you when he's tired, even if he's all sweaty and gross. But sometimes the wrestling or bickering turns to pushing and pulling on each other until you're both on the floor and he's holding you down while you're kicking to be free.
❥ The first time he spanks you, all he remembers is the way you cry out and feeling of your ass against his palm. He plays it off by laughing because that's what you do, completely disregarding it and brushing it off before spanking him as well in retaliation - and he lets it happen. Not because he's into it, but because he's too distracted with trying to figure out how to hide the fact that he's so hard it hurts.
❥ He's going to need more of that feeling in the future. He knows he does - so he does it again to test the waters and when you, once again, laugh at it and take it as play-fighting, he dares to go further. These days the two of you are always slapping at each other's arms and thighs and ass - but if he's feeling really bold he'll slap your tits and sometimes, your face. Gently, of course, little taps here and there when it comes to your cheeks. And each time you take it in stride with giggles and slapping him in return, while he gets off to it later that evening in the bathroom stall after practice, remembering the way you feel under his palms when he spanks you.
❥ And that's how Jeongin discovered his impact play kink.
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Professor Harkness
Paring: Darkish!Agatha Harkness x reader
Summary: Agatha is a very attractive but strict Professor in your College. You somehow manage to keep up with her without seducing her like many students tried but failed to, which makes her take an interest in you.
Warnings; spanking, fingering, cunnilingus, professor kink?
Word Count: 3.5k
A/n: Haven’t posted in quite a bit, my bad!!! This is lowkey ass but I hope you like it!
This was your first year of college. You lived in Eastview most of your life but chose to go to Westview college when you got a full ride scholarship. It was scary at first, moving away from home, away from your parents but you got a new start.
As you got comfortable in your new environment, you had asked around about your teachers to know what to expect from them and everyone told you they were chill except for one, Professor Harkness. Many of the people you asked said she was a bitch, was way too strict, acted like she had a stick up her ass but “at least she was hot.” ‘Lucky me,’ you thought. You later figured out you had her once a week on Wednesdays. At least you only had to deal with her one day a week.
Your first day soon approached, your teachers all seemed very easygoing and understanding which only made you more nervous to meet the infamous Professor Harkness. Wednesday rolled around and you woke up nice and early to get ready. You wanted to make a good first impression, well, at least attempt to.
You were the first student to show up to the lecture hall. You took a seat at the very front, you liked to be able to hear everything your teachers said. After about five minutes, more students strolled in, filling up all the seats and finally, in all her glory, she walked in last. They weren’t lying when they said she was hot.
She walked to the front of the room, carrying a stack of papers and a bag. She placed the stack on the podium and began to set up for class. She didn’t bother addressing the class until the bell rang.
“Good morning everyone. I’m Professor Harkness and you will address me as such, no ‘Miss’ or ‘Mrs,’” she picked up the stack she had previously placed on her desk and started passing the papers out, “This is my syllabus. My email and office hours and at the top, if you have any questions, competent questions I mean, feel free to reach out. The first section talks about my deadlines-“ she was suddenly interrupted by a tardy student knocking on the door.
Her expression turned from somewhat welcoming to anger in seconds. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, clearly frustrated by the tardy student, then opened the door.
“Don’t bother coming back to this class.” She stated in a cold tone before shutting the door on the student’s face. She continued on going over her rules and expectations, which were extremely high but nothing you couldn’t handle, like nothing happened.
This was going to be fun.
As the weeks went on, less and less people remained in her class either because they couldn’t handle it or they got kicked out. Many tried to seduce their way to an A but Professor Harkness was not having any of it. You found it embarrassing how the boys tried to flirt with her, sometimes even girls.
She dealt with the various attempts made to seduce her in the most professional ways, or unprofessional too, she didn’t seem to care. She would ignore their comments or straight up insult them, she had no time to deal with idiots.
You found it hot. You might have thought about her treating you just like that once or twice while getting yourself off, but of course you would never admit it or tell anyone. You were too scared to approach her anyway. She would most likely report you if she ever heard that you found her strict and harsh ways “hot”.
She didn’t seem to notice your presence much until she started noticing the efforts you put into her class. She couldn’t remember the last time any of her students were competent enough to reach the bare minimum of her expectations. She was not one to have a soft spot for students yet she found herself paying more attention to you in particular, she found it amusing how serious you were about her class.
You didn’t seem to notice her attraction at all. You didn’t notice the hungry looks or the way she would speak just a bit softer towards you if you raised your hand in class. Well, you did but you thought you were imagining things or that she was just in a good mood. You never actually approached her one on one. You thought she was very intimidating plus you always understood her material and never had to approach her. That was until now.
She had assigned a project and you couldn’t seem to understand a specific part of it so when the class was over and everyone strolled out, you stayed behind.
“Professor Harkness?” You called out nervously. She looked up from her papers and saw you still sitting in the classroom, the rest of the students were gone.
“Ah, Y/n.” She spoke your name, which honestly kinda surprised you. She set down her pen and stood up from her desk, walking over to you and leaned against the edge of the desk.
“You need something?”
“Y-yeah. I don’t mean to be annoying, I know you said if we had any questions, to reach you through email or visit you during office hours but I promise this is quick.” You rambled on, hoping she wouldn’t curse you out like she did other students. To your surprise, she simply nodded for you to go on.
“I can’t seem to understand this part of the project,” you pointed to a specific part of the rubric she gave out, “Could you explain further please?” She leaned over your desk to look at the rubric, her body hovering over yours. She studied the part you were pointing at, taking note of your struggle.
“Ah, I see. That part can be a bit tricky for some,” she proceeded to explain the section in more depth, her eyes scanning your features as you took in her every word. She made sure you were understanding every word she said, her gaze never leaving your face as she watched your expressions. It was almost addicting how attentive you were.
“Oh okay. That makes so much more sense now, thank you Professor Harkness. I hope it wasn’t a bother.” She smirked at your response, amused by how polite you were.
“It’s no bother at all, Y/n.” She said, straightening up and leaning against the desk again.
“But, since you’re still here…” she turned to a stack of archives on her desk, “Would you be a sweetheart and help me take these to my office?”
“Of course!” you agreed immediately. You took half of the stack while she took the other half and led you to her office. The office was spacious and organized. She had shelves full of books, papers and other things. A large desk was displayed in the middle of the room, along with a comfortable looking couch against the wall and a chair across from it. She gestured to the chair as she set her half of the archives down on her desk.
“Set those down here, please.” You carefully placed the stack on her desk. She walked over to her chair and sat down, watching you set the archives down with a satisfied smile.
“Is there anything else you need, professor?” You asked, sweetly.
“No, that’s all for now. But I have a question for you, Y/n.”
“What is it?” She leaned back in her chair, her eyes never leaving yours as she studied your expression.
“You’re one of my best students, if not the best. You’re not like the other idiots who just show up to class and fail every test. You actually care about the material, don’t you?”
“Mhm…” you hummed in response, trying to figure out what she was getting at. She chuckled softly, crossing her legs.
“You wouldn’t want to disappoint me then, would you?”
“O-of course not.” She smirked at your stutter, finding it adorable how nervous you seemed.
“Good. You may go now. Have a good day, hon.” Your cheeks flushed at the pet name.
“H-have a good day, professor.” She watched as you left her office, a smirk still on her face. She couldn’t help but think about how cute you were when you blushed like that.
—
As the semester went on, Agatha tested you. She would give you material that was harder than the rest to see how you would do and you always came out on top. Rarely did you ever ask for help, nine times out of ten you could handle yourself. She was proud of you but she felt the need to punish you for something. To make you submit to her in a way, so when midterms began and you took her exam, she failed you on purpose.
When you got your grade back, you were stunned. You had studied your ass off night after night to prepare for it and you still somehow failed. This could potentially jeopardize your scholarship and not only that but you let down Agatha. You desperately needed her approval for some reason and you knew she would most likely not give you a chance to retake it but you chose to test your luck.
“Professor Harkness?” You said meekly as you strode into her office. It was six in the afternoon so mostly everyone had already gone home except for her apparently even though it was way past her office hours. She looked up from her desk, a small smirk on her face when she saw you. It was like she was expecting you.
“Yes, Y/n? Come in, close the door behind you.” You did as she asked.
“I um…I wanted to talk about my test score. I know you’re not one to give second chances but I really need to retake it. I studied so hard for it and this could put my scholarship at risk.” You pleaded with her. She leaned back in her chair, folding her arms and looking at you with a cold expression.
“I was so disappointed when I graded your test, Y/n,” she stood up from her chair and walked around to the other side of the desk where you were, “But the fact is that you failed. I can’t just give you a second chance. It’s unfair to the other students who work just as hard as you.” Her words hurt you to your core. You let your favorite teacher down and now she was disappointed in you.
“Please, professor! I’ll do anything! I want to make you proud again.” You pleaded, desperately needing her approval. She stepped closer to you, standing in front of you now. She tilted your chin up with her fingers, making you look at her.
“Anything, huh?”
“Y-yes…” She smirked again, looking into your eyes and noticing the desperation in them. She could see how much you needed her approval, it was like you were addicted to it.
“I think there’s a way you can make it up to me…”
“Tell me…please?” You leaned further into her touch. She chuckled at your eagerness, running her thumb across your lower lip as she looked down at you.
“It’s going to be quite the task, darling. Are you sure you can handle it?”
“Anything just- please? I’ll be a good girl.” You almost sobbed. She shushed you, pulling you closer by your chin.
“Oh, sweetheart. You’re already such a good girl. So eager to please…I can’t wait to see how well you can do this for me.” She pressed her lips against yours and you let her. You let her take control and so as she pleased.
She explored every inch of your mouth and moved her hand to grip at the nape of your neck. She roughly pulled your head back with a grin plastered on her face. In one quick motion, she manhandled you to bend over her desk. A pathetic moan left your lips when she did so.
She chuckled darkly at the sound, enjoying the way you bent over for her. She pushed everything off her desk with one arm, making a loud thud as it all fell to the floor.
“You want to be a good girl for me don’t you?” you nodded your head, “Then you will take this punishment for me and if you do good, I will change your grade on your test, is that a deal?”
“D-deal.” She smirked and moved her hand from your neck to your back, gently running her hand down your spine. She then pulled your hips back, pressing them against her.
“Good girl…” She lifted the hem of the skirt you were wearing and admired the lacy purple panties you had chosen to wear. Her eyes darkened as she ran her fingers over the lace.
Sometimes, when you would start daydreaming in class while staring at her beauty, you noticed she would always wear something purple. You guessed it was her favorite color and therefore wore purple panties. Of course, you didn’t expect for things to turn out this way but good thing you did.
She was quite pleased with your choice. It was almost like you were a perfect little doll for her, a toy to play with and do as she pleased. She knew you would submit to her easily and it was going to be so much fun breaking you in.
“Look at you, already being a tease for me even before I’ve begun. You look so pretty in my color, honey.” You blushed at her compliment and gasped when she started sliding the fabric off until it reached your ankles, leaving you completely bare before her.
She ran her hands up your bare thighs and ass, her touch leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin. She admired the way your body reacted to her every touch, she loved how easily she could rile you up.
“I’m going to give you ten spankings and you’re going to take them like a good girl, right?”
“Yes, professor…” you whimpered. She hummed in approval, her hands still roaming your thighs. She leaned down and whispered in your ear, her breath hot against your skin.
“Stay nice and still for me. If you move too much, I’ll have to punish you even more. Understood?”
“Understood.” She smiled at your obedience and straightened up. She raised her hand and brought it down on your right cheek, leaving a red handprint behind.
“Count them for me, darling.”
“One…” She hummed again, satisfied with your response. She continued her onslaught of smacks, each one harder than the last. By the time she reached ten, your skin was red and sensitive, stinging from her touch. Tears had managed to escape your eyes and your breathing was ragged.
She rubbed her hands over your stinging cheeks, admiring her handiwork. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on your lower back, her lips gently brushing against your skin.
“You did so well, darling. You took your punishment so well for me…such a good girl.”
“T-thank you, professor…” you sniffled. She smiled against your skin, her hands still rubbing soothing circles into your flesh.
“You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. Maybe I should reward you…” You felt your own arousal pool down your thighs at the thought of what kind of reward she meant.
“A r-reward?” She chuckled as she noticed the way you were reacting, noticing the way you got wet at the mere thought of a reward.
“Mhm…you look like you really want one, honey.”
“P-please? I’ve been so good!”
“I know you have, sweetheart. You’ve been such a good little toy for me…” She hummed in agreement, her hands slowly moving from your ass to your folds, dipping her fingers in your wetness. You shuddered at her touch, moaning as she spread your juices all over your lips. She smirked at the sound of your moans, enjoying the way your body reacted to her every touch. She circled your clit with her thumb, teasing you as she spoke.
“Look at you, so desperate and needy. You really do want a reward, don’t you?”
“Yes! Yes, I need it!” She chuckled darkly, continuing to toy with your sensitive bundle of nerves as she spoke. She leaned closer to your ear, her voice a low whisper.
“Yeah? You need it? You need your professor to fuck you senseless?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Her smirk widened at your desperate pleas.
“Such a good girl…” She removed her hand from your cunt, bringing it up to your lips.
“Open your mouth.” You opened your mouth almost immediately, allowing her to slide her arousal coated fingers inside. She pushed her fingers into your mouth, her eyes darkening as she watched you suck on them.
“That’s it, pet. Taste yourself for me…” She pulled them out slowly, a string of saliva connecting them to your lips. She then roughly pulled your head back by your hair and crashed her lips against yours. You moaned shamelessly against her lips. She kissed you passionately, her tongue exploring every inch of your mouth again as she held you in place all while tasting you as well.
“You taste sweeter than I imagined.” That made you even wetter. The fact that she’d been thinking about you as much as you made you feel warm inside.
She could tell that you were getting even more turned on by her words, and she loved it. She knew just how to push your buttons and make you squirm for her. She pulled away from the kiss, a grin on her face as she looked at you with hungry eyes.
“You’re so responsive, darling. It’s adorable.” You gasped loudly when she slipped her fingers inside you without warning, thrusting them in and out without letting you adjust. She chuckled at your reaction, enjoying the way you gasped and moaned for her. She started to pump her fingers in and out of you at a fast pace, curling them against your g-spot with every thrust.
“Look at you, taking my fingers so well. You’re so tight, sweetheart…”
“Thank- thank you!” you stuttered out, overwhelmed with pleasure. She hummed in amusement, enjoying the way you were struggling to form coherent sentences.
“Such a polite little toy…I love how easily you unravel under me…”
“Only- fuck- only for you, professor!” She smiled, her fingers continuing to move inside you at a relentless pace. She leaned down and began kissing and biting your neck, leaving marks all over your skin.
“That’s right, only for me. You belong to me, don’t you, darling?”
“Yes! I belong to you!” You panted out. She let out a low growl against your neck, her possessive nature coming out.
“Good girl…now cum for me. Cum for your professor…” her mouth soon joined her finger, sucking mercilessly at your clit, sending you over the edge. You had to bite down on your hand to withhold the loud moan that almost left your lips as you came. Mostly everyone was gone but there were still janitors and such. You didn’t want to get caught.
She kept her mouth on you, helping you ride out your orgasm. She smirked against your skin, amused by your attempts to be quiet.
“Oh, pet…you’re trying so hard to be quiet, but I can see how much you’re struggling.”
“It felt so- so good…” you muttered, tiredly. She pulled her fingers out of you and licked them clean, looking at you with a satisfied expression.
“I know, hon. You did so well for me…” she reached down and pulled your panties back up. She gently patted your thigh once your panties were back in place, her eyes raking over your body with a possessive gleam.
“Now, let’s get you cleaned up. We can’t have you walking around with cum on your thighs, can we?”
“Mhmm…” you hummed, too fucked out to form real words. She chuckled and picked you up, carrying you bridal style towards the bathroom in her office.
“You’re adorable when you’re like this, all dazed and fucked out.” She placed you on the sink countertop and used a wet cloth to wipe down your inner thighs. She was gentle as she cleaned you up, making sure to remove any evidence of your encounter. She smirked as she looked at your face, noticing how you were still coming down from your high.
“There we go, all clean and presentable again.”
“Are you changing my test grade?” You asked shyly. She chuckled and shook her head, placing a finger under your chin and tilting your head up to look at her.
“Well, of course. We made a deal and you even got a reward out of it. Now, run along. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression.”
“Yes, ma’am.” you hopped off the counter and almost ran out of her office. Did that really just happen? Did you let your professor fuck you senseless? God, you were a mess.
She watched you leave, a satisfied smirk on her face. She chuckled to herself as she sat down at her desk, picking up a pen and grading papers as if nothing had happened.
“See you in class, pet.”
Taglist; @polaris-likethestar @wandasreallover @oh-no-bummer @phixiesworld @eliscannotdance @venomhimbo @aka-patsy @scoliobean @chlondykebar @marvelwomenarehot0 @mgruiz @daenerys713
#fanfic#smut#agatha harkness#x reader#agatha all along#request#agatha harkness x reader#agatha x reader#dark!agatha
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OC I'M ANSWERING FOR: Bitknock Bonesaw, Humblewood campaign setting
1. "I don't know how I got this/I don't know what this means." Every one of his little trinkets has a history; his life is encrypted in an unsolvable sequence of hollow clicking sounds. But he rarely lies for reasons other than safety... Some people would fear him, for what he's done. For whose feathery skin hangs from whose beaked skull he wears.
2. Not too freely. "Friend" is a label given only to people on the same moral level as him, who condemn the same people and love the same love. He does not want another chase, another "friend" to run away from like a convict, so a "friend" can only be someone who runs beside him... or someone who runs slower.
3. Most of the time, actually. He has no filter for them. If he truly wants to hide them, he will huddle in a tree alone with his giant wings obscuring his face, which could begin to wet the skin on his mask with tears. But apprehension, anger, joy? Those are even openly discussed. The only emotion he will hide is the effects of another's betrayal.
4. Play-fighting. He and the boys in his village would organize duels for the girls and younger fledglings to watch. He was always bigger, heavier, sharper— he could always win. But that wouldn't make much of a show, so he also picked up the skill of entertainment, specifically the art of being horrifying.
5. No, he cannot cry on command. He can, however, look sad like a fake-hurt puppy convincing its master to share her scraps. Usually with a similar endgame.
bro is a dog
6. He enjoys washing his own feathers with orange-pigmented rocks— a common habit in lammergeiers like him. He doubts anyone else would be interested. Sometimes he even finds a rock that makes it look like dried blood.
7. Most people he knows just call him "Bonesaw", which is a wonderfully badass thing to call out in a crowd. He has very good hearing; it always works. Some of his party members might someday refer to him as Bitknock; this would be a new and oddly pleasant experience for him.
8. He's never said it in his life, not even in knock-speak. All of his love is shown through his actions— his favors or his cries or his touch.
9. I would say gentle love, but in a very... confused and unrecognizable way. He's not totally sure how to show it or when to show it, so he will typically only show pure unbridled affection when it is shown to him first. Like if he is given a hug. As for recieving, he will never have a preference.
10. That the skull rings he knocks together to communicate and digs in the ground to mark his territory or sign a letter? They can play music too!! They sound like spooky skeletal castanets.
11. They'd ask him to play his music or use knock-speak. His specific style takes months, even years to learn, and a doppelganger only springing into existence that day might not know a single song or sentence.
12. He doesn't laugh at things he finds funny— the closest he might get to laughter is joyful squeaks whilst play-fighting. That's how you know he really likes a fight, or really likes you. He'll just be calling.
13. Bitknock doesn't smile. He doesn't fake it, either.
14. A sharp exhale is typically enough to do it. A small fire on the ground might be put out with a slam of his fist.
15. While in combat, he's twitchy and silent, showing no emotion and striking fear into the enemy. In a large group by the fire he's much more talkative. Alone, he's inquisitive or deep in thought, but silent nonetheless. Alone with someone else, he's either killing them or gently, kindly holding their hand.
16. People with a strong, unshakeable sense of morality. Or justice.
17. Most others first notice his unusual size for a Raptor, or his gigantic spiky wings, or his nightmarish, unreal disposition. In the mirror, he notices his eyes glowing under the mask.
18. Her name is Thimphina Muku La Kivi. She's a socially inept nomadic owl girl with a secret lurking under her humble tree-torn cloak. They know each other through their travels <3
19. Be silently angry, maybe grumble and literally push them back if they try to interact with him. No way is he dealing with this right now. If he's gonna talk about how he's feeling he's doing it when HE chooses to so fuck all that noise forever
20. He doesn't know anybody like that. Yet.
will add to this later
@wearethesensum IMPORTANT if you want Ambrose to make a good impression
WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS
What’s the lie your character says most often?
How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?
How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?
What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?
Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?
What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?
What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?
How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?
Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?
What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?
If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?
What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!
When do they fake a smile? How often?
How do they put out a candle?
What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?
What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?
What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?
Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?
What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?
Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?
What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?
What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?
What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?
Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?
What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?
How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?
What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?
What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?
How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?
When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?
When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?
If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?
How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?
How do they greet someone they like / love?
What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?
Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?
What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?
What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?
Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?
How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?
What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?
If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?
What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?
What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?
What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?
Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?
Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?
Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?
Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?
What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?
What’s a phrase they say a lot?
Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?
Who would / do they believe without question?
What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?
What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?
If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?
What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?
How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?
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pulling your face close, wanting the inmost
synopsis: its been three years since minjeong left y/n waiting at the altar. throughout it all, jimin comes along.
w/c: 4.5k+
warnings: angst, blood (you’re a doctor), fluff. winter x you x karina
a/n: do you think my sleepless nights will make me insane? be honest. also meant to be really short but got carried away
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the train rattled as it sped through the early seoul morning, its harsh fluorescent lights bouncing off the windows and flickering faintly above you; hunched in the corner, staring blankly at the window; your scrubs noticeably wrinkled from the rushed way you’d thrown them on.
the person in the reflection was unrecognisable: hollow cheeks and dark circles etched like shadows beneath tired eyes — you were gaunt, tired; a reminder that the polished version of yourself, the one that used to smile, laugh and plan for a future, was long gone.
it screeched to a halt, jerking you out of whatever trance you were just in. as everyone else stood from their seats, you grabbed your bag and sighed; the weight of the day ahead pressing down on your shoulders.
your fingers tapped absently on your thigh as it slowed down, the doors automatically sliding open and you filed out with the rest of the crowd while keeping your head low.
the walk to the hospital from here wasn’t far, but you stopped at the station exit, digging a cigarette from your pocket. just one. it wasn’t a habit you were proud of, but it helped, even if only for a moment.
your hands trembled as you lit it and the first drag stung your lungs in a way that briefly drowned out everything else.
the memories clawed their way in anyway.
three years. it had been three years since minjeong walked out of your life without a word. she didn’t show up on the day that was supposed to mark your forever. no note. no call.
nothing but an empty altar and the stares of everyone you’d gathered to celebrate a love that, you’d come to realise, wasn’t as mutual as you believed.
it wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened.
mingyu came back into the picture. you had seen the rumours floating around online weeks before the wedding, fans gushing over how they spotted him and minjeong leaving the same restaurant; smiling like they used to in the good old days.
you asked her about it once, casually, your voice steady even though your heart raced. “did you see mingyu recently?”
she’d looked at you then, her expression unreadable, and shrugged. “it was just a friendly dinner. nothing to worry about.”
and like the fool you were, you believed her.
you exhaled sharply, watching the smoke curl into the crisp morning air. the morning rush of people already blurring into nothingness.
another day. another shift. another chance to bury yourself in the monotony of work. shaking your head, you snuffed the cigarette under your heel and started walking.
asan medical center loomed ahead, its sterile walls a familiar cage. work was your only escape now. it was ironic, really — the same place where you met her, where your love story began, was now the place you buried yourself to forget her.
by the time you arrived, you instantly slipped into your usual routine: quiet, focused and distant. the staff knew you as a good doctor — reliable, efficient and calm under pressure, but they also knew you as someone impossible to get close to.
“morning y/n,” jiwoo greeted as she walked into the staff room, her tone overly chipper. she was one of the few residents who still tried to engage with you, even though your responses were always curt.
“morning,” you mumbled, not bothering to look up as you stirred a spoonful of sugar into your coffee.
“how was your day off?”
“fine,” you said shortly. “just stayed home.”
she frowned. “you should go out sometime. have fun. meet people.”
“i’m fine,” you shook your head, taking a sip of the still bitter liquid. “i love my dog’s company.”
she hesitated, clearly wanting to say more, but eventually gave up as her shoulders slouched. “let me know if you ever want to hang out sometime, yeah? perhaps, you can even bring rome around.”
you nodded, not really hearing her. the truth was, you didn’t want to talk. not to her, not to anyone. talking meant opening up, and opening up meant risking another heartbreak. you couldn’t do it again.
three years ago, you would’ve been a different person — someone who laughed easily, loved deeply and believed in forever.
today, you were someone who stood in front of a room full of people, trying to find an explanation through tears because the woman you loved had run away. the embarrassment of that day still clung to you, a weight you couldn’t shake. there was nothing you could do except apologise to everyone — your parents, her parents, the guests.
but mostly, you apologised to yourself, for believing that you were enough for her.
it hit you the hardest that night, when you were alone in your flat, still dressed in your wedding suit that had taken you weeks to pick out.
the silence was deafening then, and for the first time, you realised she never loved you the way you loved her.
you didn’t hate her. you wanted to — god, you wanted to hate her. but you couldn’t. she was still the same woman who once made you laugh until your stomach hurt, who would drag you out of the rain just to kiss; the person who knew you the most.
she was still the love of your life.
and that was the cruelest part of it all.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the day was dragging in the way only hospital shifts could. fluorescent lights buzzed faintly overhead and the faint scent of antiseptic lingered in the air, clinging to your scrubs. your shoulders were tight, weighed down by exhaustion and the kind of hollow loneliness you’ve since stopped trying to fight.
you were scanning through patient charts at the nurses’ station when you heard her voice — bright and teasing, cutting like sunlight through thick curtains.
“there she is,” she called out as she strode towards you, a paper bag in one hand and a bottle of iced coffee in the other.
you groaned inwardly; not another one.
jimin was the last person you wanted to see. her presence was like a splash of colour in a grey world, drawing the attention of everyone around her.
“what are you doing here?” you asked, your tone more clipped than you intended.
she ignored the edge in your voice, plopping the bag onto the desk in front of you. “bringing you lunch, obviously. you’ve been skipping meals, haven’t you?”
“i’m fine,” you replied, already turning back to the chart in your hands.
“you’re always ‘fine,’” she said, rolling her eyes. “and yet you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“what do you want from me?” you groaned, exhaling heavily as you closed the charts and began your stride towards the staff room.
it was easier to deal with her alone than be surrounded by people gossiping: what is minjeong’s best friend doing with her ex-fiancée?
“checking on you, obviously,” she said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “also, you skipped lunch again. so…” she quickened her pace behind you. “rina brought reinforcements.”
you sighed, glancing at her briefly. her dark hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and she was dressed casually in a hoodie and jeans.
for someone constantly in the public eye, she had a way of blending in when she wanted to.
“i didn’t ask for reinforcements,” you muttered, opening the door for her. “and i don’t need checking on daily.”
“clearly,” she replied, sarcasm lacing her tone as she looked up at you. “because you’re the picture of health and happiness.”
you shook your head. “you’re so…ugh, just something else.”
she opened the bag on the table, the smell immediately greeting your starved senses. “that’s why i brought food because if i left it up to you, you’d just keep surviving on coffee and whatever snacks you find lying around.”
you didn’t answer. you knew she meant well. jimin was one of the few people who hadn’t given up on you, even after you’d pushed her away countless times.
she started visiting you a year after the wedding-that-wasn’t, showing up with coffee, proper meals or just her company. you didn’t know why she bothered and you weren’t sure you wanted to.
“it’s your favourite,” she added, sliding the box towards you. “spicy pork and rice. come on, don’t make me waste a good meal.”
the smell of the food wafted up to you as you hesitated. it had been hours since you’d eaten and your stomach growled in betrayal. reluctantly, you grabbed the chopsticks and opened the container.
“there we go,” she said with a grin, settling into the chair across from you as she opened her own container; tonkatsu.
“you’re persistent,” you told her, taking a bite.
“someone has to be,” she replied, her voice softer now.
for a while, the only sound between you was the quiet clink of chopsticks against the container as you both ate in solitude. but jimin wasn’t the kind of person to let silence linger for long.
“how long are you planning to keep this up?” she asked suddenly as she threw her container into the bag, breaking the silence.
“keep what up?” you replied without looking at her, focusing instead on stabbing at a piece of pork with your chopsticks.
“this,” she said, gesturing vaguely at you. “the whole ‘lone wolf who doesn’t need anyone’ thing. it’s getting old.”
you sighed, not bothering to look up. “why do you care?”
“because i do,” she said simply, her tone infuriatingly casual.
you rolled your eyes, setting your chopsticks down with a little more force than necessary. “rina, we barely know each other these days. why do you bother to check in on me almost everyday?”
“i don’t know,” her grin faded, replaced by something more serious. “you were minjeong’s everything. and, for what it’s worth, she was my best friend. so maybe i care because i know what it’s like to be left behind by her too. or maybe, i simply just care about you.”
the words hit you harder than you expected. you looked up at her for the first time, caught off guard by the raw honesty in her voice.
“she left you too,” you said quietly, more a statement than a question.
she nodded, leaning back in her chair. “she was my anchor, you know? and then, one day, she was just…gone. no explanation, no goodbye. sound familiar?”
you swallowed hard, the ache in your chest growing sharper. “yeah, it does.”
for a moment, neither of you spoke, the silence between you heavy with unspoken grief and the strange sense of kinship that came with it.
after awhile, jimin cleared her throat, the light teasing tone slipping back into her voice as she watched you clean up. “so,” she began, “how’s rome? still the world’s most dramatic sausage dog?”
your chopsticks paused mid-air. rome. yours and minjeong’s dachshund. or just your sausage dog now, since she’d left. he’d been one of the few things that kept you going after she disappeared, a small source of comfort in a world that felt unbearably empty.
you blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. “he’s fine,” you said cautiously, not quite ready to let your guard down.
she raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “just ‘fine’? come on, y/n. give me something.”
you sighed, leaning back in your chair. “he’s good. healthy. still hates the postman.”
“classic rome,” she said, laughing softly. “does he still steal your socks?”
“every chance he gets,” you admitted, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “he buried one of my favourite pairs in the garden last week. i didn’t even know he could dig that deep.”
“a true criminal mastermind,” she laughed. “i miss him.”
you tilted your head, studying her for a moment. “i don’t think he hasn’t forgotten you.”
her smile faltered slightly, her gaze dropping to the table. “good, i’d like to bother him sometime.”
you nodded, not pushing further. the silence that followed wasn’t as heavy as before, but it still carried the weight of everything unsaid.
“i have to go back to work soon,” you muttered slowly. “thanks for bringing me lunch, again.”
she leaned forward once more, resting her elbows on the table. “you know, you’re a lot nicer when you talk about rome.”
“am i?” you said dryly, raising an eyebrow.
“yeah,” she chuckled, grinning. “maybe you should bring him to work. he could be a therapy dog or something.”
“not sure the hospital would appreciate that,” you replied, shaking your head.
“probably not,” she agreed. “you talk about him more than you talk about yourself.”
“what’s there to talk about?” you asked, avoiding her gaze.
“a lot,” she said simply. “but you won’t let anyone in long enough to find out.”
“maybe because there’s nothing worth finding out,” you shot back, your tone sharper than you intended.
she didn’t flinch, didn’t look away. “i don’t really believe that. i know you.”
you opened your mouth to argue, but the words caught in your throat because a small part of you, buried beneath the layers of grief and anger and self-imposed isolation, wanted to believe she was right.
“you don’t have to do this, you know,” you said finally, your voice quieter now. “come here. check on me. it’s…unnecessary.”
“it’s not about necessity — it’s about wanting to. and i want to, y/n. because whether you believe it or not, you matter to me,” then, as if the idea had just occurred to her, she added, “you know what you should do? come to dinner with us tonight. aeri is hosting dinner at her place. yizhuo will be there too and they’d love to see you.”
“i don’t know…i’m not really built for —“
“they miss you,” she cut you off gently. “we all do. you don’t have to stay long. just come, have some food, catch up. it doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
you frowned, your fingers fidgeting with the edge of your lunch container. “i’m not great at…socialising these days.”
“that’s fine,” she reassured, her voice soft. “just come as you are. no one’s expecting anything from you.”
you hesitated, torn between the comfort of your solitude and the faint pull of connection her words stirred in you. “i’ll think about it,” you said finally, though the words felt like an excuse.
for a moment, you let yourself wonder what it would be like to let her in, to let someone care about you again. but the fear of losing her — of losing anyone — was too much.
“don’t just think about it,” she said, standing up and grabbing her things. “you’re coming. i’ll pick you up after your shift. and don’t even think about bailing.”
“rina —”
“i mean it, y/n,” she cut you off with a grin that somehow felt more like a challenge. “we’ll eat at aeri’s. it’ll be fun. you might even smile. who knows?”
you shook your head, but the faintest hint of a smile tugged at your lips as you watched her walk away. she paused at the door, turning back to look at you.
“and bring pictures of rome,” she added. “aeri and yizhuo will want to see how much of a menace he’s become.”
you didn’t respond, but you nodded, the warmth of her persistence lingering even after she was gone. as you returned to your rounds, you caught yourself thinking about her smile, her persistence, her refusal to give up on you.
you hated how it made you feel. hated the tiny flicker of warmth it sparked in a heart you had sworn to keep cold.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the shift had been surprisingly uneventful. for once, you weren’t racing from one emergency to the next and the patients you saw were mostly routine cases; check-ups, minor injuries, nothing life-threatening. as the hours dragged on, you found yourself in a slightly better mood than usual, a rare occurrence these days.
the thought of dinner at aeri’s later still felt strange, but not as daunting as it had earlier. perhaps it was the conversation with jimin, or maybe you were just too tired to keep holding up the walls you’d built around yourself.
jiwoo, ever persistent in her cheerful attempts to connect with you, caught up with you as you clocked out. “you seemed a bit more relaxed today,” she said, her tone light but teasing. “you’re not scaring off the patients as much.”
you smirked faintly, shaking your head. “glad to know i’m improving.”
as the two of you stepped outside, the cool evening air hit your face. you pulled out your nearly empty cigarette box, shaking one out with practised ease. the box crinkled, reminding you that you’d bought it only yesterday. you lit up, the flame from your lighter flickering briefly before catching.
she wrinkled her nose. “you really should quit, you know.”
“yeah, yeah,” you muttered, exhaling smoke into the air. “everyone’s a critic.”
she folded her arms, watching you for a moment before changing the subject. “so…karina from aespa really just brings you lunch sometimes? i feel like you’re pulling my leg.”
you chuckled softly, the sound surprising both of you. “it’s true. we know each other from my…better days.”
she tilted her head, curiosity written all over her face. “what does that mean?”
you hesitated, taking another drag from your cigarette. “we were friends. through minjeong.”
her eyes widened slightly, but she didn’t press further. she’d been around long enough to know your ex was a subject best avoided. instead, she smiled softly. “must be nice to have someone like that still looking out for you.”
“it is,” you admitted quietly, unintentionally exhaling curls of smoke towards her direction. “sorry.”
she chuckled, shaking her head. “it’s okay — and you seem really bright around her, you know? i think she brings out the best in you.”
you hummed, nodding as you stubbed the cigarette under your shoe. “she’s just a friend; nothing more.”
minjeong and jimin. two names you hadn’t expected to be tied together so tightly in your mind. yet, lately, it was impossible not to think of one without the other.
minjeong had been everything to you once. she was the love you thought would last forever, the one you trusted with all of yourself. and even though she had shattered you, you still couldn’t bring yourself to hate her. there was a part of you that would always respect what you shared, even if it ended so painfully.
and then there was jimin. minjeong’s best friend. the one who had been there long before you entered the picture. the one who probably knew minjeong better than anyone else.
it felt…strange, wrong even, to start seeing jimin in a way that might be more than friendship. you respected her too much — her persistence, her kindness, the way she stayed by your side when no one else could reach you. she wasn’t just some comforting presence in your life; she was someone you admired deeply.
before jiwoo could say anything else, a sleek black car pulled up to the kerb. jimin leaned out of the driver’s side window, her signature grin lighting up her face. “well, well. look who’s socialising.”
her jaw practically dropped. “oh my god, it really is her.”
jimin waved casually. “hey, jiwoo, right? need a lift? there’s plenty of room.”
jiwoo blushed furiously, waving her hands. “oh, no, no. my boyfriend’s coming to pick me up. but thanks.”
“suit yourself,” she said, winking playfully before turning her attention to you. “you ready?”
you nodded, giving jiwoo a small wave before slipping into the passenger seat. the car smelled like leather and a faint hint of vanilla, a stark contrast to the cigarette smoke still clinging to your scrubs.
“you reek of cigarettes, you know,” she pointed out as she pulled out onto the road, her tone more teasing than scolding. “how many have you had today?”
you shrugged, leaning your head against the window. “i don’t count.”
“you should. your lungs aren’t invincible, doctor,” she quipped, glancing at you briefly before focusing back on the road.
you smirked faintly. “and you’re suddenly a health expert?”
“no,” she admitted, grinning. “but i care about you not hacking up a lung in ten years.”
the corners of your mouth twitched, the warmth of her concern nudging at the edges of your guarded heart. you changed the subject, gesturing at the car’s pristine interior. “nice car.”
“of course it’s nice,” she replied, flashing a proud smile. “you think i’d settle for anything less?”
you chuckled softly, shaking your head. “why do you think i catch the train, then?”
she glanced at you, curious. “i always wondered about that. you can afford a car. why put yourself through that misery?”
you hesitated, your fingers fidgeting with the strap of your bag. “because…i don’t know. it makes me feel better. seeing a million other miserable people in the train. reminds me i’m not the only one stuck in this mess.”
jimin didn’t respond immediately, her grip on the wheel tightening slightly. when she finally spoke, her voice was soft. “you’re not as miserable as you think, y/n.”
you huffed a small laugh, not entirely believing her but appreciating the sentiment. “sure.”
the silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable, just reflective. it was jimin who broke it. “do you need to stop anywhere before we head to aeri’s?”
you hesitated for a moment before nodding. “can we stop at my apartment? i need to feed rome and shower. i smell like the hospital.”
“of course,” she said, her tone brightening. “you know, i don’t mind. i’m just happy to hear more than two words out of you.”
you rolled your eyes but couldn’t fight the faint smile tugging at your lips. “don’t get used to it.”
“too late,” she quipped, her grin widening as she turned the car towards your apartment.
the rest of the ride to your place was quiet, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. you found yourself glancing at her more than you intended, the soft light highlighting the gentle curve of her jaw, the way her hair fell just so around her face. she was undeniably beautiful.
it wasn’t something you hadn’t noticed before —jimin had always been striking, but sitting this close to her, the air between you filled with the faint scent of her perfume, it felt different.
more intimate.
your gaze lingered on her profile, tracing the slope of her nose, the soft pink of her lips, the way her expression relaxed whenever the traffic eased. the thought crept into your mind unbidden, catching you off guard: she’s really beautiful.
the streets blurred past, but your mind was elsewhere, swirling with a mixture of confusion and guilt. it felt wrong to think about her like that when she was minjeong’s best friend.
it was complicated enough having her in your life so prominently now. you couldn’t add feelings to the mix.
“what’s wrong?” jimin’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, her tone light but tinged with curiosity.
you turned to see her glancing at you briefly before returning her focus to the road. her question made your heart race slightly and you felt heat creeping up your neck.
“nothing,” you said quickly, your voice betraying your awkwardness.
she smirked, clearly unconvinced. “you’ve been quiet. and you keep looking at me. what’s going on in that head of yours?”
you swallowed hard, your palms suddenly feeling clammy. you debated brushing it off, but the words slipped out before you could stop them. “you…you just look nice today, that’s all.”
the silence that followed was deafening. her grip on the steering wheel faltered slightly and her cheeks flushed a soft pink, lips parting as if she was going to say something, but she quickly pressed them together, biting back a grin.
“shut up,” she said finally, her voice quieter than usual, but the blush on her face betrayed her.
you felt your own cheeks burn, suddenly hyper-aware of how close the two of you were in the small car.
“i was just saying,” you mumbled, your fingers fidgeting with the strap of your bag.
“yeah, well, don’t,” she shot back, though her tone was more playful than serious.
the tension between you was palpable, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. it was something else entirely, something neither of you was ready to name.
the car rolled to a stop just outside your apartment building, its headlights briefly illuminating the cracked pavement. you unbuckled your seatbelt, glancing up at the familiar, worn façade of the place you’d called home for years. it looked the same, but somehow it always felt emptier every time you came back.
“hey,” jimin began, her voice breaking through your thoughts. “can i please see rome? just for a minute. aeri and yizhuo will be so jealous.”
you frowned, your hand pausing on the door handle. “my apartment’s a mess. i haven’t had anyone over in a long time.”
“i don’t care,” she said easily, her grin unfaltering. “you should see the state of mine. you’d think i was filming a disaster documentary.”
you sighed, knowing she wouldn’t let it go. “fine. but don’t say i didn’t warn you.”
she flashed a triumphant smile. “deal.”
in the elevator, you found yourself uncharacteristically aware of her presence. it wasn’t just that she was your ex-fiancée’s ex-best friend — it was the fact that, even after everything, jimin was still here, still trying to pull you out of the dark pit you had thrown yourself into.
you shifted awkwardly, your hand trembling slightly at your side. the metal walls of the elevator seemed to amplify your unease. without a word, she reached over and gently squeezed your hand. her grip was steady, grounding, and for a brief moment, you allowed yourself to hold on.
“it’s okay,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
you didn’t respond, but her touch was enough to steady you.
as soon as you unlocked the door, the sound of tiny paws skittering across the hardwood floor filled the air. rome came bounding towards you, his tail wagging so hard it looked like it might fall off.
“romie,” you said, your voice softening for the first time all day. you crouched down to pet him, his fur warm and familiar against your hand.
jimin let out an audible gasp. “oh my god. he’s even cuter than i remember.” she immediately dropped her bag and scooped him up, cradling him like a baby. “hi, buddy. remember me?”
he licked her face enthusiastically, his little legs wriggling in her arms. you couldn’t help but smile at the sight, even as you stood up and rubbed the back of your neck.
“make yourself at home,” you said, gesturing vaguely at the apartment. “i’m going to get ready.”
she nodded, her attention fully on rome. “take your time. we’re going to have a bonding moment.”
as you disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of running water began to echo faintly, muffled by the door you’d closed behind you. she sat on the edge of your sofa with rome, her eyes wandering around your apartment.
the place was cleaner than she expected — it wasn’t messy, but it felt bare. the walls were stripped of personality and there wasn’t a single photo or decoration to suggest that anyone else had once shared this space with you. it was a stark contrast to the way she remembered it years ago, when minjeong had still been part of your life.
now, it was as if you had erased every trace of her.
her gaze drifted to the kitchen counter, where an open bottle of whiskey sat next to a half-empty glass. there were other bottles too, some empty, others half-finished, lined up neatly on the sideboard. her chest tightened at the sight, and she had to swallow the sudden lump in her throat.
all she wanted to do was love you. all of you. the person you were now, the person you had been before, even the parts that you were trying to bury under layers of pain and grief.
jimin leaned back against the sofa, letting out a soft sigh as her thoughts turned inward. it should feel wrong, this pull she felt toward you. you were minjeong’s ex-fiancée. she had been your everything once. she had seen it firsthand — the way the two of you fit together, the quiet understanding in your shared glances; your love seemed unshakable.
and yet, here she was, sitting in your apartment, waiting for you while you showered, her heart heavy with feelings she couldn’t push away.
she didn’t know when it had started. this shift in how she saw you. maybe it was that day at the hospital, months ago. she’d been visiting aeri and yizhuo and wanted to bring you lunch when she passed by the paediatrics ward and caught sight of you comforting a young boy.
he had been crying, terrified of getting his vaccinations and you’d knelt down to his level, your voice soft and reassuring.
“it’s okay,” you reassured in a gentle tone, holding out your hand for him to squeeze. “you’re so brave. and once it’s over, you’ll get a cool sticker. how about that?”
the boy had stopped crying long enough to nod and you smiled at him — wide, genuine and full of warmth. it had been the first time she had seen you smile like that in years.
all it took was that one moment.
she had tried to suppress her feelings after that. tried to remind herself of the boundaries she needed to keep but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop thinking about you.
she had gone on dates, tried seeing other people, hoping it would dull the ache but none of them made her feel the way you did.
no one else mattered. it was maddening as it was terrifying, but it was also undeniable.
jimin ran a hand through her hair, her fingers brushing against the back of her neck as she let out another sigh. aeri and yizhuo didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with how she felt.
“i don’t really see the problem,” aeri had said bluntly one night over dinner, shrugging as she picked her rice. “minjeong packed up and left her old life behind. what’s the problem?”
“you’re not stealing anyone’s woman,” yizhuo chimed in with a smirk, earning a glare from jimin.
“it’s not that simple,” jimin argued, though their words had lingered.
now, sitting here in your apartment, surrounded by the quiet evidence of your pain, she felt the full weight of her feelings.
she wasn’t just drawn to you — she was in love with you. completely, overwhelmingly in love.
the water shut off and the apartment grew silent. she straightened slightly, her heart pounding as she heard you moving around in the bathroom. she didn’t know if she could ever say it out loud, but in this moment, she didn’t need to.
“he likes you,” you said as you stepped out, nodding towards rome, who was now curled up in her lap, his eyes half-closed in contentment.
“what’s not to like?” she replied, scratching behind his ears. “he’s a smart dog. clearly knows quality people when he sees them.”
“right, of course,” you gave a faint smile, leaning against the doorframe. “ready to go?”
“yeah,” she said, reluctantly setting rome down. she grabbed her bag and followed you to the door, glancing back once at the apartment before stepping out.
as you rode down in the elevator, the silence between you was comfortable this time. she didn’t say anything about the empty walls or the whiskey, but when she handed you her car keys so you could unlock the door for her, her fingers brushed against yours and the gesture spoke louder than any words could.
…this shouldn’t be happening.
when the doors slid open to the ground floor, jimin spun her keys around her finger, her expression bright with mischief. she tossed them towards you without warning, the metal jingling as they flew through the air.
“you’re driving,” she declared, slipping into the passenger seat before you could argue.
you caught the keys instinctively, furrowing your brow. “why?”
“because,” she said, already buckling her seatbelt, “i want to test your driving skills. it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
you gave her an unimpressed look, holding the keys loosely in your hand. “you just want to be a passenger princess.”
she gasped theatrically, clutching at her chest like you just insulted her deepest values. “how dare you. i am not a passenger princess.”
“sure,” you said, shaking your head as you got into the driver’s seat. “whatever you say.”
jimin smirked, leaning back into the seat with a smug expression. “prove me wrong then. show me you can still handle a car like the pro you are.”
you rolled your eyes but started the car anyway, the familiar hum of the engine filling the space between you. as you adjusted the mirrors and pulled out onto the street, you couldn’t help the faint smile tugging at your lips.
for the first time in a while, the banter felt easy, even enjoyable.
but then, without thinking, the words slipped out.
“minjeong used to do that,” you muttered softly, almost to yourself. “she would always make me drive so she could either pick the music or nap.”
the air in the car shifted instantly, the lightness replaced by something heavier. you stiffened, gripping the steering wheel tightly as you realised what you said. your eyes stayed firmly on the road, the silence between you now deafening.
she didn’t speak right away and for a moment, you wished the earth would just swallow you whole.
then, she broke the silence, her voice softer, more careful. “you know…it’s okay to talk about her, i don’t mind.”
you blinked, your knuckles whitening on the steering wheel. “is it?” you said flatly, though there was no anger in your tone, just weariness.
“yeah,” she replied turning slightly to face you. “it’s okay to acknowledge that she existed. that you loved her even though she hurt you, pretending she didn’t matter isn’t going to help you move on.”
you swallowed hard, throat tightening. the logical part of you knew she was right, but the emotional part; the one that still felt raw and exposed whenever minjeong’s name came up wasn’t ready to admit it.
so you said nothing, the silence stretching uncomfortably again.
after a minute of beating around the bush, jimin sighed softly, her voice tinged with regret. “sorry. i didn’t mean to push. i just —”
“it’s fine,” you interrupted, surprising even yourself with the quiet sincerity in your voice. you glanced at her briefly, a small, genuine smile crossing your face. “really.”
she relaxed visibly, her shoulders dropping as the tension eased. “okay,” she said, her own smile returning, though it was softer this time.
as you drove, jimin’s own thoughts began to spiral. hearing you talk about minjeong felt like a punch to the gut, but she couldn’t blame you. she was your first love, the one who had taken up all the space in your heart before it was broken.
how could she even try to compete with that?
she knew there was a part of you that might never stop loving minjeong, no matter how much time passed.
she glanced at you again, catching the way your shoulders had relaxed slightly, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at your lips.
it doesn’t matter how long it takes, she thought to herself. i’ll wait. for as long as it takes, i’ll wait for her.
when you pulled up to aeri’s apartment building, jimin hopped out of the car, clearly energised. she waited for you to join her, rocking on her heels as you locked the car behind you.
“ready for the chaos?” she asked, flashing a grin.
“as ready as i’ll ever be,” you muttered, following her into the lift as you took the luxurious sight in. “god, she’s expensive as ever, isn’t she?”
she chuckled, tapping your arm lightly. “don’t say anything about it or else you’re going to start a fight.”
the elevator doors slid shut with a soft hum, the quiet clink of the mechanisms filling the small space. you stood beside her, your hand clutching the strap of your bag as your stomach twisted with nerves.
it had been years since you had last been to aeri’s apartment, and now, as the numbers on the elevator panel lit up one by one, the memories began flooding back.
everything felt heavier in your chest — the last time you were here, everything was different. you hadn’t seen those girls properly in so long and the thought of walking into a space that had once felt so familiar left you uneasy.
jimin, standing close to you, noticed the slight tremour in your hand. without a word, she reached over and gently squeezed it once more, her fingers warm and firm against yours.
“you’re okay,” she said softly, her voice steady. “it’s just aeri and yizhuo. they’re gonna be so happy to see you.”
you nodded but didn’t say anything, focusing instead on the way her hand steadied your own. as the elevator neared the top floor, she started to pull away, her fingers slipping from yours.
but you held on, tightening your grip instinctively. “can you —” you started, your voice barely above a whisper. “just for a bit longer.”
she didn’t say anything, but her fingers curled back around yours, holding on tightly. the two of you stood like that in silence, the elevator’s hum filling the space; it felt like the calm before a storm you weren’t sure you could weather alone.
the elevator dinged and you stepped into the hallway with jimin by your side. your hand was still holding hers from earlier, though you hadn’t realised it until she glanced down briefly, her fingers tightening just a little before she let go.
“sorry,” you awkwardly mumbled, blood rushing to your cheeks.
“don’t be.”
the warmth lingered even as you adjusted the strap of your bag and followed her toward aeri’s door; it opened before you could even knock.
“y/n!” aeri’s voice was the first thing you heard, loud and filled with surprise and excitement. “no way, it’s really you!”
you barely had time to blink before she lunged forward, throwing her arms around your neck and dragging you into a tight hug. before you could respond, a second body crashed into you from the side — yizhuo, her laughter echoing through the hallway.
“oh my gosh, she’s actually here,” yizhuo said, her grin wide as she squeezed you tightly. “rina, what the hell did you do to her? hypnosis? bribery? a chloroform rag?”
“definitely drugged her bubble tea,” aeri chimed in, her face still buried in your shoulder. “there’s no way y/n came here willingly.”
“guys, get off me!” you laughed, trying to push them away, but your voice lacked any real force. their energy was infectious, and though part of you wanted to retreat, a bigger part…one you hadn’t felt in years just wanted to stay in this moment.
“nope,” yizhuo groaned, holding on even tighter. “you don’t get to vanish for two years and show up out of nowhere like nothing happened. you’re gonna deal with this. this being us smothering you with love.”
“you should be grateful,” aeri added with a smirk, finally pulling back just enough to look at you. “this is premium-grade affection. we don’t just give this to anyone.”
jimin stood to the side, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, her smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “i didn’t drug her, by the way,” she said casually, her voice dripping with mock indignation. “she came because she missed you guys. obviously.”
“liar,” yizhuo shot back, narrowing her eyes. “there’s no way y/n came willingly. what’s your secret, jimin? blackmail? compromising photos?”
“it was the bubble tea,” jimin said, straight-faced. “i spiked it with nostalgia.”
“sounds like you put something stronger than nostalgia in there,” aeri quipped, her grin widening.
you rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. “you guys are ridiculous.”
“you missed us,” yizhuo said smugly, finally releasing you from her grip. “admit it.”
“maybe,” you muttered, smoothing down your shirt. “a little.”
aeri gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. “a little? i’m hurt. offended, even.”
jimin stepped forward, pulling out her phone. “hold still,” she said, her grin mischievous. “this is a historic moment.”
“don’t you dare,” you warned, your voice rising in mock panic as she aimed the camera at the three of you.
the flash went off before you could stop her, capturing a candid shot of aeri still clinging to your side, yizhuo laughing uncontrollably and you mid-protest with a faint smile tugging at your lips.
“perfect,” jimin said, already typing away as she uploaded the photo to her story. “caption: my three idiots.”
“three?” aeri asked, raising an eyebrow. “don’t you mean two idiots and one innocent victim?”
“you’re definitely the biggest idiot here,” yizhuo smirked at her. “but it’s okay. we still love you.”
“barely,” jimin quipped, her tone teasing as she slid her phone back into her pocket.
the apartment buzzed with laughter and conversation as the four of you settled in for dinner. the table was covered in food — aeri’s version of cooking: ramen, pizza boxes, bowls of chips and a bottle of wine that she had insisted on opening way before dinner.
“so,” aeri began, leaning forward with her elbows on the table. “doctor, what have you been up to? saving lives? breaking hearts? fighting crime?”
“you act like i’ve been doing something exciting,” you shook your head as you picked at your pizza. “it’s just been work. and more work.”
“classic y/n,” yizhuo threw her hands up dramatically. “always married to the job.”
“it’s a demanding spouse,” you joked, surprising yourself at how easily the humour came.
“does it at least make you breakfast in bed?” aeri teased, wagging her eyebrows.
“nope,” you replied, smirking. “just gives me migraines.”
“sounds toxic,” jimin said, her voice light. “you should break up with it.”
“and do what?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “become a full-time boba taster?”
“not a bad idea,” yizhuo chimed in, taking another bite of her slice. “you’d have jimin’s full support.”
aeri shrugged. “or you could just be her housewife. she’s a millionaire, you know?”
you dared to steal a glance, expecting jimin to brush off their teasing, but instead, she was looking right at you. her gaze was steady, her lips tugged into the faintest smile.
the way she looked at you sent your heart racing and you quickly looked away, focusing on the slice of pizza in your hand as if it held all the answers in the universe.
as the night went on, you found yourself relaxing more, your initial nervousness melting away under the warmth of their banter. but then your eyes wandered to the wall across the room, where a cluster of framed photos hung.
they were all of aespa — smiling, performing, and posing together in various moments that captured their bond. your gaze caught one in particular: minjeong standing between aeri and yizhuo, her face frozen in time among her friends.
the memories threatened to creep in, but before they could overwhelm you, you felt jimin’s gaze on you. you glanced over and she was already smiling softly, her expression reassuring. it was enough to steady you, to remind you that it was okay to feel what you felt.
“we haven’t done much since minjeong left,” aeri’s voice cut through the comfortable buzz of the room.
“yeah,” yizhuo added, swirling her wine glass. “we’ve released a few singles here and there, but it’s not the same. we’re not really aespa without her.”
jimin nodded, her expression thoughtful. “it’s been different,” she admitted. “but we’re figuring it out.”
“figuring it out,” yizhuo repeated, snorting. “aka, doing nothing but lazing around and ordering takeout.”
aeri grinned. “we’ve perfected the art of slacking, we should win awards for it.”
their banter was light and the laughter genuine. it pulled you back into the moment. for the first time in what felt like forever, you found yourself laughing along with them — really laughing.
as the night wore on, the chaos around the table began to settle into a comfortable rhythm. the laughter quieted and the conversation took on a more relaxed, intimate tone. the pizza boxes were mostly empty and aeri poured another glass of wine for herself and yizhuo, both of them visibly enjoying the rare moment of everyone being together.
with your bag slung over your shoulder, jimin stood by the door while aeri and yizhuo hugged you tightly.
“you know,” aeri began, leaning back. “it’s really nice to have you here, y/n. we’ve missed you.”
“like, really missed you,” yizhuo said, her tone serious for once. “i mean, i know life’s been…a lot. but you don’t have to disappear on us, you know? we’re always here for you.”
the words hung in the air, their sincerity hitting you harder than you expected. you stared at the table for a moment, your fingers idly tracing the edge of your glass.
“i know,” you said quietly, your voice softer than usual. “and i’m sorry. for shutting you guys out. it wasn’t fair. i was more embarrassed —“
“it’s not about fair,” aeri interjected gently, setting her glass down. “we just don’t want to lose you again. you’re important to us, y/n. even if you’ve got your walls up, we’ll keep knocking.”
“and by knocking, she means barging in,” yizhuo added with a grin, earning a laugh from both you and jimin.
“i mean it, though,” she continued, her tone earnest. “we’re here for you. anytime.”
jimin glanced at you, her eyes soft, but she didn’t say anything. she didn’t need to — the look she gave you was enough.
you nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. “thanks, i…i missed you guys too. i’ll see you guys next weekend?”
“of course,” yizhuo smiled, kissing your cheek goodbye. “rome better be prepared for aeri’s annoying ass.”
aeri rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “stop talking, ning, y/n has to go!”
“yeah, right, forgot you guys were unemployed,” you rubbed the back of your head with a laugh as you turned and began to walk with jimin. “see you both soon.”
the walk back to jimin’s car was quiet, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the apartment. you shoved your hands into your pockets, your footsteps echoing lightly on the pavement. she walked beside you, her shoulder close enough to brush against yours occasionally.
“you okay?” she asked after a moment, glancing at you.
you nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. “yeah, i had a good time.”
“good,” she said simply, her own smile soft and genuine.
you hesitated, your gaze fixed on the ground as you spoke. “i didn’t realise how much i missed them. being with them…it felt normal. like…like things weren’t so heavy for a while.”
she nodded, her pace slowing slightly. “that’s the thing about aeri and yizhuo. they’re chaotic as fuck, but they have this way of making you forget about the rest of the world.”
“they do,” you agreed, your smile widening just a fraction. “i think i needed that.”
she stopped walking and turned to face you, her hands slipping into her coat pockets. “you don’t have to wait two years to do it again, you know. they meant it when they said they’re here for you. and so did i.”
you met her gaze, the sincerity in her eyes making your chest tighten. “i know. and…thanks, rina. for everything.”
she shrugged lightly, though the faint blush creeping up her neck betrayed her. “you don’t have to thank me. i just want you to be okay.”
“i think…i’m getting there,” you admitted, your voice soft. “slowly.”
she smiled, her expression a mix of relief and something else you couldn’t quite name. “that’s all that matters.”
as the two of you reached the car, you hesitated again, the words forming on your lips before you could stop them. “jimin?”
“yeah?” she asked, pausing as she unlocked the doors.
you took a deep breath, forcing yourself to meet her gaze. “thank you. for not giving up on me. and…for reminding me that it’s okay to let people in.”
her smile softened, and she reached out to squeeze your arm briefly. “i never would. i’m just glad you’re here.”
you nodded, climbing into the passenger seat as she started the car. as she drove, the hum of the engine and the faint city lights passing by felt less daunting than they usually did. for the first time in a long time, you felt like you weren’t alone. and perhaps, you didn’t have to be.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the train rocked gently as it made its way through seoul’s early morning haze. you sat in your usual spot by the window, absently watching the buildings blur together. for once, you didn’t look like you had just rolled out of bed and barely made it to the station; your scrubs were tidy, hair tied back neatly and there was even a faint sheen of moisturiser on your face — a small but deliberate effort to feel a little more presentable.
it wasn’t much, but it was something. after that dinner with the remaining members of aespa, you found yourself thinking…about how much you had isolated yourself and how it might not be the worst thing in the world to try again.
to exist around people who cared.
your phone buzzed in your pocket, pulling you from your thoughts. you hesitated before pulling it out, already knowing who it would be.
-
from: jimin - aespa
do you still like purple taro bubble tea or has your taste in drinks gotten worse too?
sent 7:50 AM
-
you sighed, the faintest of smiles tugging at your lips despite yourself. she had a way of making her presence known, whether you wanted it or not. since dinner at aeri’s, she had been texting you more often, showing up at the hospital and generally refusing to let you retreat back into your solitude.
you stared at the message for a long moment, the smile fading as doubt crept in.
why was she doing this? why did she care? she was an idol, a successful one at that, with a million other things she could be doing.
the thought made your chest tighten. you typed a response, your fingers moving quickly.
to: jimin - aespa
yes, but you should do better things with your time than hanging out at the hospital with me.
sent 7:51 AM
you hesitated for a moment, wondering if you were being too harsh, but the thought of her spending so much effort on you — it felt undeserved. and it scared you. you hit send and immediately turned your phone off, tucking it back into your pocket.
the train ride passed in a blur, the rhythmic clatter of the wheels luring you into a daze. when you stepped off at your station, the morning chill greeted you, sharp against your skin. you pulled your coat tighter around yourself, your hand instinctively reaching into your pocket for your cigarette box. the box was light — too light — but you fished out a cigarette and lit it, the flame flickering in the breeze.
you took a long drag, letting the smoke fill your lungs before exhaling slowly. it didn’t help much, never did, but it gave you something to do, something to focus on. your thoughts, as they often did, drifted to minjeong. her face, her voice, the way she used to call you at the hospital just to complain about how exhausting her day was.
but lately, your thoughts had started to wander elsewhere, too. to jimin. her relentless persistence, her easy smiles and just the way she had managed to slip into your life without you even realising. you hated how much space she was starting to take up in your head.
it felt…complicated. and you didn’t do complicated anymore.
as you walked, cigarette still in hand, your gaze caught on a small coffee shop just opening for the morning. the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted out, the barista flipping the “open” sign to face the street. you stopped in your tracks, hesitating before stepping inside.
the shop was warm, the faint whir of an espresso machine filling the air. you approached the counter, glancing at the menu even though you already knew what you wanted.
“can i get a caramel latte?” you asked, your voice soft but steady. after a pause, you added: “actually, make that two. one iced, one hot.”
the barista nodded, tapping your order into the register. you waited by the counter, the warmth of the shop a sharp contrast to the cool morning outside.
when the drinks were ready, you grabbed the cups and stepped back out onto the street, beginning your trek towards the hospital, the steam from the hot latte curling into the chilly air.
you didn’t usually do this — go out of your way for someone else. but jiwoo had been kind to you for nearly a year now, always trying to engage, smiling even when you brushed her off. maybe it was time to start giving something back, even if just a little.
when you walked into the hospital, the familiar buzz of activity greeted you. you spotted jiwoo at the nurses’ station, her head bent over a stack of charts.
you approached her quietly, holding out the iced caramel latte. “here.”
she looked up, her eyes widening in surprise. “what’s this?”
“thought you’d like one,” you replied, shrugging.
she stared at you for a moment before breaking into a wide grin. “wow, y/n. are you feeling okay? did you hit your head?”
you rolled your eyes, but there was a faint smile on your lips. “don’t get used to it.”
she laughed, taking the drink. “thank you. seriously. this is…really sweet of you.”
you nodded, already turning to leave. “see you later.”
“karina’s a good influence isn’t she?” she raised an eyebrow, teasing tone audible. you flipped her off, a faint blush creeping up your cheeks.
right.
the rest of the day passed in a haze of patient charts and routine procedures. you kept your phone off, avoiding the temptation to check for a reply from jimin but as the hours wore on, you found yourself thinking about her text more and more.
despite your earlier message, you couldn’t shake the image of her showing up at the hospital later, bubble tea in hand, her grin as smug as ever.
you hated how much the thought warmed you. but you didn’t push it away either. maybe you were starting to feel okay with someone caring again.
the faint hum of fluorescent lights filled the space as you flipped through a patient’s chart. it was a rare quiet in your often chaotic schedule these past few days, one that allowed you a moment to breathe and reset before the next inevitable call.
signing off on an order, you heaved out a sigh as you reached out for your pen. then, an older nurse came barrelling towards you — panting.
“doctor y/n!” she called, her tone sharp enough to cut through the calm.
you straightened immediately, the chart forgotten. “what is it?”
“we’ve got a trauma case in the OR,” she said, her words rushing out in a panicked stream. “male, thirty-one, massive internal bleeding from a car accident. he’s critical. there’s no other trauma surgeon on call.”
you froze for half a second, the weight of her words sinking in. the situation wasn’t unusual; emergencies happened all the time, but when she added the final detail, your stomach twisted painfully.
“he was on his way to his wedding,” she said, her voice cracking slightly.
the words hit you like
“prep the OR,” you said firmly, already moving. “i’ll be on my way.”
the words hit you like a truck, but you didn’t let it show. you pushed the memories down, shoving them into the mental box you had built for moments like this.
there was no time to think, no time to feel.
the operating room was a blur of activity when you arrived, the team already scrubbing in and preparing the patient. you quickly donned yours, hands moving with practised precision even as your mind raced.
the man on the table looked young, too young to be fighting for his life. his face was pale, his breathing shallow and the monitors surrounding him beeped erratically.
“what’s his status?” you asked, your voice calm despite the chaos around you.
“male, 31, car accident on the way to his wedding. chest trauma, ruptured spleen, internal bleeding, fractured ribs — we tried contacting other trauma surgeons, but you’re the only one available.”
you clenched your jaw, nodding as you pulled on your gloves. there was no room for hesitation now, no room for your own feelings to surface. the situation was painfully familiar, too close to home, but you buried it deep. your only focus was the man on the table, his life hanging by a thread.
you nodded, stepping into position. “scalpel.”
the surgery was gruelling. time seemed to blur as you worked, every second stretching into an eternity. the damage was extensive — a ruptured spleen, lacerations to the liver and fractures to his ribs that had caused additional complications. you moved methodically, your hands steady even as sweat trickled down your temple.
“suction,” you said, your voice steady despite the pressure.
the nurse complied and you continued, carefully navigating the delicate web of organs and tissues.
“laceration to the liver,” you muttered, leaning closer. “clamp here. we need to stop this before we lose him.”
time blurred as you worked, every movement calculated, every decision critical. the fractures in his ribs had caused additional internal damage, complicating an already precarious situation.
“keep the suction steady,” you said, glancing at the anaesthesiologist. “how’s he holding up?”
“stable for now,” came the reply, though the tension in the room didn’t ease.
the hours dragged on, your focus unwavering even as exhaustion began to creep in. piece by piece, you repaired the damage.
finally, after what felt like an eternity, the monitors began to steady. “his vitals are improving,” one of the nurses announced, relief evident in her voice.
“he’s going to make it,” you stepped back, your hands trembling slightly as you removed the gloves.
the team around you exhaled collectively, and a few murmured congratulations filled the room. but you didn’t feel triumphant — just drained.
you barely made it outside before pulling out a cigarette, your hands still shaking from the adrenaline. the first drag burned your throat, but the sting was grounding, pulling you back into yourself.
leaning against the hospital’s garden wall, you stared blankly at the stick in your hand.
the man’s story, on his way to his wedding, was too close to home. it dug up memories you’d spent years trying to bury.
the cigarette fell from your hand as the first sob escaped your lips, your shoulders trembling under the weight of three years’ worth of suppressed grief — fingers curling into fists, nails digging into your palms as your breath hitched.
the memories came in waves, unrelenting. you’d spent three years holding it all back: every ounce of heartbreak, every pang of humiliation, every question that would never be answered.
but tonight, the dam finally broke.
you thought about the way you stood there, waiting, believing with everything in you that she would show up. the way you smiled nervously at your parents, at hers, then to the guests who had all gathered to celebrate something that wasn’t real anymore.
the embarrassment, the pitying glances, the murmured apologies you had given when it wasn’t your fault — it all came rushing back, every detail sharper than it had been in years.
the door to the garden creaked open behind you, and you stiffened, trying to choke back the sounds of your crying. you didn’t want anyone to see you like this but the footsteps were soft, familiar and you knew who it was before you even looked up.
jimin.
she approached slowly, her shoes crunching lightly on the gravel. she didn’t say anything at first, just stopped a few feet away, her presence warm and steady. you didn’t look up nor acknowledged her, but you didn’t have to. she came closer, lowering herself to sit beside you on the bench.
at first, she didn’t touch you. she gave you space, her hands resting in her lap as she watched you silently. but when your sobs grew louder, your shoulders trembling uncontrollably, she shifted closer, wrapping an arm around you.
she had seen you leave the hospital, your steps hurried and your shoulders hunched as if you were carrying something too heavy for anyone to bear. she had followed, keeping her distance, not wanting to intrude but unable to let you be alone in whatever you were carrying.
“it’s okay,” she said softly, her voice steady and grounding. “let it out. i’m here.”
she’d never seen you like this. not even on that day three years ago. back then, you held yourself together, a picture of forced composure that betrayed none of what you were feeling.
you leaned into her without thinking, her warmth a comfort you hadn’t realised you needed. she wrapped her arms around you as the tears kept coming, her presence anchouring you in a way that words couldn’t.
she held you tightly, one hand rubbing slow, soothing circles on your back, the other resting against your head. she didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop you. she just let you fall apart.
it felt like hours passed before your sobs began to subside, your breathing slowing into uneven gasps. you pulled back slightly, wiping at your face with trembling hands.
you didn’t dare look at her, too ashamed of your outburst.
“why do you do this?” you finally said, your voice hoarse and broken.
jimin frowned, tilting her head. “do what?”
“this,” you said, gesturing weakly between the two of you. “why do you keep doing all these nice things for me? why do you care so much?”
her expression softened, but before she could answer, you kept going, your voice rising with frustration — not at her, but at yourself.
“i’m…fucking look at me, i’m damaged goods, jimin. she left me for a reason and that’s because i wasn’t enough for her. and if i wasn’t enough for her, how the hell could i ever be enough for you?”
she opened her mouth to speak, but you pressed on, the words pouring out of you like a dam had broken.
“you should be with someone who has their shit together, someone who isn’t this broken mess. i don’t need fixing and i sure as hell don’t want fixing. i’m not your project, jimin. i don’t deserve this. i don’t deserve you.”
the silence that followed felt deafening. your chest heaved, the weight of your own words leaving you feeling exposed and raw. you kept your eyes on the ground, unable to face her.
then, slowly, she reached out, fingers brushing against your cheek and cupped your face in her hands, her touch gentle but firm. she tilted your head up, forcing you to meet her gaze. her eyes were glassy, tears brimming at the edges but her expression was steady.
“y/n,” her soft voice was shaking slightly but full of conviction. “you don’t get to decide what i feel. and you don’t get to tell me what you deserve because i’ve already decided what you deserve. and that’s everything.
you blinked, stunned into silence as she continued.
“i love you,” she said, the words slipping out with a raw honesty that made your chest tighten. “i love you. not because you’re perfect, not because you’re some project i want to fix. i love you because you’re you.”
her thumbs brushed away the tears on your cheeks, her voice breaking as she went on. “you’re messy. you’re stubborn. you push people away because you’re scared, and you think it’s easier to be alone. but you’re also kind and strong and you care so much that it hurts you. and i love all of it. all of you.”
your breath hitched, your heart pounding as her words settled over you. “jimin, i —”
“no,” she interrupted gently, shaking her head. “let me finish. i know you don’t believe me right now. i know you don’t feel like you’re enough. but you are. to me, you are.”
her voice cracked again as she took a deep breath to steady herself. “and even if you can’t see it yet, i’ll wait. i’ll wait as long as it takes for you to realise that you are enough. that you’ve always been enough.”
tears blurred your vision again, but this time, they weren’t from sadness. you stared at her, unable to find the words, the weight of her confession leaving you breathless.
“jimin,” you finally whispered, your voice trembling. “i don’t know if i can —”
“you don’t have to,” she said softly, her hands still cradling your face. “not right now. not until you’re ready. but just…let me stay. let me be here for you. that’s all i’m asking.”
you nodded, the smallest of movements, but it was enough. she pulled you into her arms again, holding you tightly as your tears began to fall once more…not from grief, but from the overwhelming relief of not being alone anymore.
perhaps you didn’t have to carry everything on your own anymore.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the tiny apartment in lisbon was quiet, save for the distant sound of street vendors calling out to evening crowds.
minjeong sat cross-legged on the worn wooden floor, her back leaning against the peeling wall. the room was sparse; just a bed, a suitcase, and a second-hand lamp casting a dim glow. this was her life now, moving from one place to the next, never staying long enough to plant roots.
it had been three years since she left.
three years of running, of trying to escape the shadow of the person she used to be. it hadn’t worked. no matter where she went, the memories followed her, clinging to her like smoke.
she thought back to the day she ran away with mingyu. she still didn’t understand why she had done it. it felt like rebellion; breaking free from the cage of her life. he had offered her a way out, a chance to escape the constant grind of fame, the suffocating expectations of being winter of aespa. in her desperation, she’d taken it without thinking.
it had been a mistake — the worst one of her life.
two weeks. that was all it took for everything to fall apart. he wasn’t the solution to her problems; he was just another lost soul trying to fill his own emptiness. they argued constantly, their personalities clashing until every word between them felt like a fight.
the final straw had been a shouting match in a dingy motel room somewhere in melbourne. she packed her bag that night and walked away, leaving him without a goodbye.
but leaving him didn’t fix anything. the damage was already done.
minjeong had spent the next three years living like a ghost, drifting from one country to another, working odd jobs to make ends meet. she cleaned houses in barcelona, waited tables in florence and even worked as a gardener in interlaken. she learned to enjoy the simplicity of it all — the routine of making her own meals, the anonymity of blending into crowds.
for the first time in her life, she wasn’t winter; the idol. she was just minjeong, a girl trying to figure out who she was.
the solitude changed her. she learned to live without the luxury she took for granted, without the constant validation of fans or the adoration of the public. it was hard, but it forced her to confront herself, to look at the mess she had made and start picking up the pieces.
but no matter how much she grew, no matter how much she tried to move on, there was one thing she couldn’t escape: you.
you had been the best thing that ever happened to her. she didn’t deserve you, not then and certainly not now. but you had loved her anyway, in a way that no one else ever had.
when the pressure of fame had weighed her down, when she felt like she was suffocating under the expectations of the world, you had been her lifeline.
she thought about the nights you stayed up with her, holding her close when the world felt too big. she remembered the way you would look at her, like she was more than the perfect image she tried so hard to maintain.
you saw her; the messy, flawed, human version of her…and you loved her anyway.
you had saved her when she was drowning. and how did she repay you? by leaving. by walking away on your wedding day, the day she should have promised herself to you forever.
she thought she was sparing you the burden of her brokenness, but all she did was break you too.
she thought about aespa too. they had been her sisters. she had abandoned them without a word, leaving them to pick up the pieces of her absence. she often found herself scrolling through their social media profiles, her heart aching at the sight of aeri and yizhuo laughing together or jimin’s rare selfies.
but it was jimin’s posts that hurt the most.
jimin had been her best friend, the one who knew her better than anyone else. now, her life seemed to revolve around you. her posts were filled with snapshots of dinners, quiet moments and candid photos of you that made minjeong’s chest tighten.
you were still beautiful, even more so than she remembered. but there was something different about you now — an air of weariness and guardedness that hadn’t been there before.
she knew she was responsible for that, and it tore her apart.
the breaking point came one quiet afternoon. she was scrolling through her phone, her thumb idly swiping through posts, when an article caught her eye.
“aespa’s karina opens up about her romantic life: ‘we’re taking things slow, but it’s happening.’”
her breath hitched as she clicked the link, her heart pounding. the article detailed jimin’s recent interview, where she had spoken openly about someone she’d been seeing.
“i’ve been spending a lot of time with someone who means a lot to me,” she had said. “we’re working our way through things in a romantic setting, but very slowly. there’s a lot of healing involved for both of us. but…i’m happy. she’s worth it.”
the accompanying photo was of jimin and you, leaving a restaurant together. her hand rested lightly on your back, her expression soft, almost protective. you looked relaxed, even happy, but there was still a shadow of something unreadable in your eyes.
minjeong stared at the photo for a long time, her chest tight. jimin’s words echoed in her mind: “she’s worth it.”
she closed her phone and sat in silence, her hands trembling. the reality of what she lost hit her all at once — not just you, but the life you could have had together.
and now, jimin was stepping into the space she had abandoned.
that night, she booked a plane ticket to seoul.
it wasn’t a decision made lightly, but she couldn’t stay away any longer.
she needed to apologise; to you, her family, to everyone she had hurt. she didn’t know if you would forgive her, but she had to try.
no matter how much time had passed, one thing remained true: you were her soulmate. and she wasn’t ready to give up on you, not yet.
“minjeong?”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
the end.
#Spotify#kpop x reader#kpop gg#aespa x reader#aespa imagines#karina imagines#karina x reader#karina#winter x reader#winter imagines#kpop imagines#minjeong x reader#jimin x reader
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★ ︵ @ nanami / reader , dēgrādatīon , smūt , mentions of sexual harassment , using your safe word
nanami loves being a little rough w you, a little condescending. he loves to see tears collecting on your lash line just so he can kiss them away and hold you close. he knows that you enjoy this dynamic too, that you enjoy being treated like this. you've said so multiple times.
but sometimes he can go overboard.
like this time, where kento has you in a mean mating press, your legs on his shoulder shaking as he thrusts deeper into you, you can feel him all the way up to your throat — so full of him. you feel like your cervix might bruise the way he pulls back and pushes in, a single thrust knocking the wind out of you.
"k-kento! s'too much—" you sob, mind far gone, "—please, just a mo-ment!" you whine, pulling him close and muffling your cries on his shoulder.
he doesn't stop, his cock filling you up with an unforgiving pace. you already had cum on his fingers once and you could feel your second orgasm of the night approaching.
"fuck! just take it—" he grunts, groaning in your ear, "that's all you are good for yeah? fuck, don't you dare cum right now, filthy slut—"
your eyes widen, even though you usually wouldn't be surprised. you loved it when he talked to you like this.
something about being catcalled on your way to work and then being hit on by your manager made his words seem real.
it made you feel like, you truly were only good for this.
"k-kento?" you say, nails digging deep into his muscles, "—i can't!" you are barely able to complete your sentence when his thumb begins to play with your clit, broken moans bouncing off the walls.
"shut the fuck up and take it like the whore you are —" he moans as he pushes in deeper than possible.
"kento! stop... red! no more—" you yell out finally, tears spilling out of your pretty eyes, your hands tapping thrice on his shoulder.
it takes nanami a moment to register what was going on, and he almost immediately pulls out. he looks at you, eyes confused but affectionate.
"my sweet girl... i am so so sorry" he whispers, "what's wrong baby? was that t' much?" he sits on the bed and pulls you onto his lap, peppering soft kisses on your face.
he sees you struggling to answer and immediately silences you with a kiss.
"you don't need to answer, my love. take your time baby, let's get you cleaned up now." he carries you to the shower and holds you as he cleans you up.
"my girl's the prettiest, love you so much sweetheart." he says while he dries you with a soft towel, dressing you in your favourite tshirt of his.
he makes sure to kiss you everywhere, and tells you how much he loves you.
"sorry k-kento, just had a really bad day, i thought if you just treated me like usual, everything would be fine." his eyes mist over.
"oh...pretty, whenever you have a bad day, you need to tell me. that's what im here for, here for you." he leans over to kiss you softly, lips lingering.
"let's watch grey's while we eat some leftovers, and after that if you want, we can talk about your day."
you smile at him, knowing you lucked out with love when he held you again.
.
not so nice! nanami who tracks down the man who had cat called you with the help of his connections and makes sure he is never able to talk again.
not so nice! nanami who gets the HR immediately involved and gets that manager blacklisted so no one can hurt his pretty girl again.
#nanami kento smut#nanami kento x reader#nanami x you#nanami fluff#jjk nanami#jujutsu nanami#nanami smut#nanami kento#nanami x reader#jujutsu kaisen nanami#nanami x y/n#jjk x reader smut#jjk x you#jjk fanfic#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk smut#jjk#jujutsu kaisen
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As the adults struggle to find food and keep a roof over everyone’s heads, the children of northern Gaza also have their own struggles. Their mental health is in a horrible state.
I hesitated to talk about this. I don’t want people to think we have so many donations that we can afford to buy my sister toys. It’s not that we can afford it. It’s just that sometimes we have to skip a meal to buy something for her because the boredom is making her even more depressed. She has severe trauma, she has seen bombs dismember people, she has escaped multiple massacres with us. But now the other kids in the building keep breaking her toys while playing and we can't buy a new one immediately, because there are more urgent things. The cheapest thing in northern Gaza right now is makeup, because no one needs it, so I bought some. I apply it on myself and Soso to make her happy, but I don’t always have the energy or time to play with her. I’m exhausted, sick and malnourished, and I still have to do chores and spend hours at the market looking for the most affordable food, clothes, and hopefully medicine.
We have many expenses that we don’t talk about because people won’t see them as vital. Phone chargers (only used ones that die fast, because new ones are insanely expensive). A fee for the neighbors who have the internet router. Phone bills and data. Toys for the children. School books and private tutors for students.
You’re right, it wouldn’t be vital if the war had only lasted for a week. But it’s been more than a year. Our children’s mental health is destroyed, especially children as young as Soso who is only 4 years old and whose brain is developing in a genocide. Students can’t just stop studying for all this time. My other sister missed her entire last year of high school, but she wants to take university entrance exams. Dropping out of university because of the war has killed everything in me. I can’t let her experience the same kind of loss, so I pay for her books, for paper and printing, for private tutoring classes.
I had to buy three phone chargers in a month. The first one was $70. Days later, it was $100. Two days ago, a neighbor fried the second charger, and the new one was $200. I cried that day, because it wasn't even my fault. The prices of everything keep going up and I feel like I’m going insane. Even our landlord tried to increase the rent. It’s okay if I sacrifice meals. I’m used to hunger. But I have three younger siblings and I can’t watch them lose even more than they already have. I want them to study and play. I want them to eat and stay warm.
Please help me. When all of this is over, I’ll get my degree, find a good job, and I’ll never ask for anything again. But as long as the war keeps going, I need your help. I promise your donations don’t go to waste. Food and rent will always be the priority. Soso and my grandmother are the first beneficiaries. We always think carefully before buying anything. I hope we can reach the final goal soon, and that it will cover all expenses until the war ends, because I’m so tired of relying on strangers. I hate asking for money. I’m eternally grateful to anyone who helps, but the guilt won’t fade, because I wanted to be an independent girl and help my family myself. I'm exhausted and depressed.
My campaign is vetted! ✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #347 )✅️
Forgive me, you shared before and it helped a lot so I ask you to please share again @kerosene-saint @andnowanowl @omegasmileyface @4c-aperture @bahrmp3 @dhmiss55-blog @woodesnake @original-character-chaos @revalentinee @rapogirl13 @gorillawithautism @xerxestexastoast @kyoukainokanata @rabiesrabiesdog @rainyrebloggin @ok1237 @isummonedadragon @pro-pin-prinny @boxheadpaint @rukafais @butcklinkle @earlysunsetting @ceeberoni @strangeauthor @the–pony-box @blurrycow @nabulsi @90-ghost
#free gaza#gaza#gaza strip#all eyes on palestine#free palestine#gaza genocide#gazaunderattack#i stand with palestine#mutual aid#gofundme#help gaza#northern gaza#palestine aid#palestinian genocide#save palestine#gaza aid#fundraiser#child mental health#childhood trauma#children#childhood#original comic#web comic#comic art#digital art#artwork#mental health#mental heath support#mental heath awareness#artists on tumblr
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(Arcane Meta) The Staggering Timeline of the Hexgate Construction
The Hexgate timeline is insane, guys, it's actually insane.
So I'm writing a Jayvik fic set in the time skip between 1.03 and 1.04. Most people agree that time skip was about 6-7 years long.
During 1.04 "Progress Day" Jayce says "a few years ago", the Hexgates opened to the world. The year before, we learn from the Enforcer Caitlyn is talking to that Jayce launched a blimp "half way across the continent" which sounds like a demonstration of increased range for the Hexgates.
At some point, I would guess early in Jayce and Viktor's partnership, they also did the Distinguished Innovators competition where they needed to notch their own gears and, presumably, didn't have a lot of assistants or assistance. I only note this to point out that there was at least a year or so at the beginning where they weren't immediately thrust into limelight yet and they didn't have every resource available.
So just because Mel was buying into their vision on Day 1, doesn't mean the whole city had yet. They probably needed to prove an application for Hextech first before that happened and, likely, the Hexgates was what they came up with and that's the one all of Piltover bought in on.
So, mostly likely sometime in the first year or so, Jayce and Viktor had to provide a proof of concept for the Hexgates. Let's say for the sake of argument that by the first Progress Day of their partnership, they have one.
Progress Day / Year of Jayce and Viktor's partnership
(Let's go through the timeline)
Year 1 - Hexgate proof of concept developed and presented. Up to that point, Hextech exists and has Mel's support, but Jayce and Viktor still haven't proven themselves enough to get all the resources they'll need to build something like the Hexgates. The Distinguished Innovators competition takes place somewhere around this time. Maybe they presented the Hexgate proof of concept there (pure speculation on my part but you'll see why I think the first few years had to be laser focused on the Hexgates over anything else for any of this to make sense.)
Year 2 - Hexgates under development.
Year 3 - Hexgates under development.
Year 4 - Hexgates open to the world.
Year 5 - Hexgate distance capacity increased.
Year 6 - Events of Arcane
By the way, I say only one year to develop a prototype, it could have taken longer. But, the Progress Day post-time skip in 1.04 could be 7 years later. So all the approximations up there should be taken as "give or take a year".
Still, that means that within 3-4 years at most, Jayce and Viktor went from this proof of concept that Hextech is viable at all:
To this:
And can I say just as an archaeology nerd obsessed with stone crafting and material cultures, holy shit, do you have any idea how quickly they must have built the Hexgate tower to have it done in 2-3 years? The Empire State Building, which offers us a decent parallel for the technology available in the world of Arcane at this point, took a 1 year, 45 days, it was considered the fastest a skyscraper had ever been constructed at the time.
But the Hexgate tower is more than just a building, this thing goes all the way down into the bedrock, it is lined with Hex crystals. It has that giant globe on the top for pinpointing where to send the ship. It's not just a building, the entire thing is an engineering marvel. And it has to have been done in under 3 years to fit the most generous version of the timeline.
This would, realistically, require incredible buy-in by the entirety of Piltover society. We're talking multiple guilds vying for contracts, red tape being cut by the mile to secure the space, deep excavation beneath it, shipping to bring in materials, endless amounts of masons, metalworkers, and artisans. It's doubtful that Jayce and Viktor slept during those years. The sophistication we see within the Hexgates makes it even more mind-boggling.
Seriously, look at the base of this thing! This is the failsafe, it had to exist before they opened up the Hexgates to the world! It can't be an afterthought or a later addition!
And this Hex crystal-lined channel goes up for miles! (not literally but get my point) It needs sophisticated technicians to operate and switch out the cores!
Now, of course a Doylist explanation, the Hexgates are as sophisticated as they need to be and were built as quickly as they needed to be built in order to serve the plot, and Piltover is as technologically sophisticated as is needed for these to be built in the time required.
But, Watsonian, as someone who can't help but look at building materials and think about just how much time and effort it would take a society that looks vaguely 1880s-1920s (I would say the 1.04 Progress Day is deliberately invoking the Chicago World's Fair of 1893) it is utterly mind-boggling to me how much labor and materials and effort would have to go into building the Hexgates in a 2-3 year period. That's moon launch levels of an entire society mobilizing for one goal.
No wonder Jayce got framed as the Man of Progress, the entire city must have been working on or known someone who was working on making the Hexgates a reality in that time.
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Late wait
Pairing: idol!Lee Know × Gn!reader (established relationship)
Genre: fluff, domesticity, drabble
Request: Lee know with a "waiting for us" kinda vibe. Just being together in their own place with lots of domestic fluff. Dancing whenever, seeing movies whenever...
Warnings: mentions of food, Minho is an idol, the cats and the boys are here as well, reader and him live together
A/n: I simply love to write domestic moments | daily click
Minho finds it funny how the most beautiful things in life are always the simplest.
Coming from someone whose life is full of luxuries, he could understand why someone would be skeptical about his statement, but he couldn't be more truthful than that.
He already saw thousands of different people, dressed in fancy suits and drank expensive wine. The places he already went to were sometimes covered in gold, and if not, they'd have a red carpet and sculptures everywhere. He's not going to lie and say these things are bad, or that he despises them. On the contrary, actually. However, when you live a life of "too much", you learn how to appreciate what is simple.
His cats stepping on his face to wake him up. All the times he went somewhere random to camp. Seungmin's burnt barbecue and Felix' brownies. You. All the things that made his life easy.
As much as he loves all those things, maybe he should highlight you a little bit more. It's only fair, since you are the one who plays the major role in making him feel alive.
When Minho thinks about you, he thinks about how he loves to wake up early before some morning schedule and see how you're sleeping peacefully next to him. You always ask him to wake you up before he goes, but he never finds the strength in himself to disrupt your dreams. You have a whole collection of little notes he put next to the bed, apologising for not saying bye, but promising to bring food whenever he's back.
He also remembers dance nights. As he is a professional dancer and an idol, he thought he wouldn't want to move a single muscle the moment he gets home. However, whenever he comes home to you singing some random song on the radio, it's impossible to not hold your hand and start swaying according to the rhythm. You don't know how to dance. When he's with you, he suddenly forgets how to as well. In the end, it's just two fools in love, dancing how your heart tells you to.
Movie nights where none of you had luck picking what to watch, so you'd just sleep mid the boring show. Cooking homemade dinner and noticing you ran out of all the ingredients, so you have to run to the market. Visiting his parents every Sunday. Staying in the entire weekend with the cats because that's so much better than going out.
There are dozens of little moments like those that Minho could talk about. None of them was particularly special - they were all things that happened every day. Maybe that was the magic of it. Living was easy with those moments, with you.
Now he was coming back home. The day was full of different events. Tiring, extravagant, but nice. He was smiling. But now he only wanted to come home to you. He knew you were staying up late so you could welcome him and ask him how the day was. And as much as you've waited, he'd hug you with his entire being and never let go.
Masterlist | you'll probably like: kiss me (more)
Reminder this is just fiction!! I'm not trying to portray real life and you shouldn't believe that this is how the members actually are. This is just for the vibe and the delulu!
Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @dandelions-143 @sleepyleeji @jinnie-ret @sheraayasherrecs @rockstarkkami @urlocalmultigroupfan (those I couldn't tag are in bold)
Dividers by @adornedwithlight | images 1, 2 and 3
#celi drabbles#lee know fluff#lee know imagines#lee know fics#lee know headcanons#lee know scenarios#lee know drabbles#lee know x reader#lee know x you#lee know x y/n#lee know#lee minho#lino#stray kids fluff#stray kids drabbles#stray kids fic#stray kids x you#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#stray kids x y/n#stray kids#skz x reader#skz fluff#skz imagines#skz reactions#skz drabbles#skz soft hours#skz soft thoughts#skz#skz fic
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Steal Your Way To My Heart - N.R (Part 4)
P: Bankrobber! Ni-ki X Fem!Reader
Warnings: Murder, Violence, Blood, Angst, Kidnapping, Seperation Anxiety?, Ni-ki just wanna spoil you.
Synopsis: Your life was boring—until a visit to the bank changes everything. Now you find yourself under the attention of one of the criminals. Now what do you do when the criminal's attention isn't just on the job but on you?
a/n: okay, so by popular vote, i delivered :) this was supposed to be posted long time ago, but moms turkish drama kept distracting me and had some relationship issues >:(
part 1 part 2 part 3
--
So you were officially Ni-ki’s girlfriend. And things were... surprisingly good. After that heist, he seemed to tone things down. Gone were the days of reckless, dangerous heists; now, he was the boyfriend you never expected—someone who picked you up from work or school, bought you your favorite flowers, and took you out on regular dates, always paying for the bill without a second thought.
He was thoughtful, attentive, but still had that intensity about him that kept you on your toes. But it wasn’t all just normal date nights and sweet moments. Ni-ki had an eye for luxury, and he wasted no time in decking you out in designer clothes and diamonds. Most of it you didn’t really use—you only wore the pieces that you truly loved—but you had to admit, his taste was impeccable. He knew exactly what suited you.
And like him, you found yourself matching with him often. He’d buy you clothes from the same brands he adored—mainly Chrome Hearts—and soon enough, you both became a walking, matching advertisement for the brand, with your outfits perfectly coordinated. Every time you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t help but appreciate how well everything fit. The diamonds glittered just as much as the smile Ni-ki gave you when he saw you in them.
But you always took a moment to remind him that you weren’t with him for the money. It wasn’t the luxury or the endless pampering that had won your heart, although you couldn’t deny you enjoyed it. No, you loved Ni-ki for who he was.
“Ni-ki,” you would say, catching his gaze as you adjusted the diamond necklace he had given you, “I don’t need all this.” You gestured to the designer clothes and the jewelry. “I love everything you get me, even if its something simple.”
He would smile, a genuine smile that reached his eyes, and pull you into a gentle embrace. “I know,” he’d reply, his voice soft and warm. “But I still want to spoil you.”
And he did. Ni-ki was everything you could have wanted in a man and more. He was protective, attentive, and incredibly loving in his own way. He listened when you talked about your day, made sure you had everything you needed, and never hesitated to show you just how much you meant to him. His love was sometimes overwhelming, but always real.
So you were quite surprised when, out of nowhere, Ni-ki disappeared. It wasn’t even gradual—it was like he just had been erased from existence overnight.
Your calls didn’t go through. Every message you sent was met with silence. The usual places where you’d expect to find him were void of any sign of him.
It was as though he had vanished off the face of the earth.
At first, you tried not to panic. Maybe he was laying low, being cautious because of something related to his “work.” It wasn’t uncommon for him to disappear for a day or two without much explanation. But this… this was different. Days stretched into weeks, and there was no trace of him.
The house plants he bought you started to wilt. The flowers he’d shower you with dried out in their vases. Even the expensive gifts that once felt like tokens of his love now felt like hollow remnants of someone who wasn’t there.
You told yourself to stop worrying, to trust that Ni-ki would show up like he always did. But there was this gnawing feeling in your chest that something was wrong. The man who never let a single detail slip, who checked in even during the middle of a heist, wouldn’t just leave without a word.
It wasn’t just his absence that hurt—it was the questions it left behind.
Had something gone wrong? Was he in danger? Did he leave to protect you? Or… had he chosen to leave you behind?
You couldn’t decide which thought was worse.
And so, you found yourself in limbo, walking through your days like a shadow of yourself. Every time you heard a car engine roar or the faint buzz of your phone, your heart jumped, hoping it was him. But it never was. It was like living in a constant state of waiting, with no end in sight.
Because no matter how dangerous or reckless Ni-ki was, he had never made you feel like this before—like you were completely and utterly alone.
You didn’t know what to do. Who could you even ask? Ni-ki didn’t exactly have a list of friends you could call up, and even if he did, would they tell you the truth? Would they even know?
You couldn’t go anywhere either, since over time, Ni-ki had subtly embedded himself into your life. His toothbrush sat next to yours in the bathroom, his favorite snacks were still in the kitchen cupboards, and his scent still lingered on the hoodie he’d left draped over the back of your couch. Everything around you was a reminder of him, of how present he used to be—and now, of how completely absent he was.
You felt helpless. All you could do was wait. Wait for a sign, for any kind of clue that Ni-ki was okay. That your boyfriend would return. That he hadn’t just dropped everything, ghosted you, and fled to another country or something, leaving you to pick up the pieces of a life you’d built together.
And it wasn’t just his disappearance in your life that hit—it was the absence of him everywhere else, too.
There were no robberies, no heists, no headlines about criminals pulling off impossible jobs. Nothing.
Ni-ki’s world, the one you’d been reluctantly dragged into, seemed to vanish along with him. It was like he’d flipped a switch and erased himself completely, leaving no trace that he or his crew had ever existed.
And that terrified you.
Because if there were no heists, no rumors, and no movement in the underground world he thrived in… then what had happened to him?
You tried to keep yourself busy to stop your mind from spiraling. You went to work, cleaned the apartment, and even started wearing some of the designer clothes he’d bought for you—just so you wouldn’t see them lying untouched and feel that pang of loss all over again. But no matter how much you distracted yourself, the questions never left.
Where was he? Why had he disappeared? And most importantly—was he even still alive?
Each night, you’d sit on the edge of the bed you used to share, staring at your phone, willing it to buzz with a message from him. Just one word, one sign that he was out there, that he hadn’t forgotten about you.
But it never came.
And the silence, day after day, was slowly eating away at you.
Where could he have possibly gone?
You wondered that every single day. The question circled endlessly in your mind, eating away at you, consuming you whole. It kept you awake at night, staring at the ceiling as you tried to piece together a puzzle you didn’t have all the pieces for.
Had something gone wrong? Maybe the cops had finally caught up to him. Or worse, maybe a rival crew had taken him out.
Or—your heart clenched painfully at the thought—what if he had left on purpose?
You hated yourself for even entertaining the idea, but you couldn’t help it. Had all the promises, the whispered words, the moments he’d held you close meant nothing? You couldn’t shake the memory of how he used to look at you, like you were the only thing that mattered in his world. It didn’t make sense for him to just walk away from that.
But then again, Ni-ki wasn’t exactly a predictable man.
You found yourself retracing your memories of him over and over, looking for signs you might have missed. Had he said something that hinted he might leave? Had there been a change in his behavior that you hadn’t noticed at the time?
But nothing came up.
You thought about the last night you’d spent together, how normal it had been. He’d kissed you goodnight, murmured something about taking care of “a few things,” and promised he’d see you the next day.
But that day never came.
And now you were left with a hollow ache in your chest and a million unanswered questions.
You tried searching for him. You went to places you knew he frequented, even places he’d warned you never to go. You lingered near shady alleys, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone who might recognize you, who might know where Ni-ki was.
But every lead you tried came up empty. And no matter how much you told yourself to stop, to move on, you couldn’t. Because deep down, no matter how angry or hurt you were, you still loved him. And the thought of never seeing him again? That was something you couldn’t accept.
So since you couldn’t accept it, you decided to live with it.
He would return—eventually. He had to.
You clung to that belief, repeating it to yourself like a mantra. Ni-ki always had a way of showing up when you least expected it. He wasn’t the kind of man who just disappeared forever, not without a reason.
But until then, you had to keep going. Life didn’t pause for your heartbreak, no matter how much it felt like it should.
You went back to work, dragging yourself through each day. You tried to focus on the mundane things. It was easier to keep your mind occupied than to let yourself fall into the black hole of wondering why.
The apartment felt emptier than ever, though. His things were still there, little reminders of him scattered everywhere. His clothes in the closet, his jacket still hung by the door, and the scent of his cologne lingered faintly on the sheets.
You told yourself not to touch any of it, like leaving it all the way it was would somehow bring him back faster.
But the days kept going, and the silence became unbearable.
At night, you found yourself sitting by the window, staring out at the city lights, hoping that maybe you’d see him walking up the street. Or hear the familiar sound of his key turning in the lock.
But it never happened.
Instead, the city moved on without him, and you were left standing still, caught in the limbo of waiting.
And then, just when you started to think you might have to let go of the hope that had been keeping you afloat, something changed.
You were just outside, taking the trash out. It was ordinary, mundane, and the last thing you expected was for your life to take a sharp, terrifying turn.
As you tied up the trash bag and made your way toward the dumpster, you felt a presence behind you. Before you could turn around, something cold and hard pressed against the back of your head—a gun.
"Don't scream," a low voice ordered, calm but menacing.
Your breath hitched, your heart racing as fear overtook your body. You barely had a chance to process the situation before rough hands grabbed you, shoving a bag over your head.
“Hey!” you yelled, but your voice was cut off as you were manhandled, your arms pinned to your sides. You thrashed as much as you could, but whoever had you was strong—too strong.
"Keep still," the voice snapped as you were dragged across the pavement.
The sound of a car door opening made your stomach drop.
You screamed again, the sound muffled by the bag over your head, but it didn’t matter. You were shoved into the car with enough force to knock the wind out of you.
The door slammed shut, and you felt the vehicle lurch forward as it sped off.
“Where are you taking me!?” you demanded.
No one answered.
You could hear a few voices around you, low murmurs you couldn’t make out, and the hum of the engine. Your mind raced. Who were these people? What did they want? And why did this feel so… targeted?
You thought of Ni-ki.
Was this connected to him? Had his criminal past caught up to him, and now you were caught in the crossfire?
The car continued to speed through the streets, the sound of the city growing distant. You struggled against your restraints, trying to think of a way out, but the hands that had grabbed you earlier kept you pinned down.
Eventually, the car slowed, and you felt it come to a stop.
The door opened, and you were pulled out, still blindfolded and disoriented.
“Walk,” the voice commanded, pushing you forward.
Your legs wobbled, but you forced yourself to move, your heart pounding as you tried to make sense of your surroundings. You were led into a building—at least, you assumed so by the sound of a door creaking open and the change in the air.
“Sit,” the voice ordered, and you were shoved into a chair, the force making it scrape against the floor as you landed with a jolt.
Before you could even catch your breath, rough hands grabbed your arms and began tying them down to the chair.
“Wait, what are you doing? Let me go!” you shouted, panic flaring in your chest as you struggled against the bindings.
They ignored you, the rope burning against your wrists as they secured it tightly. You twisted and thrashed, managing to elbow one of them in the ribs. The man stumbled back with a grunt, and you seized the moment to push yourself off the chair.
The ropes weren’t fully secure yet, and with an adrenaline-fueled burst of strength, you ripped free and yanked the bag off your head.
The sight before you made your blood run cold.
They weren’t Ni-ki’s people.
No, these were strangers, all wearing clown masks—grotesque, painted grins leering at you as they stood in a loose circle, armed with weapons.
Your breathing hitched as you stumbled back, trying to put as much distance between yourself and them as possible.
One of them stepped forward, clearly the leader, his mask more elaborate than the others with smeared red paint around the mouth and black streaks over the eyes. He held a knife in one hand, the blade catching the dim light.
He tilted his head, gesturing for you to come closer.
You froze, your mind racing. Did he really think you would just… walk to him voluntarily?
Disgust churned in your stomach at the audacity, and your body stiffened as the reality of your situation fully sank in.
“No,” you said, your voice trembling but defiant.
The man tilted his head further, almost amused, and took another step forward. The other masked figures began to shift, closing in around you like vultures circling prey.
Your pulse roared in your ears, but you clenched your fists, refusing to show fear.
“I said no,” you repeated, louder this time, your voice steady even as your legs threatened to give out beneath you.
The leader stopped, his head tilting back slightly as if to examine you. Then, without warning, he lunged.
Instinct took over, and you dodged to the side just in time, the blade narrowly missing you. Your shoulder hit the wall hard, but you didn’t stop moving. You darted for the door, desperate to escape, but two of the masked figures stepped in front of it, blocking your path.
A sharp laugh came from the leader as he straightened, pointing the knife at you.
"Feisty," he said, his voice muffled slightly by the mask. He tilted his head, almost as if studying you. Then, with a low chuckle, he added, “Now I see why Wolf likes you.”
You froze, your blood running cold at the mention of Ni-ki’s alias. Not many people knew of his real name—unless they were part of his trusted circle.
The leader noticed your reaction and laughed again, clearly pleased by your response. “Oh, that got your attention, didn’t it?” he mocked, twirling the knife between his fingers. “Yeah, I know all about your little boyfriend. Wolf this, Wolf that. Always so damn secretive, isn’t he?”
“What do you want?” you snapped, trying to keep your voice steady, though your heart was pounding in your chest.
He ignored your question, taking another step closer. “You wanna know where your precious Wolf went?” he asked, his tone teasing, dripping with condescension.
Your brows furrowed despite yourself, and you hated how you hesitated. Did he know? Did they have something to do with Ni-ki disappearing?
He noticed the flicker of curiosity in your eyes and smirked beneath the mask. “Ah, there it is,” he said. “You do want to know. But then again… should you? I mean, if he really cared about you, don’t you think he would’ve told you himself? Instead of just up and vanishing like that?”
“That’s not—” you began to argue, but he cut you off.
“No, no,” he said, wagging the knife at you like you were some misbehaving child. “Let’s be real here. Do you honestly think he told you everything? Do you really think you’re anything more than a little toy to him? Something pretty to keep around, just for fun?”
“That’s not true,” you said through gritted teeth, your nails digging into your palms as you tried to stay calm.
“Isn’t it?” he pressed, his tone taunting. “Think about it. You’re sitting here, clueless, while we know where he is. Why didn’t he trust you enough to tell you, huh? Maybe you’re not as important to him as you think.”
Your chest tightened, his words cutting deeper than you wanted to admit. You knew Ni-ki cared for you—you felt it in the way he looked at you, touched you, protected you. But the nagging doubt his words planted began to twist in your mind.
“Shut up,” you muttered, your voice trembling with barely contained anger.
“Oh, hit a nerve, did I?” the man said, his laughter echoing around the room. “Poor little thing, left in the dark by the guy who’s supposed to love you. Face it—he’s been playing you from the start.”
“I said shut up!” you shouted, your voice cracking as frustration and fear boiled over.
The man took another step toward you. “Aw, don’t get mad at me. I’m just telling you the truth. If Wolf really loved you, he wouldn’t have left you like this. He’s probably already moved on, you know. That’s what guys like him do—they don’t stick around. You’re just—”
Before he could finish, the sound of a loud crash came from outside the room, followed by shouts. The leader’s head snapped toward the door, his body tensing.
You felt a flicker of hope spark in your chest, though you had no idea what was happening.
The man turned back to you, narrowing his eyes behind the mask. “Stay put,” he ordered, pointing the knife at you, then pointed sharply at two of his men. “You two, stay here. Don’t let her move,” he barked, his voice sharp. Then, without another glance at you, he disappeared through the door, followed by the rest of the masked figures.
The room fell silent, save for the faint, muffled sound of shouting and movement outside. You froze, your breath shallow, as tension wrapped around you.
The two men left behind didn’t seem particularly thrilled about their assignment. One leaned against the wall, lazily spinning a pistol in his hand, while the other paced back and forth, gripping a shotgun tightly.
“What the hell’s going on out there?” the pacing man muttered under his breath, his steps growing quicker as his nerves got the better of him.
“Probably just a distraction,” the other said casually, though his tone didn’t match the unease in his body language. “Nothing to worry about.”
But then the sound of gunfire ripped through the air, loud and unmistakable. Both men snapped to attention, their heads whipping toward the door.
The pacing man cursed under his breath, his hands tightening around the shotgun. “That didn’t sound like nothing,” he hissed.
The other man straightened, his casual demeanor evaporating in an instant. “Stay sharp,” he muttered, raising his pistol and taking a defensive stance.
Your heart pounded in your chest as you watched them, trying to make sense of what was happening. Was it the police? Another rival group? Or—could it possibly be Ni-ki?
The thought made your stomach twist. You didn’t dare hope, but the timing was too coincidental to ignore.
Another round of gunfire erupted, this time closer. The shouts outside grew louder, more frantic, and you saw the pacing man glance at the door nervously.
“What if—” he started, but before he could finish, the door burst open with a deafening crash.
A masked figure stormed in, moving too quickly for you to process, and before the two men could react, shots rang out. The man with the shotgun dropped first, crumpling to the ground, followed by the other, who barely managed to fire a shot before falling.
You screamed, your body instinctively curling in on itself at the scene that unfolded in front of you.
The masked figure turned to you, their weapon still raised. But then, as if realizing who you were, they slowly, they lowered the gun and reached up to pull off their mask.
Your breath caught in your throat as familiar dark eyes met yours.
Ni-ki.
He was breathing hard, his face splattered with blood—none of it his, from what you could tell. His expression was sharp, focused, but the second he saw you, it softened.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low and steady.
You could only nod, too overwhelmed to speak.
Ni-ki moved toward you quickly and grabbed your hand, pulling you with him.
“We need to go,” he said, his grip firm but gentle as he led you toward the door and out.
“What—how did you—” you stammered, your mind racing with questions, but Ni-ki cut you off.
“Not now,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “I’ll explain everything later. Right now, we need to get out of here.”
You barely had time to nod before Ni-ki’s hand tightened around yours, his grip both protective and urgent. He moved with precision, his steps calculated, as though he had memorized every corner.
The hallway was dimly lit and reeked of sweat and blood. Bodies lay scattered along the floor, some moving in pain, others motionless. You stumbled over one of them, but Ni-ki was quick to steady you, pulling you closer to him as though shielding you from the reality of what you were walking through.
“Stay close to me,” he muttered, his voice low but firm.
The sound of gunfire echoed down the hall, making you flinch. Ni-ki cursed under his breath and pulled you into a side room, pressing you against the wall as he peeked out into the corridor.
You could hear muffled voices shouting orders in the distance, along with the unmistakable clang of boots against the floor.
“They’re regrouping,” Ni-ki muttered, more to himself than to you.
“Who are they?” you whispered, your voice shaking as you gestured vaguely toward the chaos outside. “And why—why did they take me?”
Ni-ki glanced back at you, his dark eyes intense. For a moment, he looked like he wanted to tell you everything, but instead, he shook his head.
“Later,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “Right now, we just need to get out of here alive.”
He leaned back out into the hallway, checking the coast again before grabbing your hand and pulling you back into motion.
The two of you moved quickly, Ni-ki guiding you through a maze of hallways and rooms. You didn’t know where you were going, but you trusted him. You had to.
Eventually, you came to a set of metal doors. Ni-ki pushed one open slightly, peeking out before motioning for you to follow.
The outside air hit you like a shock, cold and biting against your skin. You were in an alleyway, the narrow space lit only by a flickering streetlamp. A black car idled a few feet away, its engine running.
“Get in,” Ni-ki ordered, opening the passenger door for you.
You hesitated for a moment, your legs frozen as your mind tried to catch up with everything that had happened.
“Now,” Ni-ki snapped, his voice sharp but not unkind.
The urgency in his tone jolted you into action. You climbed into the car, and Ni-ki quickly shut the door before jogging around to the driver’s side. He slid in, slamming the door behind him, and immediately hit the gas.
The tires screeched as the car sped out of the alley, merging into the flow of late-night traffic.
For a while, neither of you spoke. You stared out the window, your heart still racing, as the city lights blurred past.
Finally, you broke the silence. “Ni-ki… what’s going on?”
He didn’t answer right away, his hands gripping the wheel tightly. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were focused on the road ahead.
“Those men,” he finally said, his voice low and controlled, “were enemies. Rivals. They’ve been trying to get to me for months, and when they couldn’t, they went after you instead.”
You felt a chill run down your spine. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you warn me this could happen?”
Ni-ki’s grip on the wheel tightened, his knuckles turning white. “I thought I had it under control. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess.”
“But they did drag me into it,” you said, your voice rising slightly. “And you disappeared, Ni-ki! I thought—” Your voice cracked, and you stopped, swallowing hard.
“I know,” he said, his voice softer now. He glanced at you briefly before turning his attention back to the road. “I had to disappear. They were closing in, and I needed to make sure they couldn’t find you. But I didn’t think they’d figure out where you were so fast.”
You stared at him, your emotions a whirlwind of anger, fear, and relief. “So what now? Are they going to keep coming after us?”
Ni-ki was silent for a moment before answering. “Not if I finish this.”
The weight of his words hung heavy in the air. You didn’t know exactly what “finishing this” entailed, but you knew it wasn’t going to be anything simple—or safe.
For now, though, you were too exhausted to push for answers. You leaned back in your seat, closing your eyes as you tried to process everything.
--
You were angry. Angry and hurt. But mostly angry.
The more you tried to push it down, the harder it fought to rise. You didn’t want to admit it, but that guys’ words had gotten to you. They’d planted a seed of doubt that wouldn’t stop growing, no matter how much you wanted to tear it out.
Because the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. Ni-ki had always been secretive, careful with his words, deflecting questions he didn’t want to answer. He’d always told you it was to keep you safe, to protect you from the world he was a part of—but was that all it was?
You hated the doubt clawing at you. It felt like a betrayal to even consider it, but how could you not? He hadn’t told you where he was going or what he was doing. He’d disappeared for a month without a word, leaving you to question everything. And now, after swooping in to save you, he dropped you off at this fancy, unfamiliar hotel like you were some burden and vanished again.
It had been three hours since he left. Three hours of silence, alone in this room, alone with your spiraling thoughts.
You paced the room, the plush carpet soft under your feet as you walked back and forth. The anger bubbled under the surface, growing hotter and heavier with each passing second. You felt like you were going to explode.
How could he do this to you? How could he keep so much from you—things that mattered, things that directly involved you?
You looked around the room, the expensive décor and luxurious furniture mocking you. The place was beautiful, no doubt, but it felt cold and empty. It wasn’t home. It wasn’t comforting. It was just another thing Ni-ki had decided for you without asking.
You tried calling him again, for what felt like the hundredth time, but it went straight to voicemail. No message. No update. Nothing.
The anger surged again, and you threw your phone onto the bed with a frustrated groan. You felt like you were going in circles, your mind chasing answers that weren’t there.
All you wanted was the truth. Was that so much to ask?
You sat down on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands. The doubt crept back in, the voices whispering in your head.
He doesn’t trust you. You’re just someone to keep him entertained. If he really cared, he wouldn’t leave you like this.
You hated that those thoughts felt so convincing.
Because deep down, you knew they weren’t entirely wrong. Ni-ki never told you the full truth about his life, and no matter how much you loved him, no matter how much he said he loved you, there was always a wall between you.
A lump formed in your throat, but you swallowed it down. You didn’t want to cry. You wanted to be mad. Mad was better than hurt. Mad was easier to deal with.
The sound of your phone buzzing snapped you out of your thoughts. You grabbed it quickly, hoping it was him, but it wasn’t. Just another notification you didn’t care about.
You sighed and leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
You didn’t know how long you’d be stuck here, waiting for him, waiting for answers. All you knew was that this wasn’t how things were supposed to be.
If Ni-ki wanted you to trust him, he had to start trusting you too. Because if he didn’t… you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep doing this.
When he eventually did return, it was late at night. You had already gone to bed, the room dark and quiet, when the sound of the door unlocking and opening made you sit up abruptly. You fumbled for the light switch, turning on the bedside lamp, and your eyes widened as you saw Ni-ki standing there.
His clothes were smeared with blood, dark streaks painting his shirt and jacket. His face looked tired, a faint cut across his cheekbone, and his knuckles were raw and bruised.
He looked surprised to see you awake, his usual calm demeanor faltering for just a moment. “You’re awake,” he said, his voice soft but laced with exhaustion. He stepped further into the room, quickly scanning you from head to toe. “Are you okay? Did anything happen?”
You pushed his hands away when he reached for you. “Don’t,” you said sharply, your voice trembling with anger and worry.
His brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” you repeated, your voice rising as you threw the blankets off and stood from the bed. “Ni-ki, look at you! You’re covered in blood! You’ve been gone for hours, and you come back like this and expect me to just—what? Pretend everything’s fine?”
“It’s not my blood,” he said simply, as if that was supposed to make you feel better.
You froze, staring at him in disbelief. His words rendered you speechless for a moment, the weight of them sinking in.
“Not your blood?” you finally managed, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and fear. “That’s not the point, Ni-ki! You disappear without a word, leave me alone in some random hotel, and then show up like this? Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”
“It was business,” he said flatly, his tone calm but guarded.
That made your anger boil over. “It’s always business with you!” you shouted, throwing your hands up in frustration. “Every time! It’s like you think I don’t deserve to know what’s going on. You vanish, come back covered in blood, and all you can say is business?”
Ni-ki ran a hand through his hair, wincing slightly as his bruised knuckles brushed against his scalp. “You don’t understand,” he said quietly.
“Then make me understand!” you snapped, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions. “I’m tired of this, Ni-ki. Tired of wondering if you’re okay, tired of sitting here not knowing if you’re going to come back. It’s like you don’t trust me, like you don’t think I’m worth the truth!”
He stared at you, his expression unreadable. For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something, but then he just shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”
“It’s not that simple,” you repeated bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Of course, it’s not. Nothing with you ever is.”
The room fell into a heavy silence, the tension between you palpable. You could see the exhaustion in his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged under the weight of whatever he’d been carrying. But that didn’t erase the fact that you were tired too—tired of being left in the dark, tired of feeling like you were fighting for a place in his life.
“I’m going to clean up,” he finally said, his voice low. He turned toward the bathroom, pausing in the doorway to glance back at you. “We’ll talk after.”
But you didn’t respond. You just turned away, sitting back on the bed with your back to him.
You heard the sound of running water a moment later, and you felt a lump rise in your throat. You wanted to believe him, to believe that he cared as much as he said he did, but how could you when he brushed you off like that?
When Ni-ki returned, his steps were lighter, freshly showered, dressed in clean clothes, and with damp hair dripping slightly onto the collar of his shirt. He looked at you, expecting to find you asleep, but instead, you sat upright in bed, the glow of your phone casting shadows over your face.
“You’re still awake?” he asked, his voice low with a mix of surprise and guilt.
You didn’t look up from your phone, your fingers idly scrolling. “Couldn’t sleep.”
His brows furrowed, but he said nothing more as he climbed into bed. The mattress dipped under his weight, and after a moment, he scooted closer, slipping an arm around your waist in an attempt to pull you against him.
You immediately shuffled away, putting space between the two of you.
He froze, his arm hovering in the empty space where you’d just been. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice soft but edged with worry.
You finally set your phone down and turned to face him, your expression heavy with emotion. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Ni-ki.”
His eyes widened slightly, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut. “What do you mean?”
You took a shaky breath, feeling the weight of your thoughts crashing down all at once. “You’ve been gone for a month, Ni-ki. A whole month. No calls, no messages, nothing. I didn’t know if you were alive, if you were ever coming back. And then, out of nowhere, you swoop in when I’m in trouble like it’s just another day, like none of it matters.”
“It does matter,” he said quickly, his voice firm as he sat up straighter.
“Does it?” you shot back, your tone sharp. “Because it doesn’t feel like it. You disappear without a word, you keep me in the dark about everything important, and then you show up expecting me to just go along with it, like none of this is supposed to bother me. Do you even…” You paused, your voice breaking slightly as the words caught in your throat. “Do you even love me?”
He stared at you, his lips parting slightly, but no words came out at first. Instead, he reached for you, pulling you into his arms despite your protests and attempts to squirm away.
“Let me go,” you muttered, your voice muffled against his chest.
“No,” he said softly, his arms tightening around you as he rested his chin on top of your head. “I’m not letting you go.”
“Ni-ki—”
“Listen to me,” he interrupted gently, his voice low but steady. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. You’re the only thing in my life that feels real, the only thing I come back to when everything else is chaos. You’re the reason I keep going.”
You shook your head, your hands weakly pressing against his chest as you tried to push him away. “You can’t just say that—”
“I love the way you fight me on everything,” he continued, his lips brushing against the top of your head. “I love the way you look at me like you can see right through me, like you see the parts of me no one else does. I love the way you don’t care about the money, or the things I do—you just care about me.”
“Stop,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes.
“I love you,” he said again, his voice breaking slightly as he buried his face in your hair. “And I’m sorry for everything. For leaving you alone, for making you feel like you don’t matter. You do, okay? You matter more than anything.”
Despite yourself, despite the anger and hurt you still felt, his words broke through the walls you’d tried so hard to put up. The weight of your emotions came crashing down, and you finally gave in, collapsing against him as the tears spilled over.
Your hands gripped his shirt tightly, your body shaking with quiet sobs as he held you close, his arms strong and steady around you. “I hate you,” you mumbled weakly, though there was no real malice behind the words.
He chuckled softly, kissing the top of your head. “I know. I know, I would hate me too.”
You didn’t respond, too exhausted and overwhelmed to say anything more. And as he continued to hold you, whispering quiet reassurances and pressing soft kisses to your hair, you realized something.
You had missed him so much.
You woke up the next morning to the weight of Ni-ki draped over you, clinging to you like a koala. His arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, and his head was squished against your chest, his messy hair tickling your chin. You blinked groggily, taking in the sight of him, so peaceful in his sleep.
For a moment, you just stared, letting yourself savor the quiet moment. There was something in the way he held you, like you were the one thing in his life he couldn’t let go of.
Unable to resist, you slowly brought your hand up to his hair, carding your fingers through the soft strands. He responded immediately, leaning into your touch and groaning sleepily, his grip on you tightening as if to say, don’t stop.
You smiled faintly, your fingers continuing to glide through his hair. It was moments like these that made it so hard to stay mad at him, to even consider walking away. But the thoughts you’d had the night before still lingered in the back of your mind, refusing to let you rest.
After a while, you decided you needed to get up. Slowly and carefully, you began the long and arduous task of peeling Ni-ki off you. It was no easy feat—he grumbled in protest, his arms tightening around you whenever you tried to wiggle free. He buried his face further into your chest, muttering something incoherent, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes affectionately.
“Ni-ki,” you whispered softly, brushing his hair back. “Let go.”
He groaned but didn’t budge, his grip still firm. It took several more minutes of gently prying his arms away and untangling yourself from his hold, but eventually, you managed to slip out from under him.
As you stood, you glanced back at him. He had turned onto his side, still deep in sleep, his hair a mess and his lips slightly parted. He looked so carefree, so unlike the Ni-ki you usually saw—guarded, calculating, always one step ahead.
You sighed quietly and turned away, grabbing your clothes and getting dressed before quietly slipping out of the room. You needed some time to think, to process everything.
Your feelings for Ni-ki weren’t the issue. You loved him—of that, you were certain. But loving him wasn’t the same as being able to handle the life that came with him. The secrecy, the danger, the constant wondering if he was okay or if you’d ever see him again. It was exhausting, and it scared you more than you wanted to admit.
And so, you left the room, leaving Ni-ki behind in his slumber. You needed to figure out what you really wanted, what this relationship meant for you both.
The irony of it all wasn’t lost on you. Ni-ki had spent so long running, leaving you behind to think and worry in his absence. Now, it was your turn to take the space you needed—even if only for a little while.
And so, you took the space you needed. After everything, it was your turn to vanish—not completely, of course. You still had responsibilities to attend to, places to be, and tasks to complete. But for Ni-ki, you became a ghost.
You didn’t answer his calls. Each time your phone buzzed with his name on the screen, you ignored it, staring at the device until it fell silent. The texts he sent—long, short, questioning, apologetic—went unanswered. Even when he rang your doorbell, you couldn’t bring yourself to open it. You’d sit silently inside, barely breathing, until you heard the sound of him leaving.
At work, you made sure to disappear when he showed up, ducking into the breakroom or slipping out the back. At school, you avoided the places you thought he might look for you. When you did catch glimpses of him—standing at a distance, scanning the crowd, his expression filled with frustration and concern—you’d slip away before he could see you.
You told yourself it wasn’t forever. That this was what you needed, a chance to clear your head and sort through the storm of emotions swirling inside you. But each time you saw his name pop up on your phone or caught sight of him searching for you, a pang of guilt struck you deep.
Still, you couldn’t bear to face him right now. You couldn’t look into those eyes, so full of emotion, and risk falling apart all over again. You needed this time. Time to figure out if you could handle everything that came with loving someone like Ni-ki.
And so, you stayed hidden, even as part of you ached to open the door, to pick up the phone, to let him explain everything. Because, despite the distance you’d created, you couldn’t stop missing him.
Ni-ki wasn’t the kind of person to give up easily, though. And you knew, deep down, that this wouldn’t be the end. Not for him, not for you.
But what could you really do when someone like Ni-ki was your boyfriend? It was only a matter of time before he got to you again.
It happened when you least expected it—again. You were outside, tossing a bag of trash into the dumpster, then, like a shadow slipping out of nowhere, Ni-ki appeared behind you.
"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked.
You froze, your hand still gripping the edge of the dumpster. Slowly, you turned to face him. He looked the same as always, but his eyes were different. They weren’t filled with their usual confidence or amusement. Instead, they looked tired. Frustrated.
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” you muttered, though the words felt weak even to your own ears.
Ni-ki scoffed softly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sure, you weren’t.”
You glanced around, as if looking for an escape route, but you knew there wasn’t one. Not from him. "What do you want, Ni-ki?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.
He took a step closer, and you instinctively took one back. "I want you to stop avoiding me," he said. His tone wasn’t angry, but there was an edge to it, a quiet insistence. "You’ve been ignoring me for days. Do you think I wouldn’t notice?"
"Maybe I wanted you to notice," you shot back, the words slipping out before you could stop them.
Ni-ki tilted his head, studying you with those dark, piercing eyes. "So, what? You wanted me to chase you?"
"I wanted space!" you snapped, your voice louder now. "I needed time to think, Ni-ki. About us. About this." You gestured vaguely between the two of you, your frustration bubbling to the surface. "You can’t just keep vanishing and showing up whenever you feel like it. That’s not fair to me."
For a moment, he didn’t say anything. The silence hung heavy between you, broken only by the distant sound of a car passing by. Then he stepped closer again, and this time, you didn’t move away.
“I know,” he said quietly, his voice softer now. “I messed up. I should’ve told you what was going on. I just... I didn’t know how.”
“You didn’t know how?” you repeated, your anger still simmering but mingled now with disbelief. “You didn’t know how to tell your girlfriend where you were going or why you disappeared for a month?”
“I thought I was protecting you,” he admitted, his eyes dropping to the ground for a moment before meeting yours again. “I thought... if I kept you out of it, you’d be safe.”
You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Safe? Do you know how scared I was when you disappeared? How much worse it made everything when those guys showed up and—” Your voice cracked, and you quickly stopped, swallowing hard.
Ni-ki’s jaw clenched, his hands tightening into fists at his sides. “I know. And I hate that you had to go through that. But I came back, didn’t I?”
"That’s not the point, Ni-ki," you said, your voice quieter now. “It’s not just about coming back. It’s about not leaving me in the dark in the first place.”
He took another step forward, close enough now that you could feel the warmth of him in the cold night air. “I’m trying,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t... I don’t know how to do this. The whole relationship thing. But I’m trying.”
You stared at him, your anger still lingering but softening slightly at the vulnerability in his voice.
“You’re not making it easy,” you muttered.
He smirked faintly, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “When have I ever made anything easy?”
Despite yourself, you almost smiled at that. But you weren’t ready to let him off the hook just yet. “This is serious, Ni-ki,” you said, your tone firm. “If you want this to work, you have to stop shutting me out. I can’t do this if you’re just going to disappear every time things get messy.”
He nodded slowly, his expression more serious now. “I know. And I promise, I’ll do better. Just... don’t give up on me. On us.”
You hesitated, studying him closely. He looked sincere, but you couldn’t help wondering if that would be enough. Still, as much as you wanted to stay mad, a part of you wanted to believe him. To give him another chance.
“I’m not promising anything,” you said finally, your voice softer now. “But... I’ll think about it.”
Ni-ki smiled faintly, and for the first time, it felt genuine. “That’s all I’m asking for.”
You took the time you needed, allowing the days to pass slowly as you sorted through your thoughts. It wasn’t easy, and there were moments when you doubted whether anything would change.
After a week of space, you decided it was time. You texted Ni-ki, asking him to come over to talk. You weren’t sure what the conversation would look like, but you knew you couldn’t keep pushing him away, and you couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.
When the doorbell rang later that evening, your heart was pounding in your chest. You hadn’t seen him in days, and the anticipation was nerve-wracking. You took a deep breath before walking over and opening the door.
There he was, standing on your doorstep with that familiar hoodie, his hands shoved into his pockets, and his expression unreadable. But there was something different in the way he stood—more uncertain, almost... nervous.
You studied him for a moment, unsure of where to begin. But then, his eyes met yours, and he spoke first.
“You wanted to talk?” he asked quietly.
You nodded, stepping aside to let him in. “Yeah. We need to.”
The air between you felt thick with everything that had been left unsaid, but neither of you moved until you both sat down in the living room. Ni-ki took a seat across from you, his hands resting on his knees, his gaze focused on the floor for a moment before meeting your eyes again.
“I know I messed up,” he began, his voice low. “I hurt you. I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me, and I... I’m sorry for that. I never meant to make you feel abandoned or like you didn’t matter.”
You looked at him, your heart aching at the sincerity in his voice, but the sting of his absence still lingered. “I just don’t understand why you thought it was okay to just disappear. To leave me without any explanation. I’ve been asking myself that over and over,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “I know you think you were protecting me, but... it felt like you were shutting me out. Like I wasn’t even part of your world.”
Ni-ki ran a hand through his hair, frustration evident in the way he sighed. “I get that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should’ve communicated with you, let you know what was going on. But I didn’t. I kept everything to myself because I thought I was doing the right thing... keeping you safe.”
You shook your head. “But that’s not how a relationship works, Ni-ki. You don’t just keep secrets. You don’t disappear without saying anything. And you can’t keep making decisions without me.”
“I know,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I messed up, and I’m not proud of it. But I’m here now. I’m here because I want to fix this. I want to make things right with you. I know I’ve hurt you, and I can’t take that back, but I’ll do anything to prove that I care. That I’m not just using you.”
His words hit you hard, and for a moment, you looked down at your hands, unsure of what to say. You didn’t want to keep holding on to the anger and the hurt, but it was hard to shake off the feeling of betrayal.
“I don’t know, Ni-ki,” you said quietly. “I’m not sure if I can just forget what happened. It’s not just about you disappearing—it’s everything that came with it. The way you treated me like I was some kind of afterthought.”
Ni-ki moved closer to you, his hand gently reaching out for yours. “I understand. And I don’t expect you to forget. But I need you to know that I want to be here. I want to make things right. I love you. And I’ll prove it every day.”
You hesitated, still holding on to the doubts and the pain. But his hand in yours felt like a lifeline, and for the first time in a long while, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe things could be different. Maybe he could change.
“I don’t know if it will be easy,” you said softly, “but I’ll try. I’ll try if you promise me that you’ll be honest with me. That you won’t keep things from me anymore.”
Ni-ki nodded, his grip tightening on your hand. “I promise. No more secrets.”
--
It felt surreal, the way things shifted after Ni-ki made that promise. He wasn’t just physically present—he was emotionally there too, in ways you hadn’t expected. The first thing you’d see when you woke up was him, his face relaxed in sleep, a hint of a smile at the corners of his lips as if he were content just being there with you. And the last thing you saw before sleep was him, his warm arms around you, ensuring that you were safe and cared for.
You noticed how he didn’t leave your side much. Whether it was at home, walking you to work, or even just sitting on the couch together, he made sure to be near you, always close enough to reassure you that he was there for good. There were no more of those long, unexplained absences. No more shadows lurking over the relationship. He was there. He was committed.
One evening, as you were sitting together on the couch, your curiosity got the better of you. It had been weeks since you’d noticed any signs of the heists he’d been involved in—no more late-night disappearances, no more mysterious meetings. You decided to ask him outright.
“Ni-ki... I’ve been meaning to ask,” you said, your voice tentative, “What happened to all those heists? All that... the stuff you used to do?”
He tensed slightly, his eyes flicking to yours before he took a slow breath. “I quit,” he said simply, the words carrying weight that took you by surprise.
“Wait, what?” You blinked, unsure if you’d heard him correctly. “You quit? Like, for real?”
Ni-ki nodded, a serious look in his eyes. “Yeah. I realized it wasn’t the life I wanted anymore. I don’t want to be that person who hides behind masks and lies. I don’t want to drag you into that world. I’ve done enough to screw things up already.”
You felt a rush of emotions—surprise, confusion, and a strange sense of relief. He had quit? For you?
“You... you quit for me?” You whispered, almost unable to believe it.
He nodded again, reaching out to take your hand in his. “For both of us. I’m serious about us, about you. I don’t want to lose you. So I’m going to get a real job, a legitimate one. I want a future with you, and that’s not going to happen if I’m still out there, risking everything.”
The sincerity in his voice was undeniable, and as you looked into his eyes, you saw the truth in every word. Ni-ki had always been unpredictable, but in this moment, he seemed more grounded, more determined than you had ever seen him.
You took a deep breath, the weight of it all sinking in. “I... I don’t know what to say,” you admitted softly.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Ni-ki said, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “I just wanted you to know. I want to build something real with you. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
Ni-ki had been reckless and wild in the past, but now, here he was—showing up for you in ways that were more meaningful than any flashy gesture or promise could convey.
“Okay,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “Okay. I believe you.”
And that was all you needed to hear from him.
You leaned into him, letting yourself relax into the warmth of his embrace, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders.
You were both living in the moment, together.
a/n: this is the last chapter of this fic :) hope you all enjoyed it and stayed for the journey <3
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Listen to me
Listen very closely
The above is exactly why half of my friends come to me, and cry they're suffering, and I get to bestow my job hunting knowledge on them. I love this shit, it's a game.
For credentials my fastest job hunting time has been 1 week. I searched for 1 week, got an interview, and was hired within a week. My slowest was 1 month, while out of work, while telling ALL my interviewers that I quit my work without notice (I was testing my interviewers to see how shocked they'd get when I'd tell them why, anyone who wasn't shocked I would tell them at the end that I will keep them in mind (not)). My entire average is 2-3 weeks.
Firstly, what you're gunna do is pick a job sector. You're gunna pick a few of these by the end, but for now pick one. Maybe you wanna do bookkeeping, maybe you wanna do something in doggy daycare. Maybe you're a sous chef. Idk! Figure out what abouts you want first. Do not apply to anything yet. You're gunna look at the job description, I've picked out a few for bookkeepers below.
Now what you're gunna do is you're gunna look for "buzz words", or rather words that are gunna appear commonly and indicate the tone for that job. I've highlighted some, but not all in my examples below
Just look at that snout at how similar those descriptions are!
Now that you've got your buzzwords, you're gunna slap those babies into your resume! You see, since your resume is usually read by a computer first, you're gunna trick the computer into giving it to a person. Really what the computer is scanning for is how similar your resume is to the job description. Remember your bullet points, and to keep it short, try to only have 3 to 5 bullet points per job:
- Processed over 500 invoices a day in an efficient and accurate manner
- Curated reports for management review by utilizing available data
- Monitored and recorded over 100 submissions each day increasing accuracy by 50%
These are some great, made up examples I pulled from those buzz words. You might notice I added some numbers into there. That's something you'll wanna try and note for yourself, how much of something you can do, how accurate, how much efficiency you increased, these look GREAT when your resume gets past the computer and is moved in front of a real person.
Now you have your sector-based resume with lots of buzzwords. This is great! Now for the easy part. You're gunna channel your inner "IDGAF" And you're gunna send that to every listing you like on indeed. Filter for "Apply on Indeed" and spam that shit. Sometimes you gotta answer a few extra questions, but if they give me more than 5 quick questions I trash the submission and move on.
Don't waste your time jumping through hoops, streamline it for yourself and use the same methods companies are using. Push MASSIVE amounts of average quality resumes out. The more opportunities taken = the greater the chance of success. For every opportunity taken you've now pitched a chance of success, for every resume you cannot submit because you're piddling around on their stupid website or answering 50 interview questions online, you send out a 0% chance of success.
So go, try this, and see how it works for you.
Some additional things to consider:
- Add random shit in your resume, I added my "Board Game Club" (BDSM group) into my resume for hobbies and discussed how I got my start using sparklines there
- Never underestimate the flair of a little Clipart fleur-de-lis or something on your resume. Never put colored Clipart, but a little floral or swirl design located somewhere nice makes it stand out
- if you don't have a degree that doesn't mean they won't pick you, twice now I've come to a job without a bachelors and being honest that I was only getting an associates before I think of my next steps
- Embellish, do not lie. Jargoning your job description to make it sound cool and professional is GREAT. Do not give me a resume saying you can use CNC machinery when you've only used a 3D printer. Just tell me you know how to program and manage a 3d printer and want to learn CNC machinery.
- Keep. Your. Resume. To. Two. Or. Less. Pages. You don't need EVERY job, only the relevant ones, if your interviewer asks about the gap, tell them what job you had during that time (or if you wanna lie say you were taking college courses and were on a break, you dont need a degree to say you took courses) and that you only wanted to showcase the most relevant ones
- I'm serious on that last one I'll eat your fucking resume
Hey kid you want a job?
Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.
See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.
Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.
Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.
Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.
Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section
(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!
Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.
Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(
Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ a symphony of silence
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ synopsis: if you want to know what it’s like to love someone who was never yours, ask gojo satoru.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ tags/warnings: angst, unrequited love, crying, happy ending, talks of soulmates
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ wc: 5.5k
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ a/n: thank you all so much for 1k followers!! I appreciate every bit of love and support I have received and I hope with this new year, I can make you all happy with my work. :) this is just a little thing, but I really hope u guys enjoy it. as always, have a wonderful day and eat well!
The days feel brighter with you.
No amount of paperwork, miscalculations, messed up orders can change the light you bring into his life. The moment he met you, he knew it was strange. Feeling himself being reeled in like a fish too quickly scared him. But if you asked him that question, he’d never admit his fear.
His smile had a mind of its own, curling up in a subconscious way whenever you so much as spared him a fleeting glance. And when you smiled at him? He was on cloud nine. His heart beat faster and stomach fluttered like a little schoolboy when he was in your vicinity.
But he was always careful. So careful, too careful. Like the way someone treads lightly around a fragile thing they can never keep. You were so full of life, so innocent in your joy, and he was nothing but a darkened silhouette in the background.
He knew what you deserved, and it wasn’t him. Not a man like him, burdened with secrets and a past he couldn’t shake off. And you? You were meant for someone who could offer the world, not someone like him who could barely provide anything but a fleeting moment of warmth.
He had a way of slipping into your presence unnoticed, his longing buried deep within the corners of his chest. When he laughed at your jokes, it was because he couldn’t bear the thought of you seeing through him, of knowing just how badly he wanted to be more than a passing acquaintance. He wanted to reach out, touch your hand, but the words always died in his throat, swallowed by the fear of your rejection.
He knew the truth, though. You would never see him as he saw you. You would never feel that electric pull, that magnetic force that lured him to you in ways he couldn’t explain, ways he would never allow himself to. Because it would hurt too much, to love someone who didn’t even know.
The days grew brighter with you, but in the back of his mind, he could feel the darkness creeping in. He was just a shadow in your life, and nothing more. And it was enough for him, even if it meant living in a love that would never be returned. As long as you were happy. As long as you smiled. That was all he could ever ask for. He sometimes joked with himself about just saying ‘fuck it’ and getting down on one knee for you. He would.
Too bad his best friend had the balls to do it before he did.
He saw it coming, of course. You and Suguru have been together for five years. He was there through every phase of your growing relationship, a background character in a main couple’s story. It’s why he felt guilty about his feelings—his thoughts. But he always justified it with a he knew you first.
He watched the way Suguru could make you laugh with the simplest words, how your eyes lit up when he held you close. It was the kind of love that made the world feel like it had all the right answers—answers he never had. He shouldn’t be pining after you. You were Suguru’s, and the world had made that clear. But there was always a part of him that entertained the what ifs. He was there before Suguru, before the smiles and the promises, before the certainty of love that seemed to hold you two together like a force stronger than gravity.
And yet, here he was, helpless. Watching you slip further away, like sand through his fingers. You were so easy to love, and so impossible to have.
He’d gotten good at keeping his distance. At laughing along with Suguru’s jokes, at pretending to be happy for the both of you. But inside, it was a constant ache, a pain that never went away, no matter how many times he buried it under a mask of smiles and camaraderie. He wondered if you ever noticed the way he looked at you. The quiet longing that always seemed to flicker in his eyes when you spoke. But you never did. How could you? You were too wrapped up in the love you had with Suguru to ever see the way his heart twisted with every word you spoke, every touch you gave.
But maybe, just maybe, he could keep pretending. Keep pretending that your happiness meant more than his own. Because that’s what love was, right? Sacrificing for the one you cared about, even if they never knew the weight of it.
“Are you happy, Satoru?”
Your question was simple enough, but you really had no idea just how much weight it held. Not like he would tell you. His head tilts, playfully smiling. “Happy? Why do you ask, hm?”
“I’ve just been wondering…” you mutter, tracing your glass rim with a manicured nail. Looking up at him in such a way that makes him want to wrap his arms around your body and hold on tight. “I don’t want to be invasive, but sometimes it just feels…faked.”
Huh, so you’re not as oblivious as he thought you were.
But your words hit him like a cold wave, a shock to his system. You had no idea. You never would. The smile on his face falters for just a moment, yet it’s enough. Enough to make him feel like he’s exposed, vulnerable, like you might see right through the layers he’d spent so long building up.
Faked.
That word stings more than anything else you could’ve said. Because, in some twisted way, you were right. He had spent so long pretending, so long wearing a mask that even he had begun to forget what it was like to feel anything real. What it was like to want something for himself, to let someone in without fear.
He takes a slow breath, his gaze softening, eyes flicking to the side, pretending to consider the question. “I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?” His voice is casual, a practiced indifference, but inside, his heart is pounding.
You don’t buy it. You never did.
“I don’t know, Satoru. You always seem so… distant. Like you’re somewhere else, even when you’re here.” There’s a hint of concern in your tone, but it’s laced with a careful distance, as if you’re treading around something fragile.
He swallows hard, the weight of your gaze digging into him. You see it, don’t you? The cracks in the armor he’s so carefully constructed. The loneliness he hides behind every joke, every flirtatious smile.
But he can’t tell you the truth. Not when your words have the power to break him, to shatter everything he’s built up around himself. He can’t show you how deeply he cares, how much he wants to reach out and make you see him for what he truly is—just a man who’s afraid of losing something he’s never had.
He laughs, a little too loud—a little too involuntary. “I’m just a little busy, that’s all. Life’s a bit chaotic, but I’m fine. Really.”
Even so, you still don’t look convinced. And for a split second, he wonders if you’ve figured it out. If you can see the way his heart aches every time he’s near you, how badly he wishes things were different. How badly he wishes he could be the one to make you smile, make you laugh, in a way that wasn’t tainted by his unspoken feelings.
However instead, you just smile softly, a quiet understanding in your eyes. For just a moment, he thinks maybe you’ve known this whole time. Of course, he’ll never make you aware of how much that question, those few words, broke him inside. Not now. Not ever.
He can feel the cold of your engagement ring pressed against the back of his palm, looking over at you with parted lips, raised brows. Your expression is soft—too inviting. He almost can’t take it anymore.
Your entire being brings him in, wrapping around his soul like a warm blanket on a cold night. Your eyes can hold a thousand different meanings, but so can your touch. The world blurs into a fade when it’s just you and him, like it always does. He can see the fireworks, feel the softness of your skin against his.
He wants you so much.
It’s a quiet ache, a longing that starts in the pit of his stomach and spreads like wildfire, burning him from the inside out. He’s so close to you now, the air between you two charged, heavy with unsaid words and unspoken desires.
Your breath catches as you watch him, and it only makes things worse. It’s as if you’re reading him, sensing the intensity of the pull that draws him to you, even though you shouldn’t. Even though you’re promised to someone else. But for a moment, it’s just the two of you in this space, and everything else ceases to exist.
His heart races as he subconsciously leans in, just a fraction of an inch. Like a man on the edge of something dangerous, something he knows he shouldn’t want, but does anyway. His fingers twitch against your wrist, the ring there a painful reminder of the distance between what is and what could never be.
You shift slightly, a small motion, but it’s enough to send a jolt through him. You’re so close now, your warmth seeping into him, your scent intoxicating. In a single brief and fleeting instant, he wonders if you feel the same pull, if you’re as caught in the web of longing as he is.
Just then, you blink; and the spell is broken. You pull back just enough. The correct amount of room to create a sliver of space, he feels his heart sink. “I…” Your voice is barely a whisper, as if you’re struggling with the weight of the moment too. But he knows what’s coming. You always have that hesitation, that gentle reluctance when it comes to him.
He swallows, the words caught in his throat, but the truth is too painful to speak. He can’t admit how much he wants you. He can’t admit that, despite the ring on your finger, despite everything that keeps you apart, he’s falling for you in ways that have nothing to do with logic and everything to do with his heart.
“I know,” he whispers finally, his voice low, barely audible, because it’s the only thing he can say without completely shattering the fragile barrier that keeps everything in check.
When deep down, in the part of him that refuses to let go, he wishes with everything he has that you could see him. That you could feel what he feels.
That you could love him, just once, the way he loves you.
He puts on his usual smile. He knows you see through it now, but there’s no point in hiding it. There’s no point in hiding anything anymore, is there? “I know,” he repeats.
The words fall heavy between you, thick with unspoken truths, and yet, they feel like a fragile lie. He laughs again, but it’s different now. Not the carefree expression he usually wears, but one edged with something raw—something too real for either of you to ignore. He knows you see the cracks. He knows you feel the tension and the weight of everything he doesn’t say. It makes him ache in ways he can’t describe. You’ve always seen him, better than anyone else, better than he ever allowed anyone to. And even now, when the distance between you is palpable, when everything about this moment screams to turn away, neither of you can.
You’re still staring at him, your eyes warm but searching. You want more. You want to know what’s behind that smile, what’s behind the guarded words, the silence that screams louder than anything he’s ever said. You want to see through the layers, even when he’s terrified of what you might find.
Except that’s the truth of it, isn’t it? He’s terrified. Terrified of losing you, terrified of the vulnerability that comes with loving someone so completely. Terrified that you’ll slip away from him, like everyone else does.
“Satoru…” Your voice trembles slightly, hesitation lingering in the air like an uninvited guest. You want to say something, but you don’t know how. You want to reach for him, but you know the consequences. The space between you both feels endless, a chasm that neither of you can cross.
He really can’t keep pretending anymore.
His smile falters, his eyes dimming as he finally lets go of the pretense, removing the silence hanging in the air. He feels the weight of your gaze on him, steady and knowing, and something inside him breaks.
You know. You always knew.
“I don’t want to hide this anymore,” he admits quietly, his voice strained, his chest tight with the confession. It’s not a declaration of love, not yet. However, it’s the closest thing he can give you right now—the truth, raw and painful. He’s not sure what you’ll do with it, if it’ll push you further away or bring you closer, but the honesty feels both freeing and suffocating at the same time. He waits for your response, his heart hammering in his chest, terrified of the silence that follows. Because no matter what happens next, he knows that something between the two of you has irrevocably shifted. And there’s no going back.
When you look away from him, he gets his answer. With that, he laughs softly to himself in understanding. Not even needing to hear your soft words—whispered apologies. Because at the end of the day, he knew what would happen.
He’s not mad at you for it, how could he be?
You’ve always been his anchor, even if you couldn’t see it. Even if he was just the one who stood in the background, quietly waiting, hoping for a moment like this. He knew that in the end, it would never be him, and somehow, he had accepted that. But it doesn’t make the ache any less painful, the hollow feeling in his chest where something once burned bright.
You’ve always belonged to someone else.
The way you look away, the way your fingers subtly twist the fabric of your shirt as if you’re gathering the courage to speak, tells him everything. You don’t need to apologize for anything. He knows. He always has.
But it doesn’t stop the weight from pressing down on him. It doesn’t stop the way his heart cracks, just a little bit more, with every moment that stretches between you both.
He should leave. Walk away before it hurts too much. Yet something keeps him there—something that’s always kept him tethered to you, even in your silence. Once more, he chuckles quietly. The sound is bitter in the back of his throat. He puts his smile back into place, masking the storm brewing inside. “It’s okay,” he says softly, almost as if he’s reassuring himself as much as you. “I get it.”
His voice is steady, but there’s a quiver that betrays him, a flicker of pain he can’t hide. You’ll never know just how much it stings. How it feels like something vital is slipping away, piece by piece. But he won’t show you that. Not now. Not when he knows you’re already carrying your own weight.
And so, he stays. Silent, distant, as you both continue to navigate the space between what you want and what you can’t have. No matter how much it hurts, he loves you. In the quietest, most agonizing way possible. And that’s enough for him, even if it will never be enough for you.
“Just…don’t leave me.” He mutters, almost like he doesn’t want to get the words out. He’s aware of the fact that he’s pushing more than he should—biting off more than he’s being given.
You gulp, biting the inside of your cheek. A silent second passes before you nod. “I’d never let you go.”
When he’s walking back home that night, the air feels more suffocating than usual. His apartment—too big for one—is cold. Walking to his bedroom, not bothering to strip himself of his clothes as he plops down onto his bed. Staring up at the ceiling with a melancholic smile. Feeling a prickle of tears hit the corners of his eyes. They don’t fall—not yet. He swallows hard, but the lump in his throat won’t budge.
He should be happy, right? At least you didn’t leave him completely. Nonetheless, the promise in your words doesn’t feel like solace; it feels like a bandage over a wound that will never fully heal. He chortles, a hollow, bitter sound that fills the emptiness of the room.
That’s probably the nicest way he could’ve been let down. For some reason, it hurts more.
Extremely more than he thought it would. Somewhere along the lines, he may have even somehow convinced himself that maybe—just maybe—things could be different. But of course, they weren’t. They never could be. The optimism in him is dying.
The silence in his apartment is deafening, and in the quiet, his mind runs wild with every memory of you, every moment that he convinced himself meant more than it did. The way your voice eased when you spoke to him, the way your eyes lingered just a little too long. He had built up those fleeting moments into something real, something that could have existed in another life, in another world. However now, reality has slammed into him with brutal force, leaving him breathless and broken.
He curls his fingers into the sheets, his chest tightening. He wants to scream, but the words stick to the back of his throat. Instead, he lets out a long, shaky breath, the weight of everything settling deeper into his bones.
Tomorrow, he will smile again. Tomorrow, he will pretend everything is okay. So tonight, in the darkness of his room, it can just be him and the stabbing pain of unrequited love.
It’s so difficult because it’s more than he can bear. Even dreaming is not an escape from you.
He lies there for what feels like hours, staring at the ceiling, the darkness of the room closing in around him. His thoughts are a whirlwind—too much, too fast, all at once. He feels like he’s drowning in them, unable to pull himself out. He shifts uncomfortably, pulling the covers tighter around his body, as if they could shield him from the cold ache in his chest. The memory of your words, of the softness in your voice, keeps echoing in his mind: “I’d never let you go.” You hadn’t meant it the way he wanted, the way he had hoped. You had meant it in the kindest way possible, but all it did was reinforce the distance between you two. You couldn’t love him. You couldn’t be with him—not the way he needed you to be.
He tries to push away the thought, but it lingers, gnawing at him. The weight of knowing that you would never truly leave him, that you’d always be there. Still, never in the way he wanted. It cuts so much deeper than he could have imagined. It’s like a constant reminder that some things just aren’t meant to be.
A soft sigh escapes his lips, and he runs a hand over his face, his fingers pressing against his eyes. He’s tired—so tired. Not physically, but emotionally. It’s exhausting, pretending. Entirely consuming it is to feel something that can never be returned the way it’s given.
He presses the back of his palm to his nose, inhaling the faint remnants of your scent. The tears finally fall, slow and quiet at first. Soon, they’re coming harder and faster. But he doesn’t make a sound. He doesn’t want anyone to hear, not like anyone would. He doesn’t want it to be known the way his heart is shattering, piece by piece, while he lies alone in the shadows of his apartment.
For a moment, he wishes you could feel this—this ache, this longing that gnaws at him until there’s nothing left but the hollowed-out shell of someone who will never truly be enough. He wishes you could understand how it feels to love someone so deeply, to want them more than anything, and yet know that your love will never be enough.
He laughs again, a bitter, empty sound, this time not hiding it. It’s a dull laugh that tastes like defeat. He wipes at his eyes, sniffling quietly, the tears continuing to fall. Then, he forces himself to take a deep breath, to stop.
He can’t let himself drown in this. Not now.
But the truth is, he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep pretending. The weight of everything—the smiles, the casual conversations, the “I’m fine” that he spits out like it’s nothing—feels too heavy now. He wonders how long you were able to tell. If you saw through the facade when you first met him, if you noticed the cracks starting to form around him immediately. Maybe he was the oblivious one.
He tells himself over and over again: you have your own life, your own love, your own future.
He rolls onto his side, facing the wall, the emptiness of his solitude swallowing him whole. Tomorrow, he thinks to himself, I’ll wake up, and I’ll be fine. He’s done this before. Pretending, masking the pain, wearing the boyish smile he knows so well. It’s easier than facing the truth, than admitting how much it hurts.
For now, in the quiet of his apartment, the only thing he can do is let the tears fall, and let himself grieve for the love he’ll never have.
However, one day…something changes in Satoru. He doesn’t even expect it. It’s subtle at first. A shift, almost imperceptible, like the first breeze of spring after a long, bitter winter. He’s standing at the edge of the room, watching as you and Suguru stand hand in hand at the altar, your eyes locked with his in a way that is nothing short of reverent. Your smile—so soft, so full of love—shines through the quiet moment as Suguru vows to stand by you, to love you through everything. Maybe it’s the way you seem so at peace with yourself while looking his best friend in the eyes at the altar, or the way you're radiantly glowing when you two have your first dance. Or the way you still regard him with the same tenderness you did from day one.
The ache grows quieter.
As you look at him, there’s a quiet contentment that blooms in Satoru’s chest. It’s not pain, not jealousy, not longing. Just peace. Something about seeing you so at ease, so sure of yourself, brings a strange sense of clarity to his heart.
He doesn’t know what it is—perhaps it’s the way you carry yourself now, with confidence, with the kind of joy that was never there before—but he feels something relieve within him. The old throbbing pain, the one that had been gnawing at him for so long, then pauses just a bit. It’s like the final breath of a storm passing, leaving behind only calm.
Later that evening, as he watches the two of you share your first dance, something settles in his chest, something he can’t quite explain. You’re glowing under the soft lights, and the way Suguru holds you so gently, his fingers pressing into the small of your back, is enough to make Satoru’s throat tighten. There’s no regret, no bitterness. Just a quiet acceptance.
He knows, deep down, that this is your moment. And he’s finally okay with that.
Satoru’s gaze drifts to you as you laugh, your head tilting back slightly as Suguru twirls you in his arms. Your eyes meet his, just for a second, and he sees it—the same look you’ve always had for him. His eyes don’t move from you one bit throughout the night, feeling something drift into the air. His shoulders feel lighter. Now, it’s just… comfort. A quiet, steady beat that comes from knowing he’s been a part of something meaningful in your life, even if it wasn’t meant to be forever.
He smiles to himself, the ghost of his old longing fading into the background. For the first time in a long time, Satoru feels like he’s no longer holding onto something that’s slipping through his fingers. The pieces have finally clicked into place. So, in that moment, he realizes something he hadn’t anticipated.
He’s free.
As the night winds down, and the last few guests start to trickle out, Satoru stays behind, quietly watching the empty dance floor. The lights are dimmed, the music faded, but the feeling of the day still lingers in the air. He knows that things have changed for him—deeply, irrevocably.
It’s not that he’s given up on love. Not at all. But something in him has shifted. It could be that his understanding is that love isn’t always about holding onto someone forever. Sometimes, it’s about letting them go—allowing them to find their happiness in their own way, even if it’s not with you.
You and Suguru have your own story now, and Satoru is finally okay with that. In fact, he’s grateful for it. Because without your happiness, without you finding peace with him, he never would have found peace with himself.
He takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of it all—of everything that’s passed, of everything that’s been said and unsaid—and it’s fine. It’s more than fine. He’s not angry. He’s not resentful. He’s content.
And that’s enough.
The days that follow are gentle. There’s no rush or no pressure. Satoru slowly moves forward with his life, embracing the little things—his work, his friendships, his quiet moments. There’s a stillness in him that wasn’t there before. The pain that had consumed him for so long doesn’t disappear completely, but it becomes more manageable. More bearable.
Of course, maybe one day, in another place, with another person, there will be a love that’s his to hold onto. But for now, he’s happy with this. He’s happy with letting go—with moving forward. Because in the end, he’s learned that love doesn’t always look the way you expect. It isn’t always a fairy tale. Sometimes, it’s just a silent acceptance, a letting go, and knowing that everything will be okay in the end.
For the first time in a long time, Satoru believes that.
Finally, he just sees you. Someone’s wife.
Satoru stands there for a moment, taking in the sight of you. The woman he once loved, now married to someone else. The years have passed, but you’re still the same in the most beautiful ways. Your smile is just as bright, and the warmth in your eyes is still the same, no matter how much time has passed.
“How are you?” he asks, his voice soft, a little hesitant. It’s been a few years since he last saw you at your wedding to Suguru. He assumed, with time, that he would somehow grow less attracted to you. Less drawn to your presence, your laughter, and the way you seem to light up the world just by being in it.
How wrong he was.
You meet his gaze, and Satoru feels that familiar flutter in his chest, something he thought had long since faded. You haven’t changed. He’s never been able to forget the way you made him feel. The truth is, he probably never will. “I’m great,” you reply wholeheartedly, your smile so genuine it catches him off guard. The apples of your cheeks rise, and he can’t help but notice how much more beautiful you’ve become. There’s a glow about you, one that comes from happiness and contentment. The familiar glint in your eyes beams brighter than he’s ever seen before. It’s the same one that once made him think maybe he could be the one to make you smile like that forever.
Prettier than any star.
“Things have been well,” you continue, a slight tilt of your head as you study him. “How are you?”
Satoru swallows, his heart hammering in his chest, but he smiles. He’s not sure why it still affects him this way. Maybe it’s because he knows you’re happy, and that should be enough for him. But hearing you speak with that warmth, that sweetness, it still stirs something deep within him. “I’m good,” he says, his voice steady despite the chaos of emotions swirling inside him. He wants to tell you everything he wasn’t able to before—how much he’s missed you, how much he’s struggled to let go, how he’s still a little haunted by your absence. But he can’t. You’re someone else’s now. His best friend’s. And he can’t take that from you. He doesn’t want to, either.
“Life’s… busy,” he adds, trying to change the subject, but he knows the words are empty. He’s never been able to lie to you. You always see through it.
You nod, as if understanding more than he’s said. The silence between you stretches, but it’s not awkward. It’s familiar in a way that brings him a strange sense of comfort. You’ve both come so far, yet here you are, still standing before him.
Satoru wants to say something—anything—that will make this moment last. Yet, he knows better now. He knows that some things are meant to pass, to be remembered only as bittersweet memories. “I’m happy for you,” he finally says, his voice quieter than before. His eyes meet yours, searching for any sign that maybe, just maybe, you might feel something too.
And there it is. A flicker. A brief, imperceptible flicker in your eyes. You’re still the same woman he once knew, the one who captured his heart and never quite let it go.
He doesn’t need to hear you say it. He can see it in the way you look at him. You’ve both changed, in ways that neither of you could have predicted. Really, that’s okay. You’re happy, and that’s all that matters.
“I’m glad to see you doing well, Satoru,” you say with that same warm smile. “Take care of yourself, okay?” The weight of the unspoken words lingers between you, yet it’s not painful. Not anymore. Satoru nods, his own smile genuine, even if it’s laced with sadness. He doesn’t need to hold onto the past anymore. You’ve found your place in the world, and he’s finally at peace with that.
“I will,” he says quietly. “You too.”
Staying in your presence feels nice, no words having to be spoken when your actions do it all. Fleeting looks, warm smiles, hushed chuckles. He can’t stop his body from reciprocating. Every time your fingers brush against his by accident, a jolt of electricity runs through him. When your voice dances in the air, light and carefree, it takes every ounce of control he has not to reach out and pull you closer into a hug. Your presence is a kind of calm he didn’t know he needed, a peace he’s been missing, even after all these years.
He’s missed you. That’s okay to admit, right?
“Are you with someone now, Satoru?” You ask, sipping your coffee with an innocent eyebrow raise.
He shakes you off with a chuckle. “Nah, no one. I’m a lone wolf, remember?”
Playfully, you roll your eyes. “Right. Well, every lone wolf needs his mate, doesn’t he?”
“Please don’t use ABO logic on me.”
You kick his shin under the table and he dramatically responds with a frown. Looking at him from the large window that displays the warm morning of Saturday. Speaking with such integrity that it’s hard not to believe you. “I’m serious, Satoru. When it happens, I want to be there for you. Your soulmate is just walking around everyday life waiting for you, I look forward to you finally getting to experience that.”
His heart melts, smirk softening into genuineness. He can’t find it in him to say how wrong you probably are, to crush your dreams of him finding his one true love one day. How could he? You just want what’s best for him, and that’s why he loves you so much.
“Soulmate…” he repeats to himself lowly, watching you laugh gingerly before looking back out at the window. His eyes glance down at his left pinky finger, flexing it.
Red string of fate.
He can imagine the circle around his pinky, red and bright with intensity; glowing like a beacon of everything he’s always wanted and dreamed for. He looks back up at you, your side profile so perfectly structured in the warm light. The way your features align effortlessly like they were meant to be there. He can’t help the crinkle of his eyes when his smile grows wider and more genuine. The time he spent longing for you, it all seems to fade away when he looks at you like this. He lightly jerks his hand.
And for a brief, suspended moment, he catches the sight of your left pinky twitching, being tugged just barely in his direction before you adjust your grip on your coffee.
He follows your gaze, hiding a snicker behind the rim of his cup.
Yeah, she is just walking around, isn’t she?
a/n: hiiiii! i really hoped you guys enjoyed this, while writing this i didn't feel very confident and I still sort of don't, but I really hope it satisfies u all <3 as I said b4 thank you so much for 1k followers, I didn't expect this to happen lollolol but your support has been so appreciated. with this new year, I hope to put out more works, and I hope u all stay along for the ride. have a great day!!!! love and kisses
#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk fanfic#gojo x reader#gojo x reader series#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#gojo angst#gojo satoru angst#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo#satoru angst#satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk#x reader#jjk angst#gojo oneshot#gojo x you#jjk fanfiction#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#gojou satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x you#satoru x you#gojo x y/n
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In Your Element
Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader
Warnings: N/A
Summary: Quinn finally gets an opportunity to each lunch with you at your school, but he arrives a little early and sees a different side to you, when you're absolutely in your element.
Notes: This was a request which I very much enjoyed writing, so thank you:
'For Quinn x teacher reader you could do Quinn going to eat lunch with her at school and getting there early on accident and just admiring her teaching and her getting along with her students and then getting home and just telling her how much he admires her and loves her and wants to marry her'
Not me researching Canadian school grades and ages because it is not the same in the UK (Grade 11 is age 16-17, where as year 11 in the UK is age 15-16 and also the final year of secondary for us)
Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)
Writing Masterlist
Most days Quinn doesn't get a chance to go and visit you at work and he'd never had the opportunity to sit and eat lunch with you during the school day. After all, you were busy and so was he. You had maybe 40 minutes in a day to sit down and eat, then if he subtracted the time in that 40 minutes you needed to tidy your room, put books out for your next class, write the title on the board, sort your powerpoint out and then pee, plus dealing with any dramas your students brought to your door? Well, you probably had 10 minutes to eat...and he, well, how often was he actually available at that specific time of day? It was like ships in the night sometimes, both having highly busy careers in different ways, but you made it work. Partly by taking any moments that you could find and utilising them, both of you had to learn to be a bit more spontaneous and flexible.
Something that was easier said sometimes than done, but your desire to see each other had a way of making bending easier than breaking. It helped that you'd moved in with him before the season started, so at least he saw you at night and in the early hours of the morning.
Today was different, an odd day where the stars had seemingly aligned. Quinn had a free 2 hours in his day just at the right time for lunch with you and you had a free period after lunch which meant you didn't have to spend all your lunch break sorting stuff out for your next lesson. So, you'd agreed to tell the office he'd be visiting and he agreed to bring your favourite sandwich from your favourite deli along with other goodies for you to snack on.
The problem was Quinn hadn't expected to be 20 minutes early, Vancouver traffic being almost non-existent (which was a rarity) and the deli having absolutely no one inside despite it being lunch time (he briefly considered that the zombie apocalypse might have happened at that point). Being 20 minutes early meant he didn't really have anything to do. At first he assumed he'd have to simply wait in the office, but Maria on reception just gave him his visitors badge and walked him to your classroom, ushering him away from the uncomfortable visitors seats.
Your door is shut to keep the noise of the corridor out of your classroom. From the small window in the door Quinn can see the way your 11th graders sit in various states of focus, you're leant against your desk at the front, hands moving as you talk to them. There's something about how relaxed you are at the front of the classroom, the way you seem to be in your element that hits him. He's never seen you teach a lesson before and it strikes him that it seems right, like it's where you're supposed to be.
Maria knocks on the door and he watches as you pause, telling your students something before setting a timer on the board. Watching for a second to make sure they were all on task before walking to the door and reaching for the handle, your face a picture of surprise at seeing him here early.
"Mr Hughes is here to see you, I thought he could sit in the back or help you with the last little bit of lesson."
"Thank you, Maria I'm sure we'll figure it out." You smile warmly at Maria and it strikes him that you probably know all about her, that you've probably spent time with her at the staff Christmas party and eaten lunch together. It hits him that there are people you see every day that he has no idea about because your worlds simply don't cross that often. You know his team mates but does he really know your colleagues? He suddenly feels very out of place.
"You are early." You give him a look that makes him smile sheepishly at you, raising the bag of sandwiches as if that would solve the problem. Still you let him into your classroom, your students narrowing their eyes at the new face before promptly widening at who just walked into their classroom. Still they don't say anything, like you've taught them better, heads down as they continue writing an answer to the question on the board. A timer ticking down the remaining couple of minutes left.
He drops the bag onto your desk before you point to a spare seat at the back, "You can watch if you want...sorry, it might be boring."
"I don't think anything you could do would be boring." He knows the way he's looking at you is probably a little much for a classroom, he can't help it though. You're so pretty in your teacher clothes, there's a different sort of confidence rolling off you, you own the room and it's attractive, the way you command the room even when you're not overtly doing anything.
A quiet little murmur runs through the class at his statement, a few raised eyebrows and David lets out a little 'ohhhh' that you hush with a sharp look. Even that is hot, the fact a single look from you has a teenage boy shutting up, Quinn's rarely seen you like this, in complete and total control, effortlessly. In your pairing you're usually the one who follows while he leads. He orders your drink at a coffee shop or initiates a kiss, this is a different you.
"Go to your seat, Mr Hughes." The raised eyebrow does it for him as well and he thinks if he had to actually respond he'd have stuttered, instead he choses to follow your directions, trying desperately not to look utterly devoted to you in front of a bunch of teenagers.
He forgot how uncomfortable classroom chairs were, still he uses it as a chance to watch from the back corner. You wander the room, green pen in hand for the remaining time on the timer, writing notes on students' work and giving direction here and there. A few times you give warnings to students who haven't worked hard enough, but there's a general sense that this group of students work for you because they respect you. Even the kids who clearly aren't the most academic seem to try for you.
The timer is blaring when it goes off, some sort of lute sound that you clearly picked because it was mildly medieval and fit the vibe of your history classroom. It's ridiculous but it also describes you perfectly, those elements of quirkiness and fun that fit in even into a classroom where students write paragraphs and complete work. Like you have a balance perfectly set.
"Right, times up, so put your pens down..." You march to the front in quick time, nabbing a flashlight that one of your students was playing with at the front before they could even protest, slipping it into your pocket. It's impressive, the way you seem to have eyes on every corner of the classroom, the way you notice things that Quinn definitely would not have.
The student in question puts his hand up in the air and you call on him as if it was expected, "Yes, Rory?"
"Can I have it back at the end?"
"Yes, Rory, you can have it back at the end." It's interesting, the way that that is enough. That Rory seems to respect that it shouldn't have been out, doesn't try to argue that you shouldn't have taken it, but trusts that he'll get it back enough not to press they issue. Quinn's pretty sure Miller has argued with him more over lesser things before.
"Who can explain to me then how war has had an impact on medical development? Bonus points, potentially getting the bonus point duck for the rest of lesson, if you can give me concrete examples from our unit." He's close to putting his hand up to ask about the bonus point duck when you reach into your desk drawer and pull out a rubber duck dressed as Henry VIII.
It's in that moment that Quinn realises he does not know as much about you as he thought. He knew you. He knew the woman he called his girlfriend who couldn't sleep with her feet outside of the bed covers and absolutely had to have the shower on the highest heat setting, but he didn't know teacher you. Never in his life had you mentioned a bonus point duck, never would he have predicted that that was something you even had in your classroom and it's utterly ridiculous and shouldn't motivate a bunch of teenagers at all and yet, suddenly there were 20 hands in the air, a few calling out as if that would make you pick them quicker.
He watches the way you smile, the scan of your eyes over each, the way you bypass those not meeting your expectations until they correct themselves and then you pick a student that Quinn would likely not have picked, a student he knows his history teacher in school would have avoided.
When he thinks of picking a student to answer there are two modes he thinks of from his own high school career:
The one without their hand up, who doesn't look like their listening, the one a teacher wants to catch out
The student who is clearly a nerd, clearly good at the subject and will clearly given an impressive answer, the easy kid to pick
You pick neither. Instead, you go straight to a girl with her hand up but with thick blonde hair extensions in and enough gum in her mouth that Quinn can hear it smack from here. The stereotypical popular girl who probably doesn't care much about school and would rather be at the mall.
"Angel?"
"Well, it's like when there's a war on like World War One then all the government care about is winning the war, right?"
You nod in encouragement and it hits him that you picked Angel for a reason. That you picked a student who likely doesn't like school, likely gets discouraged but who you know can answer and get a confidence boost. It's smart, he does something similar with rookies, where he gives them a chance to do something so he can boost their confidence, can build a relationship with them. Suddenly captaincy and teaching seem awfully similar, minus the gum and the smell of Lynx Africa.
"So like if they don't improve medicine then all their soldiers just die, right? Either outright or later because of like infection like why they funded Florey and Chain to mass produce penicillin in World War Two or like why people were so into the leg splint thing in 1916. So, the governments put more money into medicine because that means soldiers live longer and can get sent back to war and then they can win the war because they still have men alive, but like if they all die you're going to lose the war, duh."
"Beautiful answer and a few specific examples in there, you have earned the duck," You smile widely at her as you walk to plop the rubber duck on her desk and he can see it, the way she seems to puff up in pride, the way a student who maybe would have hated History is engaged because of you.
He's pretty sure he just fell a little bit more in love with you.
"Yo, Miss?"
You sigh a deep sigh as if this interruption is expected, stopping mid walk back to the front of your classroom and turning on your heel, "Yes, David?" Your voice is mildly amused, not impatient or frustrated like Quinn would expect.
"Why ducks?" There's a beat of silence and Quinn watches the way you just stare at David, eyebrows high on your forehead like your considering whether you'll actually treat the question seriously or not.
Then a big smile crosses your lips like you're laughing at yourself before you even say the punch line to a joke. A silly little smile that is so his girlfriend that suddenly both versions of yourself seem to merge together.
"Because ducks fly together."
"C'mon, Miss! Really? Did you seriously just quote the Mighty Ducks when a hockey legend is in the room?" It's your patience with David that smacks Quinn in the face. You could have given him a detention by now or told him off for disrupting your lesson, but you're not. Like you're confident you can bring it back to the lesson soon enough. It makes him wonder if you'd be that patient with your kids, if he's seeing a little glimpse into a possible future where you're this patient with the kids you have with him.
"Well, maybe we should ask the 'hockey legend' what he thinks of my jokes? Mr Hughes?" You ask him because you know he'll back you up, and it's that sense of being needed that makes him sit up a little straighter in the chair he's in and smile widely like he's scored a goal.
"Hilarious as always, although maybe you need a bonus point orca?"
"Oh, do I? The duck not good enough?" There's a little glint in your eye, the one you always get when you're teasing him, playful. It feels like the rest of the world disappears, falls away, like you're the only two people in the room.
"Seems a little too Anaheim like for my taste,"
"You would say that, no taste." As if you're a Anaheim fan when you are in fact a Canucks fan through and through, but you know the statement will get a little rise out of Quinn. You can see the way his brow twitches at the suggestion that you'd pick the Ducks over the Canucks, the sense of male pride being slighted.
"Miss, stop flirting with Quinn Hughes!" It's David, it's always David. David with a wide grin that shows off his braces, David who's waggling his eyebrows at you, typical teenage boy behaviour really but it stumps you. Quinn can see that it stumps you.
There's a beat of silence, like your brain is trying to process what's just happened, and for the first time you're off your game, flustered, a little taken aback like you didn't expect it to go this far. But, then, Quinn was never in your classroom while you taught, never there for you to banter with in front of students. Quinn had proven to be a distraction, a disruptive presence if you will.
Your choice of tactic is perhaps not the best nor the most smooth, but simply to turn back to your powerpoint plastered on the board and pretend that it simply hadn't happened. To move on.
"Anyway, back to medicine," Your voice is a little unsteady, a little less controlled and Quinn feels slightly bad that he put you off your game, but admires the way you push forward.
You turn the slide on your powerpoint, an old cartoon springing up on the board, "I'm going to give you a copy of this source from 1847 about anaesthetic and I want you to analyse it like we've been practicing. If you can do this properly in 8 minutes then I will let you ask Mr Hughes some questions..." You pause briefly, looking directly at David, "Appropriate questions."
There's a bubble of excitement that sees students volunteering to help you hand out glues and copies of the source before all heads hit the desks, hands moving ferociously across the paper while 8 minutes ticks down on the clock. Just like that you've got them back on track and it is utterly impressive, how you managed to completely save a lesson that he'd accidently ruined for you.
You both survive the few minutes of questions at the end, David only asking a few minorly inappropriate ones which Quinn fields with his usual tactic of say nothing and refuse to answer. By the end he's not entirely sure how you handle being questioned all day by hundreds of teenagers and Quinn's a lot more sympathetic to your reluctance to make decisions when you get home after a long day of teaching. He gets it now.
"Have a good lunch, everybody!" You wave the last of your students off at the door, shutting it the moment they're all out and letting out a massive sigh of relief, shoulders slumping.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just tired." The unspoken is there. That your job is hardwork, that getting kids in the modern age to focus on anything for more than 60 seconds might look easier to the outsider but takes more brainpower and more routines and techniques than you can shake a stick at.
Quinn decides to leave it for the moment, you probably don't want to spend your entire lunch break talking about teaching and he's ultimately here to see his baby, not talk about education.
"Sit, I got your favourite," He's guiding you gently, hands on your shoulders to your comfy desk chair, the one he hasn't seen you sit down in at all. You let him force you to sit down, let him sort out your sandwich placing it in front of you with a napkin and your favourite packet of crisps with your favourite drink to boot. It's a little thing but the way he sets it out in front of you, the way he takes care of you helps ease a little bit of the strain of the day.
"Thank you for coming and having lunch with me," You reach for half of your sandwich, exactly as you like it down to the type of bread used, watching as Quinn pulls one of the desks closer to you so he's not so far away. His own sandwich being pulled from the brown paper bag.
"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to see my girl, who's looking extra pretty today by the way." You almost choke on the first bite of your sandwich, cheeks warming even as you cough and roll your eyes at him. Feeling decidedly unattractive after nearly choking on bread.
"You are such a suck up!"
"Oh, so I can't compliment my girlfriend now? That's sucking up? I'm just stating facts. The sky is blue, water is clear and my girlfriend is gorgeous."
"Quinn!" You laugh at him and it's the most beautiful thing he's seen all day. The way your face lights up, eyes crinkling as you twist your head away from him because of how ridiculous you think he's being. When you laugh he can't help it, it makes him grin, teeth on show, sandwich half forgotten in front of him.
"And she can't take a compliment to save her life."
The two of you fall into a comfortable sort of routine, taking bites of your lunches while interspersing eating with conversation about his upcoming roadie and what you're going to send to your mum for her birthday.
He doesn't say anything about your teaching, doesn't even bring up the bonus point duck because he doesn't want to take up your few precious non-teacher minutes with it...and also because he's pretty certain 40 minutes is not enough time for all the things he's thinking.
How does one condense down how much they admire their partner? How does he talk briefly about how utterly amazing you are at your job and how he can't wait to marry you, to have kids with you, to see you be just as patient, just as amazing with them? He can't, so he decides to leave it til later.
He doesn't just eat lunch with you before he leaves the school though, Quinn, ever determined to make your life easier helps you tidy up your classroom and fix a display board that you couldn't reach the top corner of. You can't help but admire him as he stretches up up to staple a bit of border roll back in place, the muscles of his back flexing underneath his t-shirt, the way his hair falls effortlessly across his forehead. It's weird seeing him in this environment, your environment but you can't help but think that he fits in it, like it suits him to be helping in a classroom. Maybe in a different life he'd have been a teacher or maybe you were just waxing poetic in your head.
You walk him out to his car once your done, even though you should be using this time to plan, you can't help but try to get as many moments with him as possible, any little bit of time precious.
"I'll see you at home later?" You ask just in case he'd planned something with the team, fingers twined with Quinn's as you stand by his car.
"Yeah, I should be home already when you get in, figured i'd cook dinner tonight." He wants to make it nice for you, special, because he knows you're going to shy away from his compliments, his admiration...but he feels like he has a lot to say. Good stuff, but a lot and he wants you in a good mood, more receptive.
"Mmm, anything good?"
"Your favourite." You think about the spicy noodle dish he's perfected cooking, the little spring onions on top, the warming broth and it makes you feel almost hungry despite having just eaten lunch.
"And what did I do to deserve this treatment?" You tug him closer by the hands, tilting your head back to look up at him with a sweet smile that makes his heart race just a little bit faster. You're so pretty without even trying.
"Just being yourself, baby." Quinn breaches the distance between the two of you, leaning down to close the remaining space, lips pressing to yours gently, once, twice, a third time because he can't help himself, "Have a good rest of your day and I'll see you later, sweetheart"
Quinn presses one more kiss to your lips, a longer one that lingers, a force behind it that almost takes you off guard, your hands reaching up to grip at the edges of his jacket.
It takes you a moment to catch your breath, just long enough for Quinn to notice and smirk about it, to find it cute that he can still make you react like that.
"Bye, I love you." You force yourself to pull away, watching as he steps into the car.
"I love you too." You watch Quinn's car roll out of the school car park, wave back at him when he turns to look at you from the driver's seat before he's completely gone, before heading back instead to finish off your day.
The rest of your day goes relatively smoothly bar the incident in which a student decided to swallow a battery he had in his backpack to see what would happen, resulting in him being taken to hospital and your last class of the day being unable to focus on anything but that. Still as days go it was relatively stress free and made ten times better when you walked into the apartment to the smell of Quinn's world famous spicy noodles and the way he'd set up the dining table with some candles just to make things sweeter. The lights in the apartment dim and romantic feeling.
He's stirring the dish when you get to the kitchen area, back to you, but head turned at the sound of your feet padding towards him. You don't hesitate to wrap your arms around his waist from behind, pressing your cheek into the centre of his back. Quinn leans back into you with a hum.
"You've really gone all out, huh?" You mumble it into his shirt, moving with him as he takes the pan off the heat and carries it towards the two bowls already laid out on the side. Shuffling alongside him determined to stay close to his warmth despite how inconvenient it was.
"Wanted to surprise you, now get off me and sit your cute ass down." You do as your told, jumping a little at the light swat Quinn gives to your arse as you move away from him. You turn to glare at him as if you're offended even though you both know you'd let him slap your arse whenever he wanted if he just asked.
Quinn serves you first, placing your bowl in front of you with a glass of your favourite thing to drink at dinner before grabbing his own noodles and sitting across from you.
At first it's quiet, the two of you more focused on eating than talking, but every now and then you look up to see Quinn staring at you as if he has something he wants to say. You choose not to rush him, both of you finishing your dinner before you insist that you put the dishes in the dishwasher since he cooked. Still he doesn't say anything and you don't push him.
It's not until he drags you to the couch, pulling you to curl up next to him while some movie plays in the background that he finally speaks his mind.
"You were amazing today..." You're tucked under Quinn's arm, his hand resting on your arm as you press your cheek into his shoulder, soft eyes looking up at him from under your lashes.
"Mm? What at work?"
"Yeah." You let him think for a minute, knowing he has more to say but clearly trying to figure out how he goes about saying it, his fingers tracing light circles on your arm. "I've never seen you like that...so in your element..."
There's a pause in which he shifts, pulling your legs over his lap, other hand gripping your calf. It's the most natural movement in the world, a touch neither of you even think twice about. "The kids love you. You got kids who probably hate school to willing write paragraphs for you and...you're so, so confident in that room, baby..."
"I'm just doing my job..." You hide your face in his shirt for moment, feeling that familiar bashfulness come to the surface. You've never been good at accepting compliments, even from Quinn, and now is no exception even as his words fill you with a giddy kind of happiness.
"I know but...the way you just knew you had it, even when someone was off topic, you knew you could get it back on track, that was so fucking attractive and even the silly things, like the duck!" Your head shoots up so fast at the mention of the duck that you almost knock his chin with the top of your head, the look you give him is nothing short of confused.
"The duck is attractive?"
"Not the duck exactly, but the fact that you wanted to make History fun but also still make sure they're actually learning...and, and it was so you, y'now? So silly but endearing and...I don't know..." Quinn looks away from you, red flush high on his cheeks as he starts to regret ever saying anything, feeling mildly embarrassed about how into you he is. Which he knows is ridiculous because he should be into his girlfriend.
"You don't know? Sounds like you do, you're just embarrassed about how much you love me." You tease him, hand cupping his cheek to get him to face you again, even when he's embarrassed he can't help but lean into your touch a little more, cheek pressed fully into your palm.
"I do love you...watching you teach was like seeing our future."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I thought..." There's that hesitancy again, flush bright on his skin, lip being bitten between his teeth. It's like he's worried he'll mess up if he speaks his mind, which is ridiculous because you love him so much you're not sure anything he could say would change that.
"You can't put me off, Quinn, if you're worried about saying the wrong thing...i'm too in deep to be put off, so, you thought?"
You wait, oh so patient, while he assesses you, judges whether you're telling the truth. Like he needs to double check that you're correct when you say you're in too deep.
"I was just thinking about how you're so patient with your students and how patient you'll be with our kids, y'know?"
"Our kids?" There's a giddy little sensation of butterflies flipping in your stomach, eyes widening in delight at the mention because how many relationships have you had where your exes refused to even consider children, where they didn't want that with you?
"Well, yeah, I'm going to marry you one day." It's so matter of fact as if he'd just said he was going shopping tomorrow or had a game on Saturday. A statement of objective truth as if there was no other option, no other outcome.
"Oh, you are?"
"If you let me. If you don't? I'm never going to marry anyone." You pull back from him, just enough to look at him, mouth slightly dropped open. He's dead serious, lips pursed, brows furrowed.
"Quinn."
"I mean it. I love you, you're so fucking amazing and I...seeing you in your element today made me realise how impossible it would be for me to fall in love with anyone else, to marry anyone else, to have a family with anyone else. I don't want anyone but you."
You let out a shaky breath, smile watery but pleased, full of love and affection.
"I...I guess it's a good thing then that I want to marry you one day. Can't have you dying alone, that would be sad." You're trying to lighten the mood, but the truth is you're so deeply touched, so in love with him that you hope he means it. If he breaks up with you, you're certain it'll break you for good because you were certain he was it for you too.
"Just to be clear this isn't a proposal, you're getting a proper proposal and it will be a surprise."
"You think you're sneaky enough to keep it secret?" Your arms wrap around his neck as the two of you shift, fingers playing with the dark curls at the nape of his neck.
"I think if I want something enough, i'll get it." Quinn's voice lowers in that way that has you raising your brows, cheeks warming as smirks down at you, green eyes peering at you from underneath unfairly long lashes.
"Oh?"
"Oh." You lean back against the couch, lowering yourself flat as Quinn crawls his way over you, arms bracketing your head on the couch beneath you. You reach a hand up to cup his jaw, scruff rough against your palm, the air around you feels charged.
He's the first to move, wasting little time before lowering his lips to yours. A soft press that deepens as your arms drag him closer, fingers curling in his hair tight. You're working on instinct when Quinn's tongue swipes across your bottom lip begging for entry, opening up for him as your legs wrap around his hips.
In that moment you are so very glad that you're never going to have to know what life is like without Quinn Hughes. That you'll always get to revel in the way he presses his whole weight onto you, the way his breath wavers when he pulls back just to catch his breath before diving back into you.
Maybe you're just lucky or maybe fate intervened, but you are so fucking glad you met Quinn Hughes and so fucking glad that he decided a random History teacher was more than enough for him for the rest of his life.
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It can genuinely be really scary, to find yourself wondering "hey if there was a fire right now, could I get up, or would I just lie here?" Because youve been in overdrive and overdrive is broken. Id like to believe that the will to live would prevail but I wouldnt know until I was in that situation. Is real danger processed differrently to psychological danger?
I did have a situation the other night struggling to get food together for dinner, my partner was also exhausted, we planned badly (not at all) for shops being closed and I had a few moments of "guess we're starving tonight then". And then I was just up and moving toward the kitchen to see what could be scrounged. Im not sure I made a conscious decision to do so. Theres a tiny bit of, its not quite learned helplessness, its like theres levels of Cant Do A Thing. And sometimes when Thing Needs Doing and you Cant, but no one else can, its like it increases in urgency and then you reavaluate your spoons. Like a lot of the time my partner helps me with things I could technically do, but if I did Id be in more pain, Id have less energy to do things I enjoy that makes life worthwhile, and to her its not such a big deal to do. And sometimes we pingpong a task back and forth trying to measure how deep we would each have to dig to get it done and who will have the very relatively easier time. And sometimes the push does come with more pain, or meltdown, or panic, or tears. Some tasks just arent negotiable.
One of the worst things about being disabled, the most draining, and I sort of forgot it was unusual till Hank Green mentioned it in one of his videos about his cancer, that it was a new amd exhausting ezperience for him. Youre having to make countless decisions day in and day out. Constantly measuring energy against task against urgency or need, against survival vs fun and enjoyment, against what else is planned for the day and the week and the month, am I choosing between tasks, am I even calculating correctly. On top of that, constant monitoring of the self. How am I feeling, are these known symptoms, do they need treatment right now, ok which treatment? Is this abnormal, is it worrying, should I mention it to my dr? How long since I last had painkillers? This symptom has three conditions in common, if its a migraine I need meds immediately but if its just dehydration I dont want to be taking meds I dont need -
And on top of that is actual appointments. I had to take a months long break from most medical care because I burnt out of being able to convey relevant information and understand relevant information and parse it all and make decisions about treatment and tests. and then scheduling and scheduling and scheduling, theres only so many appointments one can attend in a week in a month so everything takes time and if you overbook you end up crashed and panicked and unable to function to even show up and its endless. Its hundreds of important health related decisions day in and day out and then we still have to decide what to eat for lunch like everyone else. On less capacity than everyone else.
Sometimes you just need to step back and rest for an hour a day a week a month. A couple years. Pacing is difficult. Resting is absurdly difficult. Im definitely out of spoons for more of this rn. Its. A lot. Burnout is so so real and the only way through is maximum rest.
One thing I don't think the Spoon metaphor has helped able-bodied people understand is that you can overdraw.
Generally, for most conditions, running out of spoons doesn't mean you collapse, doesn't produce an effect they can actually see. What it means is that you run on life support, quite possibly unsafely, until you get to a safe place and can stop. But you'll owe those spoons back, with interest. You'll have hurt yourself to do it.
Sometimes I hang out with a friend and they'll be like, wow, I'm really glad you had a good day. And I have to decide whether to make them feel bad by explaining that in fact they did not catch me on a good day, and tomorrow will probably be bad. I just made choices.
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